How to Fall in Love in Three Easy Steps

Chapter 11

It had almost been a month, and Jack was still in his own little world. This was the way he dealt with pain, it always had been. He blocked out the world and tried not to fuck everything else up. Although Jack found it beneficial, to everyone else, it was a burden. Whenever he was trying to get away from the world, he constantly forgot important things, like assignments, parties, locations, birthdays, and even when to wake up. It was like Jack was a newborn baby, just learning how to live again.

Halloween was just around the corner, a mere three days away. Since Jack had been around four years old, Halloween had been his favorite holiday. Unfortunately, the festivities had completely slipped his mind. He couldn't even recall what he did last Halloween, when he shot up heroin with Greg and knocked over 20 different mailboxes.

Autumn was here, the air outside cool and brisk. Leaves littered every inch of the ground, a plethora of colors inking the grass.

Jack wandered aimlessly around the school, not even wondering where he was supposed to be. In reality, it was third period, the dreaded English class. Jack found it hard to go to that class without wanting to cry, even though he didn't know why. When he was sitting in that desk, his heart felt as if it was being wrenched out of his chest. It was like a living hell, and Jack didn't even know what was going on.

Jack pushed through two huge wooden doors to find himself in the school's library. The room was absolutely gigantic, and completely empty. The silence seemed to echo around him. Large shelves of books sat there, mocking him, whispering taunting things into his ears. Reading and Jack went together like orange juice and toothpaste, and he often skipped reading all together. At this moment, however, Jack found himself at ease in the library and its ringing silence. In the quiet, Jack decided it would be a good place to sneak off to with someone, maybe to make out.

Jack felt this twinge in his stomach that he couldn't quite place. In the back of his mind, Jack knew there was someone that he wanted to make out with in this room. Who was that again? Jack remembered that the person was beautiful, or at least, Jack had thought they were beautiful. Whether this person was a man or a woman, they had done something wrong. Maybe this person wasn't really so beautiful after all. Yet, Jack still prayed the person would still be beautiful when he remembered who they were.

Books lined the walls and blurred as Jack ran by them as fast as possible, trying to forget about that beautiful person. What had they done to him? Whenever he thought of the person, his belly would flutter, but then it would sour.

Jack shook himself from his own thoughts and pulled a book off the shelf. As if it was fate, the book was To Kill a Mockingbird.

"Something's wrong," Jack stated.

Things were speeding through Jack's brain too fast for him to concentrate on. Books fell to the ground as Jack slid down the shelf, his jeans finally reaching the dark blue carpet. It was itchy, even through the denim fabric. The musty smell of old books and ink lingered in the air.

For a second, Jack let his guard down, and thought about the beautiful person. And then, everything was rushing back all at once. A whole month had gone by and Jack didn't remember one godforsaken minute of it. Now, the field trip events were haunting Jack's thoughts. It was the same visual over and over: Alex's face as he pushed Jack away.

As the memories finally came back, Jack began to cry. It wasn't a subtle, few tears dripping down the cheeks kind of thing, it was a full on sob. Waterfalls of tears were streaming Jack's face as the field trip screamed back at him. Every inch of his body was wracked with sobs, and he couldn't even hear anything other than Alex's voice repeated over and over. This wasn't supposed to happen; it was never supposed to surface from the depths of Jack's brain.