Wake the Dead

chapter 37

What day is it? Week? Month? I don't know.. All I know is that is fucking cold and I'm alone. The snow was sticking and piling up heavy now. I was starving and the only thing close to water I had recently was the snow. 

How long had it been since I lost the group? Weeks? Months? 

Why should I even try anymore? The numbness tells me that I shouldn't, that there is no reason.

Oh yes, the numbness... I tried fighting it in the beginning when I still had shards of hope that I would find the group, but now... Now I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically dead. 

I was surprised that I was able to fight it off for so long, but when I ran into another small group, it completely took over. Why? Because they threatened me? Beat me? Raped me? Gave me multiple injuries? Left me in the freezing snow? Left me for dead? No, I think it was the fact that every second and every moment all I could think about was Daryl.

It was my fault, too. I trusted them. Why? Because they had food... I was too weak to fight them off physically and too weak mentally when I met them. 

Weak.

That's all I was... Weak. 

Once I lost the group.. When I lost Daryl, Rick, Glenn, Maggie... When I lost my family and couldn't find them I felt myself slip away. I constantly ask myself why do I still try? Why do I still put up with the freezing, ice cold nights? The nightmares? The hunger? Thirst? Pain? Sadness? Suffering? WHY!?

My mind would bombard it's self with all these questions every day and night, but I could only come up with one answer every time... Because my family could still be out there and I can still find them. But, would they even want me? I was broken and they could have easily moved on. For all I know they probably didn't even look for me.

I had somehow learned to completely shut my mind off, slipping into a dark place and being perfectly okay with it. The numbness controlled me when I was in that state, but I didn't mind, I didn't have to feel.

I let out a grunt of pain as I hoisted myself down from a tree, landing on my bad ankle. I had twisted it some time recently, but didn't really care, it wasn't the worst of my injuries. I had a busted up lip, possibly broken arm, frostbite, bruises everywhere, insomnia, and I always seemed to be bleeding somewhere. 

I kept moving, day after day, going no where in particular, just moving. I started to make my way through the thick snow, feeling an ache in my ankle, but I again ignored it. I wrapped the sleeves of my jacket around my hands that where turning red from the coldness and started to mindlessly trek through the forest. What forest was I even in? 

I needed food and I needed it soon. I don't know how much longer I could drag myself around without eating. I could tell how skinny I was getting and it disgusted me. I was so unhealthy that my period was irregular and my bones were starting to stick out, especially on my ribcage. 

*

I had been walking all day and the sun was starting to set. I had ate some snow, but that was it. I was starting to feel the energy leave my body and my head start to get light, but I kept walking. What was I even walking to? A buffet that was going to magically appear? I let out a sadistic laugh at my self, but ended up starting to cough. I was surprised that I didn't die from the flu that I always seemed to have. 

"Yo V. Did you hear that?" I heard a voice in the distance call out as it started to get closer to me. Shit. No, not people. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to run off, but I was so physically weak and food deprived I fell straight into the snow. "Hey over here!" A new voice called out. I tried to crawl away, but just collapsed once again.