Michael's Guide To Third Wheeling || Michael Clifford

Tip #7: Dress Up, Not Mess Up

What to remember: You're never too early to go Christmas shopping for yourself. Also, check where you're heading to.

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I was once told that I could be a bit like the bitter Scrooge. We both loved money.

The only difference was I hardly had any of it.

And now I was in, of all the places, the girl section of Target, looking for a suit. How did I end up here?

"Ooo! This dress is so gorgeous!" Candace squealed, holding up another dress to give to Calum for him to carry. He was piled with a mountain of clothes that covered his face. "I have got to try this on," his girlfriend remarked. "And look! The bottom has a sheer lining that I once saw Kendall Jenner wear!"

"Oh please, I hope I don't have to wear a matching shirt like that," Calum muttered to himself hopelessely.

I let out a soft chuckle. He finally realized that wearing matching clothes with your significant other was not cute. It was ironic though, because the two were evidently coordinating today.

'He's mine!' Read the shirt of Candace, while it had an arrow pointing to the left.

'She's mine!" Read the shirt of Calum, while it had an arrow pointing to the right.

Talk about being clingy.

What made it funny was Calum was right behind her, carrying her items while I was on Calum's right side, so it was like the arrow on his shirt was pointing at me.

"Weren't we shopping for me?" I took a chance in asking Candace that, fearing what she might say.

Hell knows no fury like a woman being disturbed while shopping.

"Give me five more minutes," was her reply and the end of me wanting to negotiate.

I doubted her. She had a ton of things to try on, and it would take us five minutes just to go to the dressing room.

"I'm bored," I told Calum who seemed to share the same feelings towards shopping. "The clothes all look the same to me."

"Not to Candace," answered Calum, grunting after a dress had fallen to the floor. "She talks about halter tops and tube tops. What's the difference?"

"I don't know. All I buy are plain shirts."

He sighed. "Me too." But by the looks of it, I thought he was kidding me. He never wore a plain tee, even if I knew how much he wanted to.

"You know what? Why don't you guys go shopping together like a proper couple while I go to the Men's section and get what I need."

Calum looked undecided.

"Come on. What could happen?" I patted him roughly and a few more clothes fell out of his arms.

Calum answered back angrily but stopped to pretend nothing was happening when his girlfriend turned to the both of us. He had a halo glowing right on top of his head like he were some pious saint who was only up to good deeds.

I'm sure he would have made a snarky comment after, but I left him to say that to Candace's halter tops on the floor.

Before going to my destination I made sure to pass by my favorite place: the video game section.

"That'll be thirty-two dollars and fifty cents in total," said the cashier with her hand motioning towards my pocket in a "come-hither" motion. I drew back feeling uneasy at how she looked at my valuable wallet (which hardly had anything in it).