You're The One That's Changed (2nd book in the Letter's From The Shadow World)

Cry Like a Baby

I stand up and pull Clary to her feet as she slowly looks around. Her eyes sweep around the library before landing on my eyes. She just stared at me as if I was the worst and best thing she had ever had in her life and, I guess I was. That's when I noticed her chest heaving up and down heavily, her fingers curled tightly in to her free hand, and the fine sheen of sweat forming on her face. Her eyes were scared and desperate, like an animal's who had been backed in to a corner. She may have been one of the most feared and deadliest shadowhunters of our generation, but nothing would hold back the wave of panic that was filling her eyes.
I move towards her and she just backs up. I back her in to a table and pin her with my arms. I wrap my arms around her and she buries her face in my chest. Maybe we were fixed, but she wasn't. I had completely destroyed her. There was no other way to describe it. I had caused her so much hurt. She would probably never be better, and maybe she would break down every now and then. And she would just need someone to hold her in his arms and say that it was okay.
"I'm here, Clary. I'm here." I say holding her tightly in my arms.
She wraps her arms around my waist and I say, "Calm down, baby. You're safe."
She nods against my chest and mumbles, "I need Izzy."
I nod and look over and see an anxious Isabelle watching over us. I nod her over with my head and say, "Iz, come here."
She hurries over and takes Clary from me immediately. I step away as I let Clary's parabatai do her job. I walk over and sit down and wait for Clary to need me. After awhile the others left and it was just Clary, Isabelle, and I. I heard Clary mumble something and Isabelle nodded then looked over to me and said, "She wants to go lay down."
I nod and stand up. I walk over to them and easily scoop Clary up in my arms. She nuzzles her head in to my chest and I ask, "Where to, baby girl?"
She sighs and says, "Your room."
I nod and say with a smile, "Anything for you, darling."
Isabelle and I take her up to my room and Isabelle opens the door for me. I carry her inside and lay her down on the bed. Isabelle hugs her goodnight and then leaves, headed to her and Simon's bedroom. I strip out of my clothes and head to the shower.
When I get out and get dressed I walk back out to see Clary lying in bed still awake, and staring up at the ceiling. I sigh to myself and sit down beside her. I brush my thumb over her cheek and ask, "What can I do, Clary?"
"Just lay down with me and hold me in your arms. Make sure I know that you're really mine." She says reaching for my hand.
I slide down so that I'm laying beside her and pull her in to my chest as I wrap my arms tightly around her small body. She sighs in contempt after awhile and let's her eyes slip closed. Once I'm sure she's asleep I cry. I cry like a damn baby. How could I have aloud myself to hurt her so badly, that even after over two years apart she was still walking on egg shells in her daily life.
After a few minutes of me sobbing my eyes out I feel her small, soft hand link around my arm and hug herself to my body. Then, she whispers quietly, "I... I love you."
Just as the tears had started to slow I start crying even harder. I bury my tear stained face in her neck as I say, "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this. How can you still love me? I've hurt you so badly. How..."
"Shhh, Jace. I've never stopped loving you. Please don't cry, baby." She says sweetly, reaching up and swiping away the tears running down my face.
I wipe my nose and say, "Don't ever think that I don't love you, because I'm going to love you until the day I die. Then, I'm going to love you after that. I love you."
With that I snuggle in to her and wrap my body around hers before falling asleep with my head on her chest...