Where Do I Go (boyxboy)

I want to be with you.

It's been four weeks since she's left us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Esme! My beautiful little sister is gone and never coming back. I miss her so much and everything reminds me of her.

The color green which was her favorite. The smell of lilac in the air which she smelled like. The plush rabbit on my bedside. EVERYTHING!

Why did she have to go? She was only 13. Why did God have to take my sister... My bestfriend? Everytime I hear her name, see her picture, or even think about her I break into a storm of tears. I don't know how much longer I can take this.  

I'm trying to ease the pain as much as possible. I know I promised Esme I wouldn't pick up another razor, but it's so damn hard. I don't know what to do anymore.

My fath- Randall fled the night we took her to the hospital. When we came back all of his stuff was gone. Clothes and all. We haven't heard from him since then. He completely blocked out the whole family. Erased our names from the bank accounts, cut off our phones, turned off the electricity. Left us alone in the dark... Well Atleast he tried to. What he didn't know was mom had another account with A LOT of money in it. She said it was for emergencies only.

That was pretty much the only good thing that has happened so far. My whole fucking world is turned upside down. My mother has been in her room the whole time, only comes out to make dinner and that's like once a week. We usually just order pizza. Well they do... I barely eat anything. If I try it just comes back up.

Drake left to England a few days after the funeral. I have heard from him either. The last thing he said to me was. "I love you Angel. And I'm going to come back for you soon, just let me get settled down there." Then he gave me the biggest loving hug possible and that was it.

Nevaeh is the only one who has kept some kind of composure. She's trying to stay strong for us all. Throughout the day she cooks and cleans. Does her schoolwork. Then tries to get me to do mine. I havent been in school so Nevaeh goes and she gets my work for me.

i haven't even spoken a word since the funeral. I just can't. It's like my whole mind is numb. I barely move. The only time i get up is to use the restroom and I'm back on the couch or my bed watching tv. Mostly Esme's favorite show, Spongebob. I never knew what she seen in this show, but I know what I see... My baby sister.

At night, my house is at its worst. I can hear it from my right and my left. My mom sobbing in her room. And Nevaeh crying in hers. The pain from their tears seem to rub out on me because I began to cry too. Even worse than them two. Esme and I were the closest of everyone in the house. I miss her so much.

As for Brock... I haven't heard from him since the funeral either. He's tried texting and calling but I don't answer. I just let it go to voicemail. I know he's probably pissed at me, but he'll understand.

Today Nevaeh came into my room again. This time she didn't have my schoolwork. "Hey how are you feeling today?"

I wanted to answer her. I really did but, nothing would come out.... Nothing but a rush of tears.

Nevaeh rushed to me and wrapped me in her arms and laid my head in her lap. "I know, I know," she cooed. "I miss her too."

"She's... Gone," I tried to say, but I think it came out "she... Go."

"It'll be okay," she cried. "Our little sister is in a better place now. Now she doesn't have to deal with the earth and it's problems. She's moved on too a place where she can watch over us all and protect us."

Oh that did it! I broke down even more. Tears were falling without resistance.

"If she was here. She would tell you what I'm telling you now. Get out of this room. Go take a shower, and go talk to Brock. He misses you much. He's been here everyday since the funeral and I keep sending him away so you could get yourself together. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not telling you to get over it, but to do what Esme would tell you too. Brock says he needs to talk to you and you need to talk to him, so come on and clean yourself up."