"The biggest thing I feel right now, Macy, is not pain, or fear. Its not betrayal, or longing for my daughter. Not any of the smaller feelings. Those will come later, im sure. But no. Its confusion. I'm so confused. What the hell has gotten into you?"
"Trust me mom, its better this way. I don't want to leave. I have to." I reply while shoving handfuls of clothes into a suitcase.
"If you don't want to, then don't. You can stay. I didn't mean what I said earlier. You don't have to leave. I'm sorry. Taylor can't provide for you like I have. All your damn life." She snaps at me.
"I DO have to leave. I was going to leave, sooner or later. No matter If you were kicking me out or not. And besides. Taylor is a wonderful man. He has supported me before when i lived with him." I argue back.
"You don't know what you're saying. This is a streak of rebellion, because you don't wanna do what your mommy says. You don't like my authority. All I did was tell you to go to school!" My mom pleads.
"Its more complicated then that, ma. You know I wouldn't be going anywhere if there weren't a real reason. A good reason. I'm not just leaving you behind." I tell her, facing the wall, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not." I repeat, more for my benefit than hers. "I would stay. I really, really would. But I must go. Its not a choice anymore." I lean against my dresser, opening another drawer to empty it.
"What are you even saying?!" She demands, throwing her hands in the air.
"I told you! Didn't I? I told you it was complicated!" I turn and face her full on. I sigh when her bottom lip trembles and her eyes fill with tears. "Ma, don't cry. Please. I know you're confused. But less is more. My new life, you're not supposed to be part of it. Everyone gets married. All kids move away. I'm seventeen, almost eighteen now, its time for me to get my own life started." I feel like crying to, and if I don't stop it now, I won't be able to keep from being hysterical. I sniff.
My mom swipes under her eyes, not letting her tears fall. Not yet. She never cries in front of me. She's always been the strong one. "If you leave me, I'll have no one." She whispers. "After you moved in with Taylor, I barely saw you anymore. If you move away completely, I'll never see you. I can't bear the thought. Why do you wanna leave all of a sudden?"
"Ugh!" I scream. "Stop! Stop that, now. Do not make me feel guilty for this. Mom. I have to start my life. You control every god damn step I take, and I'm old enough to make my own decisions now. Moving is the only way I'll be my own person. I will visit. You will see me, Mom. All the time. Holidays, birthdays. Everything. Just not right now. Please, get out of my room."
"Excuse me? This is my house! I'll be in whichever room I want." She crosses her arms.
I slam my hands down on my dresser, knocking off a bottle of perfume. The glass shatters, splattering Sweet Rose and Violet scent all over my carpet. I look at the mess on my floor, shaking my head. "Its my room. That's that. I need privacy. Respect my privacy, if nothing else." I say as calmly as possible. I look her dead in the eyes, straightening my posture. She will not win this argument. She will not stay here in my room and make me feel bad about moving out. She will not.
"You're psychotic." My mom spits the words at me, trying to cut deep. She takes off her shoe, swinging it at me. I barely dodge it. She turns on her heel and stomps away from my room. She throws things down the stairs, and sometimes toward my room, screaming insults at me.
"No, you are! Look at the way you're acting! You are being a psycho." I shout before slamming my door closed and locking it.
My mom bangs on the door, jiggles the handle, bangs some more, then threatens to take it off the hinges. She yells at me that once she takes it, she will personally confiscate all means of transportation, so that'll I'll never be able to leave the house again.
"Try it, and it'll be the last thing you take from her." I hear a deep, angel like voice say from down the hall. My mom stops banging. I wipe the tears from my face and run to my bedroom door, throwing it open.
"What are you doing here?" She demands, glaring at Taylor. "How'd you get in?"
"Im here for Macy, who gave me a key. She told me what happened. I'm glad I showed up when I did. Before the situation... escalated. So now that I'm here, I think Macy and I will go." He says to her, in his perfect, full of authority, voice that no one can fight with. Especially not my mom.
My mother glances at me, shocked. I push my shoulders back involuntary, and, without thinking, I raise my chin. She glares for a second, then stalks past Taylor and into her room.
"What the actual fuck?" He says under his breath, confused.
"Ugh. I wish you would have gotten here sooner. She totally flipped shit." I reply, walking into my room. I finish packing, with Taylor looking at me the whole time. I look at him just as he walks toward me. On his way to me, he steps on the broken perfume bottle. The crunching sound sends chills through me. His eyes get gentle as he looks from under his shoe, to my face. "That's my fault. I.. I need to clean it up." I tell him.
"Let me get it. You've had you're for share of glass cuts." He cracks a smile. I try an smile back, the humor not reaching my eyes. "Just finish packing okay? I'm ready to get outta here."
Taylor bends down, picking up the shards of glass. I turn away and begin collecting all the things I want to take with me. Confusion swirls in my mind. Thoughts trigger more feelings, the same feelings I'm sure my mom feels. And for a second, just a short second, I regret the decision to go. I almost want to stay.
Taylor scrubs viciously at the floor with a wet towel to remove the perfume. I bend down next to him, placing my hand over his. He instantly stops his angry cleaning. He looks at me with a pained expression.
Taylors POV
Macy looks at me longingly, and like she expects something. I'm not sure what to say. I know the fight with her mom wasn't a good one, but I don't know how I can make that better. She is obviously upset by it, and I'm torn, torn because I feel for her. She must feel terrible. She doesn't know why she has to do this, but she knows its the best thing. I tried to explain that. But the less she knows, the better. If she doesn't know all the details, I don't have to worry about her mom finding out.
Then I stand up, pulling her up with me. I leave the towel on the floor. I kiss her, then, holding her hand, I grab her suitcase and we walk out of her room. On the way by her mothers room, I stop. Macy looks at me, a crazed expression in her eyes.
I knock softly on her moms door, and wait. "Its Taylor. Can we all talk? All three of us?" I hear shuffling behind the door, then it opens halfway.
"What do you two want? To boss me around in my own home? Or to make me feel crazy for wanting to keep my daughter safe?" She questions.
"None of the above." I reply gingerly.
"Mom, I'm safe with Taylor. More safe than I am with you. Here." Macy says. I know she's right, but her mom wouldnt understand that. I squeeze her hand to keep her quiet, throwing a warning glance her way. She widens her eyes in innocence.
"We should have a calm conversation." I say, cocking my head to one side. "Please, its for the best. No one should leave another person on such bad terms."
Macy's POV
My mom closes her eyes for a second. I bite my tongue to keep quiet. How badly I want to be angry. How bad I want to voice myself to her. But Taylor wants this to go about this calmly. I will try. I will.
"I'll meet you both downstairs in the kitchen. In five minutes. IF, and I mean, IF everyone stays withing boundaries. Can we all do that?"
I nod. Taylor agrees with a small 'yes'. The door closes in our faces and we head down to the kitchen.
My mom has always tried to abide by boundaries. They've been the most important thing to her, one of the biggest teaching she enlisted in my brain, ever since I was small. She enforces and tries to respect them, but only rarely stays withing her own.
