Scarred

I Won't Give Up

Chapter 13 I won’t give up  

Nathan’s POV

As I laid down  beside my sleeping  Sammy all  I could think of was how lucky I am to even have found her since I’ve seen so many people grow old without anyone but a cat for company. The thought of being alone scares the living hell out of me which sounds stupid since I am a ghost and therefore I really should be used to it but that doesn’t make it suck any less.

I don’t think that I ever been as happy as I am now and to think that I could be someones hero and not just someones. I’m her hero and that have made me the luckiest man alive because just as I’m her hero she’s mine and I don’t think that I ever could feel again if it wasn’t for her. I would still be that empty shell of nothing,significant to no one and as invincible as a atom.

She’s the only one who has seen me literally and metaphorically, just because you have the ability of seeing doesn't mean that you understand what you’re seeing. Sam is the only one who actually understands me and all of the dorky comments and it sometimes makes me realize that it doesn’t matter if I died because being with her is worth it a 100 times over. Sure I hate that I lost my family but when you feel that pull, that string that guides you back. That person that suddenly gives your life a meaning and something to live for then at that moment it’s somehow worth it.

Even though I haven’t aged a day since my death it still feels as if I’m grown older and become a bit wiser. I guess that at some point we all start to look outside of our own bubble and realize there’s so much more to it than your own perspective. We humans have a way of looking at things and only consider what we think about it. We simply are very narrow minded and that’s one of our biggest flaws. Just because we don’t know what something is doesn’t make it wrong. It’s kinda like when I was young everyone were completely against people who were gay because they didn’t have any knowledge in the subject so automatically it was wrong. I was always very curious to why people was against it it’s not like it’s any difference because at the end of the day it’s still the same love. As I’ve probably said before humans are truly very self centered, the only thing that matters is that you, yourself have good life even though there’s so many that doesn’t have the same rights it’s sickening to be apart of it at times.

As I reflected over all these things I felt Sam stirring next to me before she snuggled up to my side and just at this point I really cherish being human because all these feelings can take me to the moon and back without a rocket.

I snaked arm under her sleeping body and pulled her even closer to me. Her warmth spreading to my body making me think how egotistic I’m being with her… She deserves so much more than I can offer but I can’t walk away because I need her as much as a fish needs water so I’ll stick around till she no longer wants or need me. I don’t even know if I could live without her now that I’ve met her. The worst part of this mess is that we both know that our future is non existent because of me. It’s not like I can have dinner with her, meet her family and I will never be able to to stand before her watching her walk down the aisle due to me being very much unliving.

Even though I died as a 18 year old I have somehow matured during the course of the past decades and since I’m invincible and all, I’ve seen about everything from joy to horror in its darkest form but when I looked into her eyes for the first time I knew that it didn’t matter where you’ve been in life, how much you’ve been hurt or how many times you’ve been broken because as cliche as it sounds someone is going to need you and somebody that might be a stranger today might be the one who will save you tomorrow. Everyone wants love even the most cynical human beings out there because that my friend is what’s holding us up when we’re drowning, hope in it’s simplest form because love in its foundation is just that,hope. That’s what it’s all built on. One thing that holds up the whole world because without it we all would be long gone!

I don’t know Sammy’s full story. I don’t know her biggest fears, I don’t how harsh life has been to her but I know what I feel about her and I know she’s been at the lowest of low and that she drifts back there from time to time. I’ve seen her eyes turn black in the resemblance of hate and her eyes have teared in pain, and worst of all I’ve seen her eyes widen in horror as she’s reflecting and turning back the time as if trying to find a reason to why but there’s never one and I can see that as her beautiful face turn into a cold mask of indifference as if it didn’t matter that she’s hurt and  gone beyond the breaking point.

At times it feels like some progress has been made and she starts to open up but when she does that she always closes before I get too close to her secrets and her heart. Her walls are higher than the freaking eiffel tower and unfortunately that can only mean one thing she’s been broken more than humanly possible. So naturally she has a shell and a wall protecting her and if I was in her shoes I’d be doing the same but I would never be able to be as strong as she is because she truly is.  

I want to assure her in some kind of way that I’m staying, that I want her, that I want her love. I know I have a lot to learn but she’s worth it in every possible way because she’s my colorful sunrise that woke me up from a black and white life. She gave me a reason of existing made me realize that there’s so much more to life than cheesy lines like these.

It doesn't matter if life is rough sometimes because even though people say that they want a easy life without drama because that wouldn’t make them want it in the end because without struggle we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good things life that seem to come around very rarely but there still there giving us hope for the future.

I know Sam isn’t far from giving up on life even though she have people around her that loves her. I can see it everytime I look into her eyes it’s like slowly a piece is dying for every turn that life throws at her and she’s only human and now she’s drifting further and further away from me and I don’t know how to help her, how to make her see that I care, oh damn it I don’t just care for her, I love her with every vibrating fiber and I can’t afford to lose her like I’ve lost every single person that I’ve loved. I just can’t take the pain that’s so evident and that her eyes is losing theirs glow and I most definitely can’t stand the thought of losing her to the nothing that seems to be present around her all of the time.

I need to find a way to make her stay so that I can show her how much I love her because I love her more than life itself and that has to say something doesn’t it?

All of the thoughts that kept messing around in my mind was abruptly stopped when I felt her soft hand slowly making its way to my chest making me smile of the thought of having her so close.

“Are you asleep” I heard her whisper against my side.

“No, but you should be.” I whispered back to her and I could feel her lips slowly curved into half a smile.

“ Well it’s not easy to sleep when it smell like burnt toast, are you thinking again Nathan?” I heard ask me in a very serious tone. Before she cracked up and started laughing like a lunatic and

the only thing I could do was to laugh along with her.

“  Haha very funny Sam” I said with a grin still evident on my lips.

“ I know, I should totally become a comedian, don’t you think?” She told me with a smile still welded onto her lips.

“ Absolutely and I’ll be your number 1 fan” I told her dead serious.

“Good because I’ll need one” She whispered out as serious as me but I don’t think she just meant it in this scenario.

This was all I needed to feel content, it’s enough just to have her by my side.

Slowly she cuddled up against me even more and I looked down at her face that showed me no trace of hesitation as she slowly lifted up her head to connect her lips to mine. The kiss was slow but it grew to more when she suddenly drew her tongue against my lips and it turned out in much more passionate kiss that easily could take up in space around the earth and back and at this moment I knew that I don’t want to be the guy that walks out when it gets hard. So I told her what I should have told her ages ago.

“ I won’t give up on you or on us!”  Because even if gets rough I am going to give her all my love and it’s as simple as that.

“ Thank you!” She mumbled before she fell asleep one again.