(NATALIE)
"DA FUCK YOU WILL DEVONTYE!" I scream at the phone.
My breath relaxes as it finally squeezes out.
"Ah!"
Plop.
"I do the best shits man!" I exclaim to myself.
"Hey Naomi?! How's the crack going" I listen out for her reply but nothing comes. "Crack-head" I mutter.
So you probably originally know us as Katie and Harriet. Well say "Bye Felicia!" To those stank ass names because it is 2016!
A New Year! A New US!
Well that's because we just happened to kill Paddy, Mum, Cameron, Harry and Matthew. We needed to, it was our only choice.
So Naomi (Harriet), Watermelon (we don't need to change this bitches name, she is dumb as hell to know what the fuck is shitting down), Miley and I took the lead. We went on the run.
Living the crack, shit, chicken flapping, twerking life. We are able to start again. We don't have flax bush hearts. We are completely.
Utterly.
Condensed.
Milk.
Onion soup.
Onion dip.
Normal.
"Mmm smells good" I say as I pass the passed out Naomi on the floor. Bitch had too much crack in her ass.
Hah, get it?
I open the trusty fridge to watermelon screaming. Screaming bloody murder.
Or is it blue murder?
Or green?
No maybe red since it relates with blood?
"What happened?" I slur.
"MILEY GAVE ME A FUCKING TWERK AND VOMIT."
I shrug and slam the door shut.
I see Miley bounce on in and she seems shorter than usual. Her head just gets to my crotch.
"I see you've found new legs Miley?" I say as I watch on in awe of her using her flabby ass cheeks to bounce around like a moon hopper.
I decide it's time to wake up Naomi.
I walk over subtlety and quietly, making sure I aim correctly.
Boom. I kicked her in the pussy.
"What a delightful awakening!" She exclaims.
I snort.
Cocaine.
And walk back to the fridge, I still her a muffled screaming which gets un-muffled when I open the fridge.
I stand there for a 3 seconds.
3
2
1
And slam it shut again.
Beautiful!
Right it's time to blast.
I open the fridge again and lick the vomit off of the watermelon.
"Better?"
"Better?" Sighs the watermelon.
"Yeah you're not you when you're hungry."
"Miles, babe lets go. Now."
I collect up the squad and we roll on town the street in my monster truck.
We blast out our favourite tune.
BBXGRCXNDKWVSYKDB BY SHSISBSGSIVSJSBSHXISBSHAUAOSJDVFVIZBDDVZIDBDVDUFJDVSHSKQOMSVZDHDIBEOAOSNDSBSISJBDDHIDJEDVSUWHFWUSXHVDVJSHEVDIDBDGSSIAOABSGSOAPBsgssisjavuzjavsuHdbhdSHUSGSSHAOSHDHOWHDHSIWOALAHAFSUVEUDIDHDIDHDHOAKWVAIQODBIDJDVSIDJEVSIDJEVGZUEJVEHWIOAJABSHXUBRISODJDUWIOAJASVIDOWJWFYUSOWBGSIFNFPPAIYAVEDUBDZIBDIXBDKXNDHSHSISBSHDHDUHDIDVFJDKOSOAKAGDHEOWOSHGDDVDJFJFVVDKBDBKFBBFJ.
Beautiful.
It's a calm drive down the Vegas road.
