Remembrance- A Before You Exit Fanfiction

Koala

~Another Month Later~

I'm going home today....... I really don't want to though. Even though going home means I'll get to see my family and friends and boyfriend.... it also means I have to face the fact that I'll have to choose between Braiden and Toby. It means that I'll have to break one of their hearts again. You would think that after a month of being able to think about it, I would know by now. Nope. Not even close. That past month, I've been doing everything I could to avoid thinking about the situation. I'd watch movies or blast music or go for a jog or take pictures or think about my family. Yeah, you heard me. Thinking about my deseaced family was less painful than deciding between two boys. The worst part about this whole thing.... none of them even know that I got my memory back. I had to force my friends here not to tell anybody. Not even my parents know. I know, it's a little ridiculous, but I just don't know what to do. I love Toby, I really do, but I also love Braiden. I mean, I have a tiny little idea of who I'm going to pick, just because whenever I get homesick, I'll crave his touch, to be in his arms again. The whole little crew we have has been trying to help me get it off my mind. Dani and Perrie had to go on tour, but we still stay in touch if I ever need to talk to either of them if El or Annabelle aren't helping me. Yes, I said Annabelle. Niall finally got the balls to ask her out officially. Niall and I publicly announced our break up last night..... and by officially I mean we tweeted it. Our excuse was that we wouldn't be able to handle the long distance while both of us are touring. You have no idea how many people shipped us together though. As soon as I tweeted the breakup tweet, I got several thousand tweets that were fans freaking out. It was actually kinda funny to see. Anywhore, back to my point. All of the guys and their girlfriends have been doing whatever they can to get it off my mind, so I'm greatful for that, but it's still hard.

"Lindsey? Helloo? Earth to blonde." Annabelle said, waving her hand in my face.

"Sorry, I'm just freaking out a little." I said, shaking my head slightly to shoo my thoughts away for the moment.

"You texted Thomas, right?" Niall asked.

"Shit." I mumbled, pulling my phone out and sending a text to him.

To: Tommy

Will you please come pick me up alone? I'll explain when I get there.

"Got it." I confirmed, sliding my phone back into my pocket.

"I'll miss you, loser." Niall said, hugging me briefly.

"I'll miss you too. Treat Annabelle right or I'll fly back out here and cut your balls off before shoving them down your throat." I threatened.

"Yep, definetly the old Lindsey." Niall laughed.

"Yeah, I am back, so you better realize that I'm not fucking around." I said, my face void of emotion.

"Okay, okay." Niall said, putting his hands up and backing away from me. I hugged the rest of the guys goodbye and waited for my flight to be called. I checked my phone for messages and noticed Thomas texted me back.

From: Tommy

Yeah, sure, if that's what you want.

I smiled at the screen for a second before my flight was called. As I stood up, I sighed and looked out the window. You could easily see the beautiful city of London from the airport. I knew that I'd be leaving a part of me here, a part I might never get back. I could almost physically feel a hole being cut through my heart as I walked through the tunnel towards home. A small spear of pain with each step away from the place I've been calling home for the past two months. I wiped away a small tear that found it's way down my cheek as I stepped onto the plane, nothing but pure emotions flowing through me. Pain, loneliness, confusion, longing, sadness, and worst of all, it felt like my heart was breaking for the thousanth time. With almost every memory I gained, my heart broke a little, so by now, obviously I'm nothing but a broken mess. I don't know if it was the fact that I jumped from Toby to Riley to Braiden and back to Toby that broke my heart more, or if it was the fact that I lost any sense of who I was as soon as I met the boys. Before I met BYE, I wouldn't have been able to beat people up, or swear people out, or publicly humiliate a girl, even if she was hating on my friends. Back then, I would've walked away, sworn them out in my head, or ignored them and pulled my friend away. Back then, I was a fragile, shy girl who would threaten, but never actually hurt. Now, I'm the complete opposite, at least I was until I lost my memory. Now I'm back to that scared, broken girl that I used to be. I'm back to putting my defenses up because I'm too afraid of hurting anyone else. When I got my memory back, Niall and the boys introduced me to a ton of people, all of whom I pushed away. I didn't let them get through my walls because I knew that somehow, I would end up hurting them. When I get back, I don't know if I'll even be able to open up to my own brother in fear of hurting him too.