HIM

Chapter Eleven

It's Tuesday and today is just not the day. I'm tired as hell, im upset, and I thought about just ditching today and staying home. On top of that, people just been trying me today. For example Alexis. She already know I don't like her and now every time she walks pass me she be trying to smile in my face. I've been trying to hold my peace, but people just want me to blow up today. As you can see today is one of those days.

"Boo bear. I need your help." Shakur ran up to me in the hallway.

"Last time I "helped" you, I was being hunted down by some crazy niggas, and I was hiding from them." And we're still not out of that situation. Shawn just hasn't came around. But I have a feeling that he has people watching us. Especially Shakur.

"Look. I thought you forgave me for that." He said making a sad face and it was just so adorable.

"I did. But I just felt the need to remind you about what happened last time, before you proceed to ask for my help. Now whatever you need help with, is this going to put my life in danger?"

"No"

"Are you positive?"

"Yes I'm positive. Look all I need is your help with what I should get or do for Shawn when I see him. I already know I'm in a shit load of trouble but I think he'll lighten up a little if I got him something or did something for him." He said. I looked at him like he was stupid. I mean I understand him trying to save his ass and ours but at this point I don't think there is anything to do.

"Shak. I knew you were slow, but not that slow. You know that shit is not gone work. There is absolutely nothing you can do at this point to or for that crazy nigga. He gone smack the shit out of you and I won't even be surprised if he smacks me, Armani, and Chai." I said.

"Shawn ain't smacking shit. Look why can't you just give me an idea or something A. Instead of giving me all the negative feedback. What is up with you today anyway." He asked.

In all honesty I just don't feel like dealing with people. I've had a long night and today, I just can't deal.

"I don't know Shak. I just don't feel like dealing with anyone or anything today. I just want to go to sleep in my bed and eat some good ass food. Is that too much to ask?"

"Angel. You know you can't lie to me. You might be able to lie to yourself and maybe some other people. But you know you cant lie to me. I know you. Now what's really wrong."

I looked at him, and I just gave up on the wall I was holding up today. I felt a tear run down my cheek and I had to look away from him.

"I talked to my Dad last night. On the phone."

"What did he say baby"

"I asked him to be honest with me. And you know what he told me. He said he'll never be able to love me as much as he loves his other children with his wife."

I started to cry. I couldn't hold it anymore. I was broken from the inside and I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to fix myself.

"Do you know how that feels. To hear from your father, that he'll never be able to love you as much as he loves his other kids with the woman he left you and your mom with. I thought I could handle the truth from him, because we don't really have a relationship. Ya know. But it didn't do anything but make me feel worst. It makes me feel like I failed him as a daughter"

"Hey don't you ever try to put the blame on yourself. If anyone has failed anything. He failed you as a father. He wasn't there when you needed him, he wasn't there for you at all. He left you and your mom high and dry and he didn't even care. He didn't come visit you, he missed out on birthdays, holidays, special occasions, all of that. You can't blame yourself for him being foolish and selfish. Your an amazing friend and an amazing daughter. He's the one failing not you. OK"