papercut.

f o u r

Three days later, I'm still at Connor's place. Brian hasn't contacted me at all and, if I'm completely honest, I don't mind. Connor and I haven't mentioned what happened between us and don't dare do so. We now however stand at Brian's door- my old apartment door- waiting for him to open up the door and let us in. I've been holding off from talking to him for too long now.

Brian opens up the door at last and his expression softens when he lays his gray eyes upon me.
"Troye..." My name comes out of his mouth like a feather floating in the wind.
"I-um-I want to talk with you." He looks behind me and sees Connor, recognizing him immediately and scowling at him.
"Okay. Come on in." Brian steps out of the way and welcomes me back into the apartment. Now, the apartment feels cold and unwelcoming as opposed to when I called this place home.

Brian looks at Connor, almost seeming to tell him to leave us alone.
"He's staying. If you want to talk to me, he's staying right here." I speak firmly to Brian and he nods at the statement. We walk and sit down on the couch, Brian and I on opposite sides of the L shaped seat. Connor sits down on my side of the couch, though he tries to sit as far from me as possible.
"You-You look good, Tro." A half-smile is on his face and he eyes me up and down.

"I don't think we should be together, Brian." I avoid looking away from his eyes, willing myself to keep looking at him. His expression changes, showing anger and confusion and sadness all mixed together.
"Troye, I am so-"
"You're what? Sorry? You hit me. I don't want to be in a relationship with you if you're just going to treat me like fucking shit!"
"Please babe, I'll go to therapy. I'll-"

"Don't call me babe. I don't want to be your boy no more." Brian darts his eyes away from mine and looks down. He bites his bottom lip and looks back up at me. Angrily he eyes Connor and shakes his head viciously.
"It's because of him isn't it?" Brian raises a finger and motions towards Connor, "You want him so you're ending it with me."
"Oh shut up Brian this isn't because of Connor. He's letting me stay with him until I find another place."

Brian shuts up then, and looks at me and Connor.
"You always had a thing for him. I could see it since the day you introduced me." I look at Connor out of the corner of my eye before I look back at Brian. If I were to shake my head at Brain, I would be lying. I did like Connor; I still do. But never in a million years did I think I would cheat on my boyfriend with him. I bring myself to nod but no words form around the lump in my throat. Connor looks at me with a shocked look on his face and Brian looks with an angry glare.

"Get out of my apartment. Take your things and leave." Brian stands up and walks away from me. Following what he said, I stand up and watch as Brian grabs his car keys.
"You have an hour. By the time I get back, I want you out." He snaps at me and looks at Connor. With a shake of his head, he walks to the door and leaves similar to how I did just four days ago.

When Brian is gone, I turn to Connor and he exhales deeply.
"I can see why you wanted to leave that guy all this time." He says to me. Connor met Brian a few times in the past but he never met him in his true, malicious form. I smile at him a sad half-assed smile and walk past Connor and down the hallway into the bedroom. As soon as I open the door, nostalgia washes over me like a wave rushing over a beach.

The bed is unkempt, just how we always left it, and my things are untouched. I walk immediately to the single closet in the bedroom and pull out my three suitcases I had when I moved here to the U.S. Grabbing my clothes, I jam all of them into the suitcases while Connor looks at the pictures and knick-knacks on the shelves and dresser. In one small frame, a picture of me and Brian smiling together and in another, my family and I all together in Australia.

The sight of the pictures cause me to well up with tears but I blink them back. I don't want Connor to see me cry again. I instead just continue to pack until my clothes are packed up tightly and jammed into my suitcase and the shelves are half empty and the pictures of me and my family are gone. With Connor's help, I carry my keyboard that sat in the corner of my bedroom to his car with my other suitcases.

48 minutes after Brian left, I left too.

〰

Connor and I get back to his apartment just before dinner time. We carry in my things and set them in his guest room directly next to his bedroom. Panic begins to set in as I realized I'm practically homeless now. I sit down on Connor's couch in the same exact spot he kissed me for the first time. He walks in behind me and sits down directly next to me, the sides of our thighs almost touching.

"You can stay here as long as you need to. I really don't mind. I've been looking for a roommate anyways." I smile at Connor and nod at the request, suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling I can't identify.
"Thank you. Thank you so much." I lean in and embrace Connor tightly, taking him aback at the gesture. He meekly hugs me back, scared to hug me too tight or for too long.

When Troye and I separate from the hug, I look at him and he asks me a simple question.
"What do you say about Indian food and red wine and Transparent on Netflix tonight? Just the two of us?" Instead of simply telling him my answer, I just reach down and grab Connor's hand in mine.
"I think that Indian food and Transparent and wine would be lovely."

〰〰〰
im watching the remake of vacation right now lordy this is great
xx, madi
ps: what do you think of the new cover??