Scarred

Have a little faith!

Chapter 2 Have a little faith!

As I said this is just the beginning of my story. I don't know how its going to end or what will happen in the middle, all I know is how started and how I got ripped apart. They say that God gives his hardest missions to his strongest soldiers. So why did he choose me? I mean I am as weak as one could possible be. So why give me this life? Maybe he didn’t give me this life and maybe it’s my fault that I am as screwed up as I am.

“Sammy, its time for breakfast!” My aunt shouted from downstairs.

“I'm coming!” I replied

I walked downstairs and I could smell the lovely scent of pancakes. I could tell that Clarie really tried to make me feel at home but my trust in other people is not that strong. What would happen if she'd get tired of trying to mend me.. So many people have left me as soon they figure out that I am a hopeless case, I would too if I was them. I mean I'm so broken that I dont even know if I can be fixed.

“Good Morning Honey!” My aunt smiled towards me.

“Morning Clarie.” What's the point of saying good morning when there no such thing as a good morning and there hasn't been one for a long time. So why would they start coming around now?

I ate my pancakes and were just about to head up to my room like I've done the past couple of days. I spend most of the time in there. I just don't see the point in talking with Clarie I know that sounds harsh since she's just trying to help,and yes I know she lost her sister but she doesn’t have to deal with the fact of being the reason to why she's gone. She should hate me and I don’t know why she doesn’t.

“Sam how about we go out today and do something?” Clarie asked with a smile that is contagious to anyone but me.

I was just about to say no thanks when she interrupted  me with another smile and said:

“ I know a great bookstore a few blocks from here, we can go there if you like?”

“Well... I can't really say no to books can I?”

Because the truth is I can't every time I've been hurt I've turned to books cause they can't judge you or tell you that everything that has happened to you is your own fault. Books let you escape to an imaginarium world so you don't have to feel the constant pain or the numbness that from time to time makes you feel nothing at all like a hollow shell.

I walked up to my room and got dressed. I have never been the girly type of girl who wear heels or make-up. The heels part is mostly because I'm already really tall and too clumsy for my own good.

It took about 15 minutes to walk to the bookstore. It looked really rusty on the outside but you know what they say don't judge a book by it's cover. But in fact thats what you do every time you meet someone, it’s always how the things and persons look that make the first impression. It’s that first impression that counts and sticks with you sure you can change their impressions of later but you’ll never get a chance to a do over with first impressions.

I walked in to find a huge room literally filled with books from floor to the ceiling. It was like being in heaven. Yes I have an odd thought about what heaven is but that’s because clouds and even more clouds doesn’t sound too appealing to me.

I walked around looking at the book of which most I’ve already read. What surprised me the most was the amount of books they’ve been able to put in to such little space! But it’s not like I am complaining because the more books the merrier, at least for me.

I’ve never really understood how people can hate reading, I mean it somehow brings you to life all those times it feel like you’re drowning and you sort of become the character and feel all of it’s emotion and who would say no to be Katniss or Hermione? I wouldn’t that’s for sure! But all of this only work if the story is well written otherwise it feels like suicide to read it!

I awoke from my daydreaming when someone stumbled into me, I looked up to see a Blonde haired girl walking away. Was I completely invincible? What bothers me the most is the fact that I am obviously not good enough to apologize to. Because I get that it’s normal to bump into people, I do it all of the time but that doesn’t mean that I just walk away without apologizing for it! I might not be the happiest human alive but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have manners.

I shot a last glance at the girl before I returned to the books trying to find something I hadn’t already read, which is quite hard when everythings a mess and nothing is in order. But at least the books were placed in different sections that seemed been divided in  to what type of genre the book is. Even though it all was quite messy it still had every book that they are supposed to have. Which is everything from classics to horror books by Stephen King.    

I’ve always been a sucker for romantic classics like pride and prejudice and Wuthering heights just because their lives aren’t easy and the affection is showed mostly through words which shows us you really don’t need all of the sentimental crap as I like to call it. Because why bother when it’s going to end anyways, well back to the books you really don’t need to hear my pessimistic view on love.

As I said a bit earlier there’s literally books everywhere much to my joy as you already know. It’s really filled up and right now it doesn’t make it easier to find a book. I felt a tap on my shoulder that caused me to jump high in the air. I am easily scared sue me.

“ Hey, have you found a book?”

“  Well… no it’s so messy!” I truthfully told her.

“  What are you looking for?” she asked, trying to help me.

“ Anything really.” I told her, trying to form a smile to show her my gratitude but it turned into frown instead but I tried and that’s got to be worth something!  

I let my fingers slowly slide over the books starting the silly game I’ve played ever since I started reading. It’s quite simple really all you have to do is close your eyes and then let your finger slide against the books and just stop whenever you want and the one you’re at when you open your eyes, you buy. So that’s what I did, My finger fumbled over the hardcover books and soon enough I stopped at a fragile and partly broken book.

I took it up so that I could read what it was about but nothing was written there so I was about to break my tradition and put it back down but instead I opened it and saw that a title was messily written inside of it. Have a little faith  by Nathan Emerson, I read out loud to no one in particular. I closed it when I saw my aunt coming towards me. She looked happy even though her sadness was evident in her eyes.

“ Do you want it?” She asked me

“ Yes please!” I told her and for some reason nodded my head.

I glanced up at her as I handed over my book and was about to turn it down again when it felt like someone was watching me yeah I know that it sounds crazy but instead of questioning my sanity I turned around to see a boy standing in the corner almost if he was invincible. His gaze was somehow warm and it made me want to go over there and talk to him which is so strange because I can barely stand guys after all that has happened.  I looked  at him and he still hadn’t turned away and I turned around to see if he was looking at someone behind me but there was nobody there so I turned around again and his lips was now formed into a small smile and I was just about to smile back until I realised what I was doing. So instead I turned my head down so that my red hair covered my now as equally red face.

“ Shall we go Sammy?” My aunt asked awakening me from my state of embarrassment.

“ Of course!” I said and began walking away but I couldn’t stop myself from looking back at the curly brown haired boy.

The feelings he had awoken scared me more than any horror movie has ever done and almost more that Kevin had done. But still I was drawn to him like I’ve never been to anyone and that scared the living hell out of me.

With confusion spreading through  my veins I left the bookshop before I would do something really stupid as I looked back into the window and saw his mesmerizing face for probably the last time.