Dearest love,
You looked me in the eyes and asked me the most dreadful question ever- "Do you feel damaged from the relationship we had?"
It wasn't even the fact that you said had, it was the fact that I did feel damaged.
It was the fact that when you told me so many hurtful things, I felt the strings in my heart break.
I do feel damaged. I could never lie to you, and I still can't even after all that has happened.
That's exactly what I would've said I didn't wake up from that dream.
When I awoke,I pondered upon your words of "I still care", when truth be told you didn't care. You never cared.
We are complete opposites. Scientifically, opposites attract. But where is the logical equation for that? In math, a positive multiplied by a negative results in a negative. And that's exactly what we were- a negative.
We were doomed for this fate, and I didn't want to believe it. We were doomed for an end. Little did I realize how catastrophic it would be to me.
I was catatonic for months. I couldn't get past the thought of there not being a single person in this world that I could depend on, and then you said it. "Be more independent."
I thought being alone and making it on my own without a single person to talk to or even simply be in the same room with was being independent. Apparently being independent includes never talking to people and living strictly with yourself and the thoughts you have.
So congrats, I'm now independent like you said I should be. Don't expect me to be the person I was before, because I could no longer give a damn about whatever the hell happens to you. I am done caring for someone who doesn't care about me. I am done with someone who makes promises they can't keep.
Here is the apology you get- I'm sorry we ever happened. I'm sorry we ever met and that I just had to fuck up your perfect life. Clearly this isn't about anything but other than how I've fucked up, because this entire thing is my fault like you believe- right? I am so fucking sorry for wasting your god damn precious time, since clearly I have no time to waste.
I am so fucking sorry all of the times I've fucked up and all the time I took away from you. Maybe I was right before, God's biggest mistake was making me.
Your's truly,
Her
