Chapter 20 - Feeling ashamed

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*** Jen’s P.O.V ***

“Jen! Come on! It’s out last day together before I have to leave for our road trip,” Tuukka whined shaking me awake.

“Alright! Fine! I’m up. It’s my day off you’d think I’d get to sleep in but NO,” My voice dripped with sarcasm as I sat up in the bed.  

“I’m sorry,” He apologized plopping down next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Have you gained weight Jen,” He asked nuzzling his face into my neck.

“Yeah! I’ve been eating doughnuts and fast food nearly every day because I have been on the run lately with work,” I replied taking a deep breath while closing my eyes.

“Oh well it doesn’t matter you’ll always be beautiful no matter what Jen,” He whispered into my ear biting my right shoulder.

“Why thank you,” I thanked pulling out of his grip. I stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. My feet felt the coldness of the tile which made me jump.

“Hey where you going,” Tuukka called from my bed where he was sitting with a pout on his face.

“I’m doing something called getting ready! Remember I’m hanging out with you, Marchand, Looch, Krug, and Hamilton,” I informed looking at him.

“Why does Marchand have to be there,” He asked looking at me as I cleaned my face.

“Tuukka get over it! It’s been like 6 months! I mean hell if I can forgive him I’m sure you can,” I reasoned while walking over to my closet. I grabbed my Donald Driver Tee Shirt, Jeans, Bra and Underwear. I turned my back to Tuukka to quickly strip down and start putting on my new clothes.

“Awe! Come on! Why do you have to get dressed,” Tuukka asked sadly as I finished changing.

“Why are you so whiney today,” I asked coming up to him with a pouty face on, mimicking him.

“I want you all to myself! I’m gonna miss you so much,” He stated looking straight into my eyes and started leaning in.    

Our lips met, making me slightly smile. Tuukka grabbed ahold of my waist and pulled me down on top of him which made me moan as he deepened the kiss. His hands started trailing up and down my back until he found the hem of my Donald Driver shirt. I quickly pulled away as shivers ran up and down my spine.

“I-I’m sorry I’m n-not ready,” I told Tuukka as I rested my hands on his chest while making eye contact.

I could see disappointment, upset-ness, and yes horney-ness all from just looking in his eyes. I couldn’t help but feel bad about it because he’s been loyal to me for like 6 months now and I’m just not ready to  do the dirty yet.

“It’s fine Jen. I-I understand,” He replied looking up at me.

Once I rolled off of him I finished getting ready. I was beyond upset with myself because I wasn’t ready to do the dirty with Tuukka yet. As I was putting on a necklace I looked down, disappointed in myself. My eyes had started to feel watery and before I knew it I was crying. I didn’t want to lose Tuukka due to my lack of wanting to have sex.

“Jen! What’s wrong,” Tuukka said as he rubbed the back of my shoulders.

“I-I’m just sorry I-I can’t give you what you want,” I cried and rubbed my eyes.

Tuukka then forcefully turned me around and held my jaw so I was looking up at him, “Jen It doesn’t matter what you can give me and what you can’t. You’ve given me a lot so far, that’s why I love you,” He informed me while he looked into my eyes.

My eyes and mouth slightly opened as I let what he had just said sink into my thick skull.

What did you think??? Comment/vote/ follow :) - JJ  

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