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Dearest love,
It's kind of ridiculous to call you that now. So let's change that..
Dear person I once loved,
I haven't loved you for such a long time, nor have you loved me in an even longer amount of time. We can talk now, but honestly I think I'm a bit of a fool for talking to you still.
You see, I don't quite know what it was that made you an asshole. I know you've told me beforehand that people have thought that you're annoying, but my god I didn't think they meant this. You are not the same boy I once knew, I used to like him. Not because he listened to me complain but because he was actually funny. His jokes were funny and he didn't get under your skin to annoy the shit out of you. He was nice, but now he isn't very nice.
I know, I'm to blame for some of this too. But at the end of the day- you'll blame me. I don't try, I was the girl you wasted your time on. I was the reason why we broke up because I was too much to handle.
You had an option of saying no when you got with me. You chose yes, you wanted to be with me and you wanted to make it work. Truth be told that you didn't. I was a dirty little secret, I was locked in the dark but I let you shine through to one person whom I knew I could trust. But you trusted no one, so I fooled myself into thinking that it was thrilling to be someone's secret love.
None of it was thrilling. I let myself begin to think that a quiet life in nowhere Nebraska was what I wanted. I wanted to change all of my plans for you, and make this work. And not once was there conversation of you changing a major thing in your life for me. I had to give it all up.
You weren't the only one who lost time and I chose that for you because I thought that it was what you had wanted. Never did you tell me "I think I need some alone time" and never did I tell you to not go out with your friends. Never did I do that because I knew that you liked to be around people. So don't blame me for your lost and wasted amount of time, because I don't control how you spend your time. You did that to yourself.
I gave you everything I had left because I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I thought you loved me, but you didn't and that's something that killed me. You were my first real love, and I hate that I was foolish enough to let you make my head spin. I wanted a forever but I think I needed that lesson you taught me- forevers don't exist.
You didn't care about me the last time you said that you did, and you don't care about me now either. I'm not stupid, anyone can tell that you don't give a damn about anyone or anything. And that's pretty sad.
So how can I still care for you after this? After you gutted met and left me bleeding out on the floor- I can't. I can't completely care about you, I mean I care if you're dead or not. But overall I really don't give a shit about you.
I'm moving on too, so don't feel so fucking special about you doing it first. I don't care about your new girlfriend- I don't care if she's nicer or prettier than me or if she ends up breaking up with you. I don't care because our relationship is hardly even a friendship. And our dating lives are neither of our concerns.
A part of me does hate that this is what has become of us. I used to think of you as one of my closest friends, but now I can barely carry out a conversation with you without yelling at you for being an annoying little shit. But I'm not to blame for this because I'm not the one to blame for this.
So tell me, am I supposed to angry at you? Am I supposed to be sad because you left me and found someone else? I don't feel anything, probably because I've realized that you are the worst mistake that I've ever made. And thank god, you broke up with me. I would've never realized that I deserve a guy who is cautious and actually thinks things through before making promises.
Do yourself a favor- when you tell her that you love her, make sure you really do and that you can actually see yourself in a forever with her. Because that's what she sees every time you guys say "I love you."
Fuck you for everything you did. And thank you for dumping me, because you can tell a lot about a person by the way they leave.
Sincerely,
Your ex-girlfriend who will no longer be writing about you because you're nothing now.
