A/N: it's been so long since I've written anything holy shit. I don't have the same passion for writing anymore admittedly, and this is far from poetry. But I feel like this letter deserves to be on here because it's still about the boy who started this all. I hope to post more soon as well. I miss you all. X
Dearest,
I believe that this is how it was always meant to be. That this silence between us was never meant to be broken. We were always meant for more than this.
The last time we spoke you told me that you were disappointed in me. I don't think that's anything new, but hearing it directly come from you to me hurt on a different level. But when I stuck my hand out to you to call a truce, to make peace, you shut me out like you usually do. You don't make compromises, even in friendships you don't. And that's fine by me, you're a grown man who can make his own decisions. But often times you made me feel like I'm not a grown woman who can make decisions for herself, or that my decisions are wrong.
I've come to realize that I've spent so much time believing that your opinion genuinely mattered, that if it wasn't approved by you then it surely wasn't right. I don't know when I let myself become that engrossed with you, it's absolutely disgusting. Maybe it's because I loved you, and I still had love for you in my heart- no not that kind of love, just simply a platonic love.
I still remember how you told me to get a hobby when I stood up for myself. I stood up for what I believed was the right course of action for me to take, and I will never be sorry for that. I will never be sorry for silently removing myself from your life, because in that moment I removed you from mine too.
You weren't good for me. You chose your side. It wasn't mine, you were more concerned with the people who had been hurting me. When you questioned my choice and told me that I probably caused one of the worst experiences of my life, my trauma didn't matter. It suddenly made everything I felt irrational. I was still struggling to cope with it all on top of my sister's death.
It hasn't been an easy time for you either, but when your heart broke I never invalidated your feelings. I never said "told you so," that you needed to get a hobby, or that I was disappointed in you. I should've though, but neither of us can change anything.
As of now, I'm not quite sure if I hate you. Maybe to some degree, but I certainly have no love left to give you and I don't think I like you either. So I think we should keep the silence between us. I promise I won't break it this time.
It all just feels so right. My entire life feels like it's headed towards the right way now. It feels like I'm constantly on the verge of something extremely exciting, and I can taste the champagne on the tip of my tongue. And when I close my eyes you are not in the picture.
I never wanted it to come to this. But it's for the best. It is the best option. And it's the right one too. We'll be fine. We'll be alright.
We don't need each other. We never needed each other.
Sincerely,
Her.
