Am I in Love

Am I In Love? - Chapter 10

***Cassidy's P.O.V***

After Dinner Drake went up to his room and started getting ready for bed. I run up to my room to brush my teeth. I sit there staring at my reflection. I try to see the perfection that everyone else sees.I just can't see it. I try everyday to feel the way everyone looks at me as but I just can't. I look at my wrists once again noticing the marks. I begin to picture that night again and tears roll down my face. i wipe them away and wash my face going into my room. I look over to my desk noticing a picture of me and Derek at our eighth grade formal. Gosh times have changed so much. I smiled slightly. "Hey Cass are you coming down?" Derek yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I looked at the door and walked out of my room. "Coming." I say running down the stairs. Derek and I sit on the couch as mom and dad finish cleaning up in the kitchen. He turned the t.v. on and put reruns of supernatural on. 

An episode later my parents head upstairs to bed. "Hey you two don't stay up too long okay? You have school in the morning." My mom says before she heads up. "okay mom. Don't worry." I say to her paying attention to the t.v. She heads up turning off all the lights leaving Derek and I alone. I bring my legs up to my chest as episode 3 of season 8 of supernatural begins. "So hows things with Jake?" Derek asks me. "Everything's great. He's really sweet and a really great guy. I'm actually really glad He asked me out." "Well yea you've have a crush on the kid for like 2 years now." I blushed softly and looked down at my lap. "Yea well it was just that. My hearts always belonged to someone else. A really special guy." "Who is he?" he asks me. I sigh and look at him. "Just some one I'll never have a chance with." "Why not? you can have anyone you'd like." "Not everyone Derek. Not the one I always wanted. We have differences nothing can change.." I looked to the t.v. paying attention to the show. Derek looks away from me.  My eyelids slowly get heavy as I try not to fall asleep. I look at Derek who's paying close attention to the t.v.His jaw clenching tighter at times. I turn back to the t.v. Derek wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me into him. I lay my head on his shoulder and begin to fall asleep.

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***Derek's P.O.V*** 

I begin to feel Cassidy's breathing slowing down. I know she's asleep. I lay my head softly on hers as I continue to watch the t.v. I start thinking about what Cassidy said about her heart belonging to someone else.I wonder who it is.. Is it someone in our school? Honestly it kind of bothers me that she's in love with someone else. I bothers me that she's with Jake and they're literally made for each other. I feel weird about her and Jake not because I love Jake but I don't know.. It's such a weird feeling that I have about Cassidy being with anyone. A feeling of my heart dropping. I don't know why, I mean I'm gay! This shouldn't bother me at all. She is just a sister to me anyways right? What is this feeling of knots I have all of a sudden around Cassidy? I sigh looking around for the time. I see Cass's phone taking it to look at the time. It reads 10:48 p.m. I notice a few texts from Jake and I immediately begin to picture him. I can just imagine what it would be like if I were in Cassidy's spot. Oh Jake.. Any girl could easily fall head over heals for him. No wonder why Cass picked him. He's anyone dream guy. Same goes for Cassidy. Any guy would die to have her. They're both just so perfect for each other. Makes me wonder if I'll ever find that perfect person. Cassidy squirms around a little laying her head on my lap. I look at her noticing she's still sound asleep. I smile slightly. I start remembering that day in middle school when I told her I was gay. She seemed so calm about it. I mean.. I know she only sees me as a brother, but she was the one who was most calm about this.  She accepted me more than anyone else. I don't know what i would've done if she had turned on me. That probably would've been the end of me. If I didn't have Cassidy, I wouldn't be the Derek I am today. She's the one who holds me together when I can't. She means more to me than anyone. I wouldn't give up our friendship for anything. I slowly get up as I turn off the television and I go to the bathroom. I stand in front of the mirror washing my hands in the sink below it. I look into it and I see my reflection. I stand there for a good 5 minutes staring as my reflection stares back at me. I head back to the living room and Cassidy is still asleep. I walk to the couch and I sit back putting Cass back onto my lap. I lay my head back and stare up at the blank ceiling. I close my eyes as I slowly begin to fall asleep. I picture Jake one last time as a tear rolls down my face. I then fall into a deep sleep.