papercut.

s e v e n

Nearly three months pass of me being in Perth. I speak to Connor occasionally, catching up with him and exchanging how much we miss each other. I always equivocate around the questions regarding when I'm going to be home, as I don't know. The wound on my heart is still gushing blood, the separation between us not doing any good. Connor does say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Sage is still the only person to know about what happened between Connor and I. Of course, my family has their suspicions that something is going on but none of them are thinking it was something as crazy as sex. They certainly won't know that I cheated on Brian either. Actually, they'll never know that. My family always mentions Connor when they see me on my phone, asking me who if I'm talking to him and teasing me about that.

"Tokkie? Can you come here please?" My mum calls from what I presume is my parents bedroom and I sit up on my bed. I'd been laying on my stomach on my laptop watching Netflix.
"Coming Mom!" I yell back as soon as I leap off of my bed and open up my door. I walk down the hallway and open up the bedroom door to find my mum sitting on the edge of her bed.
"What's going on?" I ask and she just motions me towards the bed. I close the door behind me and take a seat next to her.

"I need you to be completely honest with me Tokkie. What happened with you and Brian?" I look her in the eyes, tears quickly filling them. A lump forms in my throat and anchors down the words I yearn to say.
"I fucked up mum. I really fucked up." My mum looks at me surprised as I lower my head into my hands and begin to cry. No, I don't just cry, I sob.
"I'm sure it's not that bad Tokkie-"

"I cheated on Brian."

Silence. My mum's jaw drops and she brings a hand to her mouth in shock.
"Troye..." She drags my name out, her tone laced in disappointment and sadness for me.
"I didn't know what I was doing, I-I was drunk and lonely and-" I trail my thought off before I continue it, "-I couldn't help myself."
My mom shakes her head in disbelief and she speaks again, her voice still meek.
"Was it with Connor?" I lock my eyes with her, and slowly bring myself to nod.

"Alright. Another question; was it consensual? On both sides?" I nod immediately.
"Yeah it was. I stayed at his house that night and we talked things over the next day and-"
"Well are you boyfriends now?" My mum interrupts and I hesitate at answering her question.
"I left. I came back here and I just left him hanging." I say and shake my head, realizing everything I did. Everything is going wrong.

My entire life has changed and has shattered and it's all my fault. A single mistake I committed has changed everything. Every single thing I had back in Los Angeles is gone. Except for Connor. Brian, all of my dreams to become a singer, and even a place to live is all gone. For a while I was staying with Connor paying no rent and making no money. But why would Connor let me stay with him if I had nothing? He hasn't given up on me yet.

"I-I need to go. I need to get back to him." I leap up from the bed and my mum grabs my arm.
"Are you sure you want to go back? What if it doesn't work out?" My mum says warningly and I just shake my head.
"No I need to go. If I don't tell him how I actually feel now I may never be able to!" Understanding the pain I'm feeling at last, my mum nods and lets go of my arm.

Don't worry Connor, I'll be there soon.

〰

I ended up boarding my flight to Los Angeles two hours after I realized I needed to go. My family didn't attempt to stop me, knowing my heart was set already on getting to him. By the time I got to Connor's apartment, I was already almost half asleep from the jetlag. Gaining fifteen hours of jetlag just to be reunited with the guy I had an affair with? Excellent idea.

My hand is shaking as I use the key Connor gave me months ago and open up his apartment door. He's sitting on his couch, watching tv and turns his head when he hears the door open.
"Troye!" Yelling my name happily, Connor jumps up from the couch and runs into my arms, embracing me tightly. I instead don't say anything and just meet my lips with his, trying to recover the kisses we lost in the past three months.

Connor kisses me back, smiling against my lips and looping his arms around my neck to be able to be closer to me. Through the kiss I manage to mumble muffled words.
"I'm so sorry I didn't come back sooner." Connor continues to place small kisses on my lips and I steady myself by putting a hand on the small of his back.
"Never leave me again. Please." I nod my head at Connor's request and nuzzle my head into Connor's neck.
"I promise. I promise babe." I smile against his skin and yet I still feel an ache in my heart.

We stand in the middle of his living room hugging for who knows how long, just enjoying the comfort and touch of each other. I finally speak up and lift my head from his shoulder.
"Why didn't you give up on me?" I ask, and Connor hesitates for a second before he places one of his hands on my cheek.
"I could never give up on you, darling." He whispers and I stare into his green eyes. I lean back in and kiss him.

〰〰〰
*le gasp*
GUYS MY MOM SAID IF A TWEET OF MINE GOT 30RTS SHED GET ME A SWEATSHIRT FROM THE 1975's STORE AND I GOT IT IN AN HOUR YEEE

xx, madi

P.S: shoutout to my main girl LivyLizzie for being a b!tch and sending me pictures of food while I'm hungry. love you🖕