Dearest love,
There is something about being noticed that I find to be completely terrifying.
Maybe I'm just scared of catastrophes, but I prefer to be alone now that you're gone.
I'll admit, it felt nice to feel that haziness of love and comfort; but when it's ripped away suddenly over and over there is no way to recover.
Every morning I awake to the weak sound of my heart beating, with what few strings it has left to hold it together, it continues to go on with the hopes of finding relief.
Sometimes I think I miss you. I think I miss your voice, words, and the sound of your breathing when you fall asleep. And yes, I would give anything to hear it again just so I know if I do truly miss you.
Sometimes I think of how you told me that I shouldn't waste my time being on my own but I don't think you realized just how scared I was of people because letting you in was hard enough.
Letting you go was even harder.
From what I've learned, it's to not let people in. Because I will lose them even when I try to hold onto them and there is nothing I can do but accept it.
So here I am, a waste of your time, continuing to waste my time being alone because I am terrified of wasting someone else's and I don't think my heart could handle losing the last few strings that keep it together.
Invisibility is quite nice once it sets in.
Your's truly,
Her
