Slices

Prelude

We all fantasize about things that may never happen. I'm one person among millions that fantasizes about love. Someone you can't muster up the courage to talk to, but silently long for. Or, worse, you miss a perfect chance at becoming their friend because you say something stupid or back out of something that would've helped you so much. Or, your boyfriend finds you cheating on him the day he decided to propose to you and your heart is crushed with guilt and pain, along with all his hopes and dreams... and you see him everyday.... through the 6th story window of your modeling agency's building... and you cry yourself to sleep because you loved him and you're stupid and ignorant and undeserving. And whenever you catch his eyes, you see a pain in them that you only ever saw when he spoke about his dead grandma, just like you're dead to him. But you know that the relationship will never mend itself, because what you did can't be forgiven. YOU TRY TO MEND IT. YOU APOLOGIZED FOR A YEAR AND A HALF. YOU WROTE LETTERS AND SENT CHOCOLATES AND CALLED HIM, SOBBING. YOU APPROACHED HIM DAY AFTER DAY WITH THE INTENT OF SAYING EVERYTHING YOU'D FELT THIS PAST YEAR AND A HALF... but then he'd grab a pretty blonde girl's hand and kiss her the way he kissed you, and hug her the way he hugged you... and call her 'dude', like he called you so many times. And you. You'd crumple up the apology note and throw it away; Then you'd turn around, stuff your hands in your pockets, and walk back to an empty house with a big, lonely bed, ripped up love letters that he dropped on your doorstep one day because he said "here, you can have them back", and handed you a lighter so you could burn them. Then, you'd lie down in bed and stare at the ceiling, wishing you could turn back time. Because... for Gods sake, you wanted to marry that man.

Sometimes... you wonder... does he still want to marry you?