Indestructible: Reinforced

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

     September 2012

     Present Day

     “Well?” Josh asked me expectantly. Again. I’d been silent for a few minutes now, and I knew it was causing him some discomfort.

     I cleared my throat and fidgeted. Well, his question had caused me some discomfort as well. “Wow.”

     He glared at me and I froze. Josh glaring wasn’t good. It was never good. He rarely got mad. “Wow? That’s all you have to say? Wow?”

     I had the courage to glare back at him. “Well, it’s a very unnerving question. It wowed me.”

     “We’ve been dating for three years!” He exclaimed. “If that wasn’t enough time for you to prepare yourself for this moment, then how long is the appropriate time?”

     “I’m nineteen, Josh!” I ran my fingers through my hair exasperatedly. “Nobody’s prepared for this question when they’re nineteen!”

     “Well, I asked.” His blue eyes flashed. “So deal with it and give me an answer.”

     “It’s not that easy.” I tried to choose my words carefully. Josh rarely got hurt or angry, but when he did it wasn’t nice. And I still didn’t know how to maneuver him when he was like that. “I mean, there’s a lot to think about it.”

     “What?” He asked sarcastically but he was still angry. “Do you have commitment issues? Do you not love me? What’s there to think about?”

     “Yes, I love you, Josh. But that’s not the point.” I waved my hand dismissively. “You’re asking me for something huge here. And I’m about to start college. I need time to think about this.”

     “Jesus!” He ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly. I looked around me, people were watching us. He was a bit too loud for a place like this. But they weren’t going to throw us out. They knew who Josh Anderson was. “You are so frustrating, Gabrielle.”

     “And you’re too overwhelming, Joshua!”

     We lapsed into an extremely awkward silence. It stretched on for a bit. I sipped on my water and he played with his keychain. People eventually stopped watching us and went back to eating and talking. It was quite horrible for me.

     I couldn’t believe that Josh had actually asked me to marry him. Was he crazy? Were we in the fifteen-hundreds again or something? No one got married at nineteen! Unless they were pregnant. Which I wasn’t.

     I leaned back in my seat and cupped my forehead. I’d gone out with him thinking we were going to have a nice dinner and I was going to be stressed out because the restaurant was posh. And now I was stressed out because of that and because my boyfriend of three years had asked me to marry him.

     Plus, Avy was due any day now. That was already stressing me out.

     I could not deal with Josh right now. I didn’t have the energy, or the clear head, to think about this and deal with it with finesse. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, didn’t want to turn him down. I needed him to be convinced. I didn’t want there to be any tension between us. Stuff like that wrecked couples and I couldn’t risk losing him. I couldn’t lose him. He was Josh. He was my hot, intense, cute, funny, honest, amazing, perfect Josh. I wasn’t going to lose him.

     He was the first boy I’d sung a Taylor Swift song to, for God’s sake! If I broke up with him, a lot of things and places and songs would be ruined for me. And no other guy would be enough. He’d ruined all the other guys for me. He was it. He was my forever.

     I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to start my forever right now. I was about to become a freshman in college, for God’s sake!

     I looked over at Josh. He was watching me intently with a confused and somewhat pained look in his eyes. I reached over and curled my fingers around his fisted hand. His fingers loosened and he linked them to mine. I smiled across the table at him and he gave me his Gaby-smile.

     Yes, he had a special smile just for me.

     I smiled back at him and squeezed his hand. “I love you. You know that, right?”

     He nodded and sighed. “I just wish you wouldn’t drive me crazy like that every time I asked you a simple question.”

     I frowned. “This is anything but simple.”

     “It’s simple enough.” He said matter-of-factly and shrugged. “For me atleast. Because you’re it for me and I love you. It’s quite simple, Gaby.”

     I pulled my hand back and ran my fingers through my hair. “Let me think about it.”

     “This isn’t a freaking business offer!”

     I looked around us again and yes, everyone was back to watching the show. Great. And ofcourse I couldn’t tell him to lower his voice, he didn’t like it when I hinted that he was embarrassing me in public. “I know it isn’t. Look, I can’t talk to you now when you’re angry and wound up. Can we just have dinner and talk about this later?” I smiled reassuringly at him. “Please?”

     “Don’t placate me.” He snapped. “Don’t treat me like I’m some sort of child! I did not spend the past few weeks planning this and dreaming about this moment only to have you ruin it for me by pulling a Gaby on me and being all hesitant and shit. I need an answer!”

     God, he was going to be so goddamn difficult. “Josh.” I tried again. “Please, you’re not in a good mood. Can we please discuss this later?”

     He sighed and leaned back in his seat. “Fine, let’s have our freaking dinner!”

     I suppressed a sigh of relief and sipped on my water again. He was always like that when he wanted to do something and I was feeling hesitant. He didn’t understand why I was like that, didn’t understand why I was that much guarded.

     Okay, no, he did. He understood. But sometimes he wanted something so much he refused to see it. I couldn’t blame him, he had good intentions, and he just wanted to be fully with me. But I couldn’t help but feel guarded. I loved him, but I knew that things like that ended all the time. It terrified me.

     Sitting there watching him scowl and fidget, I remembered the first time he asked me a question that had made me hesitate.