Remembrance- A Before You Exit Fanfiction

Opening up

"I want an explanation."

Those words echoed through my mind while I tried to come up with a logical response. Everything in my brain made me sound selfish and childish. I raked my brain for a reasonable thing to say, but honestly, I couldn't think of anything. Nothing that wouldn't confuse him or make him mad, or even worse, reveal that I'd gained my memory back.

"I can't put my mind into words, Thomas. It's just not going to happen. You just need to understand that what I did was for the best. For all of us." I said, not turning around to face him.

"The best?! Lindsey, how is this the best for us?! Mom and Dad have been devastated for weeks. Braiden cries himself to sleep every other night because he thought he lost you for good. How do you think I felt? I felt like I was the worst brother in the world because I couldn't even pick you up from the airport alone. Did you even consider our feelings?!" Thomas shouted, getting mad.

"Of course I thought of your feelings! It tore me apart when I left because I knew that when I left, you'd all be upset, but I had to look past that. If I didn't leave, I would only cause all of you even more pain! I'm not fucking stupid Thomas! This is for the better and you know it! Your life was nowhere near as complicated and hectic before I came. Believe me, Thomas. I didn't want to fucking leave, but I had no choice. I don't belong around you guys. I have work in the morning, and I'd really rather not sleep in. It was nice seeing you again, Thomas." I stated, beginning to walk away again.

"No no no no no. You are not leaving me again." Thomas said. I heard footsteps behind me as tears started flowing down my face. Thomas stepped in front of me and held an arm out. "I don't know where you think you're going, but you're not leaving me again."

"Thomas, I have friends, an apartment, and a job to get home to. I don't have time to cry for several hours with the people I'm trying to protect." I said sternly, staring him down.

"Why? Why do you run away from all of your problems, Lindsey?" Thomas demanded, blocking my way again.

"Don't you remember, Thomas? That's all I've ever done! When Toby and I fought for the first time, I ran. When Riley broke my heart, I ran. When things got tough, I ran. That's all I've ever done Thomas. I run away from all of my problems and there's nothing that will stop me from running away. I've been this way all my life, Thomas. It's not going to change." I said, my voice breaking every other word. Well, so much for not wanting him to know that I remember.

"You remember? Everything?" Thomas asked, his voice coming out weak and in a whisper.

"Yeah..... everything just came back to me while I was in London...." I admitted.

"Why didn't you want to tell us?" Thomas asked.

"Because I didn't want to become a monster again, Thomas. I didn't want to be that girl who will willingly punch someone randomly. I hate that girl, Thomas. And I've become her all over again." I said, staring down at the ground.

"Lindsey, you can't stop yourself from being who you are." Thomas said. I shook my head.

"I have to go. It was nice seeing you Thomas." I said, taking a step forward.

"Oh no you're not." Thomas said, throwing me over his shoulder.

"Thomas, put me down." I said sternly when I saw the ground below me begin to move.

"Not until we're inside and you can explain to everyone why you left." Thomas stated, tightening his grip on me.

"Thomas, please. I can't face them again. Please Thomas." I begged, the tears already beginning to flow down my face.