I'm not a good person, and practically everyone hates me, but now i really don't care
Most of the time I hate me too, and the people who know me and care about me understand I'm broken and trying to fix myself.
I get told I've got good in me I've just had a hard time, and they're not wrong, go through all the trauma I've been through, live in my head for a while and you won't be normal, I try to be good, to be a nice person but the same thing happens every time
Someone threatens me, is aggressive to me, annoys me so much and I break. It happens every time I make progress, I start moving forward away from the bad and into the good but I always snap and am pulled back into the darkness.
But now I'm done with that side of me, my dark side, the way I become when shown aggression. The people say it's because of me being an alpha male, having to prove myself and that i still have the idea in my head I have to keep my image up as a hard man by fighting and letting my dark side out.
My brain is partly to blame, it stops working properly when I break, I cant control what happens it goes through the motions and then there's me to blame as well, I should learn to cope better, stop letting it out in violence and anger, but now the people can tell it's more my brain than me because I draw blanks when trying to remember what happens when I break, it does stop working properly.
So if you are one of my true friends here is a warning for you and a piece of advice. If I'm abusive towards you I don't mean it,I'm breaking down, I've had a bad day and it's coming out now. And please dont hate me, ignore me if I say I hate you, I want you to die. I have a tendency to ruin friendships by imploding and hurting the ones I care about most.
And to those who hate me, the ones I've hurt or just been a horrid person to, I'm sorry, I have problems that I'm sorting out and what I have done to you is not fair. Sorry.
I'm getting help now and before long I'll be a good person, and my dark side will be locked away for the foreseeable.
