Always & Forever

Chapter 12

I sat in Dr. Carver's office, staring at the lifeless, gray walls and fidgeting with my hands.

"Cara?" Dr. Carver asked.

"Yes?" I said, looking at her.

"Did you hear my question?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's alright." She smiled warmly at me, "I asked you if you've had any more flashbacks, since the accident."

"Oh." I looked down again.

After I had gotten into the accident, and explained to the doctor why, he ordered me to go to therapy. I had gone to therapy before, after my father went to prison, but I would never actually talk to the therapist. I didn't know what to say. I was still so flustered and confused. I didn't trust anyone.

So I didn't exactly want to be here now.

"Cara?"

"Sorry. Yes, I've had two, I think."

"And what were they like?"

"Not as intense, that's for sure."

"Good. That's good."

"It's good that I'm having flashbacks?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's progress." Dr. Carver answered.

I looked back down. 

"And you have dreams as well?"

"Yes." 

"How often?"

"Every night." 

"Every night?" She seemed surprised.

I nodded again.

"And what are those like?"

I exhaled, "I don't know. They suck." 

I was getting frustrated, and apparently Dr. Carver could see that. 

"What are you thinking right now?"

"I'm thinking that I don't know why I have to be here. This isn't going to help me. I've tried this before, and nothing changed, nothing got better. I still have flashbacks. I still have dreams. I still live in fear of my father. This isn't going to change that! Why can't anybody see that?! I'm not going to get any better!" I yelled.

I think I expected this to scare Dr. Carver, but she stayed calm.

"Sit down." She said, firmly, but not angrily.

I did.

"Listen, I know you don't want to be here. I know that you don't think that it's going to get any better. I know that."

"So then why do I have to be here?"

"Because it's gotten out of control."

"No it hasn't. It's fine! I'm fine!"

"No, Cara, you're not fine."

"Yes, I am!"

"Do you realize what could've happened to you? You could've died in that accident. That boy you were with, he could've died, too. You were lucky, extremely lucky, that neither of you were too badly injured. But how do you know that you'll be that lucky next time?" 

Thinking that Niall could've died brought tears to my eyes. She was right. Of course she was right. I started to cry.

"Cara, you can get better. I know that it's hopeless, but you can. You have to try, though. I am going to help you as much as I can, but I can't help you at all if you don't let me. So, will you let me help you?"