Always & Forever

Chapter 8

I took a deep breath.

"When I was four years old, my mom was murdered. I never found out exactly what happened. I mean, I was only four years old.

"They ended up finding the guys who killed her, and they went to prison. But it didn't change what happened. After she died, my dad kind of... spiraled out of control. He started drink a lot. He would come home every night and be in this... rage. He would smash things, and throw things, and he would yell at me. And I didn't know what to do. I was only four years old and I was completely terrified. 

"Not long after that, my dad started to beat me. He would come home drunk and angry, and he took it out on me. And what the hell was I supposed to do? I was fucking four years old, I couldn't understand what was happening. So I would just take it. He would scream at me and tell me I was worthless and that he wished I had never been born. And he would hit me, and kick me, and throw things at me. But every night, after he had calmed down, he would tell me that he was sorry and promise that he would never do it again. He said that I had to keep it a secret, because if I ever told anyone, then they would take him away, too, and I would be all alone. He said no one else would ever love me. And I believed him. He raised me to believe that this was as good as it was going to get for me. I thought that it was my fault that this was happening to me, I thought that I deserved everything that I was getting. He broke me down. I thought that I was completely worthless, and that without him I would die. So I forgave him. Every single night I forgave him. And every single night he would do it all over again. 

"One night, when I was seven, he came home with a group of his friends. It was the middle of the night, and I was asleep in my bed. Him and all of his friends were plastered. That night, they raped me. He stood there, and watched his friends rape his daughter. He stood there and watched me crying. And he laughed. And then he raped me, too. And of course, I just took it. I thought that I deserved it. I didn't want my dad to get mad at me or get taken away from me, so I let it happen. 

"After that night, he started raping me on a regular basis. His friends would come over and rape me. And he still beat me every single night. But I always thought that one day he would really stop. I fell for his promises and apologies every night. I would tell him that it was okay, and that I forgave him. I was so stupid, thinking that he actually cared about me. He didn't give a damn about me. All he cared about was himself. 

"He sexually, physically, and mentally abused me until I was 14. One night, my dad pushed me down the stairs and something just... clicked. I realized that he was never going to stop. He was going to keep beating me until he killed me. So, I ran away. I was bruised and broken and covered in blood. I went to the only place that I knew to go, Harry's house. He was my best friend, but he had no clue about what was going on. When I got to his house, I told him and his family everything. 

"I ended up taking my dad to court, and he got sent to prison. I lived with a foster family in England for a while after that, but I couldn't even stand being in the same country as him. I kept having panic attacks. I was convinced that he was coming for me. Somehow, my foster parents worked out a way for me to move in with a foster family in America. I lived with that family until I turned 18. That's when I came here. 

"I thought that I was better. Or at least getting there. But I guess I was wrong. I can't escape from him." 

I sobbed into Niall's shoulder. He looked shocked, and I couldn't blame him after what I had just told him. Niall was crying, too. He hugged me, and I buried my face into his neck.

"I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through all of that. I wish that I could've been there to stop it." He said between sobs.

"Just the thought of you having to experience any pain kills me. But you will never be alone or afraid ever again. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, and I will let you go. I promise that nothing like this will ever happen to you again. I will be here to protect you forever."

Niall held me in his arms as we both cried. Getting everything off of my chest was a huge relief, especially to Niall.

"I want more than anything to take away all of the hurt and pain that you had to go through. I'm so sorry."

Niall pulled out of the hug and looked into my eyes, holding my face.

"I love you, Cara, I love you so much."

Niall kissed me and pulled me back into a hug.

"And I love you." I said, my face buried deep into his neck. 

I wished we could've stayed that way for hours, but after a while I reluctantly pulled out of the hug. 

"Your face..." I said, "We need to get to a hospital." 

The gash on Niall's face had stopped bleeding and starred to scab; it still looked terrible. 

I couldn't believe that we had spent all of this time talking and hugging, and the weight of the situation finally dawned on me. 

I pulled out my phone and called 911.

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Okay, so that happened. 

I wanted it to be better, but oh well. 

PSA TIME!

In all seriousness, abuse and domestic violence is a very important issue. If you are being abused, know anyone who's being abused, or suspect someone of being abused, speak up! Don't be afraid. I promise that there are plenty people out there who love and care about you. Please get help. You are worth so much more than that.

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224

Website: www.thehotline.org

I love you all!

xoxo, Kay