The Girl Who Cried Save Me

Chapter 18

  For a while, I just aimlessly walked around on the beach. I was thinking about how stupid I am.

Another thing I couldn't get out of my mind was the feeling of Mike's lips on mine.

  They were so soft and tasted like nicotine.

  I sighed to myself and decided it was time to go back. The sun was setting and I didn't want to wander around alone in the dark.

  I saw them sitting around a bonfire as I watched from a distance.

  Emily was sitting next to Jaime, and he had his arm around her. They were all joking around and laughing.

  Tony was smiling and occasionally sipping his water. Vic was making hand motions while talking.

  I looked over at Mike who looked a little out of it. He didn't seem horribly upset or anything, just confused and maybe frustrated.

  Well there you go, ruining someone else's day too, my mind laughed darkly at me.

  I turned back around and walked the opposite direction of them. I pulled out my phone and texted Emily.

  Jess: Gonna go home, I'm tired. I'll be fine. See you later :)

 
  I added the smiley face so she wouldn't worry. Then I sighed and speed walked in the direction of my house.

  I know, it's so stupid for me to even consider walking home after the sun had went down, but I just had this feeling in my stomach like I was unwanted there.

  I made sure to stay on the main roads, where there were cars passing. I avoided eye contact with anyone I passed.

  I sighed to myself as I reached my house door. I could hear chatter coming from the inside. I guess they're having dinner.

  I used the spare key to get inside and silently closed the door. I kept my head down as I passed the dining room where everyone was seated, eating.

  "Jessica? You guys are back so soon?", my aunt asked. I gave her a small, fake smile and shook my head.

  "Uh..no I didn't feel well so I came home. Emily's still at the beach", I told her. She nodded.

  "Do you need to see a doctor?", my Dad's voice asked. My surprised eyes met his. He looked concerned.

  But why?

  "Don't be ridiculous. She just needs to go to her room", my mother rolled her eyes and shot me a look.

  I nodded silently and walked up the stairs. No matter how much my mother gives me crap, it always hurts.

  I plopped down on the bed and pet Dragon as I let my mind destroy itself.

  Why not just end it sooner?

  Who's gonna care?

  Nobody cares...

  I felt myself slowly lose control and I mindlessly got up, leaving Dragon sleeping on my bed.

  I was basically in auto pilot as I walked into my bathroom and shut the door behind me. I felt like I was seeing through someone else's eyes.

  I didn't even have control...

  I found a razor I had hidden inside the cabinet so Emily wouldn't find it.

  I slid down the wall and sat on the cold floor. I rolled up my sleeves, revealing thousands of old scars and healing ones.

  Then I took in a deep breath and brought the cold metal to my skin, thinking about how it would all be over soon.