How to Fall in Love in Three Easy Steps

Chapter 21

Morning came far too quickly, Jack's head slumping over in the middle of the common room, his face banging into the keyboard of the computer he was stationed at. Jumbles of letters spilled out onto the essay he was attempting to write for his English class. Although he had been working on his extra work nonstop, he was already falling behind in the current classwork while trying to save himself from his mistakes. The time was around 11:30, and he had yet to check up on Alex. After the whole debacle from the night before, he found himself intensely worried, but at the same time extremely curious. Deep down, Jack knew something had gone terribly wrong, and could feel his stomach clench up into knots. Without a second thought, Jack sprung up out of his seat and began his way down the familiar path to Alex's dorm. On the night before, after Alex had passed out on Darryl's bed, the two roommates dragged their unconscious friend back to his bed. Although Darryl had left within five minutes, Jack stayed an extra ten, rubbing his thumb against Alex's palm and kissing his knuckles.

No one was around, so Jack slipped into Alex's room, silently tiptoeing towards the bed. Alex was seated at his desk, head bent over with concentration, flinching as the door shut.

"Not now," he muttered, his eyes still focused on his paper.

"Sorry," Jack began, "I just wanted to make sure that you were oka-"

"I'm fine. Go away," his voice cold and harsh.

"What's going on?"

"Can you just go?" Alex snarled.

"What the fuck is your deal?" Jack spat.

"My 'deal' is that I drank myself to shit last night because I had told everyone we were in a relationship, including my mom, who in fact fucking hates me now."

"How do you even know she hates you?"

"Because she fucking screamed at me when I drove home yesterday."

Jack opened his mouth but couldn't speak for several seconds.

"What did she say?" he finally croaked.

"She said she's disgusted by my behavior. My own fucking mother can't fucking accept me for liking a fucking guy. Do you know what that's like? To watch your own mom hate you for being gay? Do you?" Alex cried, his voice raising, tears coming to his eyes.

"Alex-" Jack whispered, putting his hand on Alex's shoulder. With the feeling of Jack's hand, Alex sprung back and stared at Jack.

"Don't touch me. Don't even come near me. Just leave me alone."

"Please," Jack whimpered, "Don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Jack. It would be better if you just left."

It was every one of Jack's nightmares rolled into one, snowballing over him, rolling down a mountain with Jack in the middle. He blinked stupidly and stared at Alex.

"Go!" Alex yelled, pushing Jack forward.

Jack stumbled back slightly, still lost in his own thoughts.

"You went through all that pain just to have it blow it in your face. It's all your fault and you can't fix it," the voice inside Jack's head whispered.

Jack found every inch of his body tense; his toes curled, lips in a straight line. For a second, he found his mouth wide open to speak, but only a small squeak came out. Alex glared at him with sad eyes and once again pushed Jack backwards in a half-assed matter.

"Jack," he cried, falling forward into him, clutching Jack's jacket.

"Why can't it stop?" he whimpered, his head buried into Jack's chest.

"Why can't what stop?"

"The pain. Why doesn't the pain stop? It would be better if I was dead."

"No, Alex. It wouldn't be better if you were dead. Dying gives you no chance to get better. If you died, what would I become? Without you, all I feel is pain. We can make it through this together."

"Jack," he repeated, a hint of despair in his voice.

"What is it?"

Alex replied with his lips, tracing sweet nothings into Jack's mouth with his tongue. Hunger was present in the air, the hormones stinking up the room with the scent of sweat and lust. Shirts were tossed aside, soft skin nipped gently, moans escaping every once in a while. A cool breeze swept in through the room, goosebumps washing over the two boys. Jack climbed atop of Alex, tenderly caressing his face and stomach, kissing anywhere and everywhere.

"Jack, stop," he muttered as Jack's hands fluttered down towards Alex's belt.

"Sorry," he muttered, leaning over to kiss the dip of Alex's collarbone. It tasted of sweat and cologne and heat. Blood pushed hard through every vein and pulsed under the surface of the skin. Alex felt the heat rise to his face when Jack kissed him trying not to lose control of himself. Nothing seemed to be out of place as the birds chirped outside and warmth radiated off the two boys.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"I'm sorry, Jack."

"About what?"

Alex breathed in deep and refused to look into Jack's eyes as he whispered, "I meant what I said earlier."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked while pushing himself up off of the other boy's body.

"I'm so sorry."

Jack tried to breathe but found himself immobilized, his lungs constricted, as the words forced their way out of his mouth.

"You want to break up?"

"No, I... I can't explain. I just don't want to finish this conversation."

"Are you fucking kidding? We just-" Jack couldn't finish his sentence and swallowed down hard.

"I know, I don't want it to be like this. Don't hate me," he murmured.

The next few seconds were far too long as Jack picked his shirt up off the floor and slid it over his head.

"Bye," he muttered while slamming the door behind him. As he stalked away, he was almost certain he heard Alex say something, but he was too far gone to hear it.

It was a full ten minutes before the dark urges slithered back into Jack's mind. They were dirty, tainting Jack's brain and painting it black, smothering his thoughts. The world around him was moving slowly while everything in his mind was attempting to be at hyper speed. Memories of his addictive past poured back in, and suddenly, he wanted it back. How easy would it be to score something? Was it too late to come crawling back to Greg? And how would he make it out of this alive? With those final thoughts, Jack found himself on his bed, ready to fall into dreamland. As he closed his eyes, the rain began to fall.