TBS Imagines

Sorry/Not Sorry (Thomas)💜

"I wasn't that late!"

"You were an hour late! How is that not that late?"

"You know how busy I am!"

"I MAKE TIME IN MY SCHEDULE! Why can't you make ANY TIME IN YOURS?!"

"IM TRYING, OK?!"

"APPARENTLY NOT HARD ENOUGH!"

"What do you want from me?"

We'd been arguing for nearly an hour now. Back and forth, always aggressive and loud and angry. I'd begin crying, his voice was cracking as it went hoarse. Round and round we went, hands curling into fists as they flew through the air- we were both animated speakers. We were also both angry. Very angry. It wasn't even the things that had started this whole thing that we were mad at before. After breaking into several similar fights, tensions were high and at this point, we were just telling to yell.

"DAMN IT THOMAS I WANT-" I grabbed my sides by wrapping my arms around my chest. I couldn't breathe. I HATED arguing, yelling. I hated to see him upset. I hated feeling this way. It made it hard to speak. Hard to think. Hard to function.

He runs a hand through his hair for the millionth time that night. If it was any other situation, I would admire how fluffy and messy it looks. Right now, I haven't noticed. "This shouldn't be so hard!" Thomas adds after I pause. "We were fine! Until you had to-"

I snapped my head to him and he stopped talking. That second, he realized he'd fucked up. "Until I?" I said carefully. My anger had almost dropped again, giving way to anguish and what was really hurting me- how much I missed him. I almost found the words, almost grasped sense again. But no. In his moment of frustration he had tried to blame the whole thing on me and that action alone wiped away any chance of sense coming from me as I spoke again. "I messed us up? I started shit? What exactly did I do?" I stepped closer to him with each enunciated word, eyes dangerous and jaw locked and voice low. The calm before the storm.

He stuttered for a second and tried to back petal but it was too late. My heart smashed in my chest and I know what I had to do next.
"It's just, ever since you started at that stupid radio station thing it's like you're gone when I'm here and-"

I scoffed, cutting him off. "How many years have we been together?" I asked him dangerously.

He had a look on his face that this new calm, functional tone was worse than me yelling at him. "Five," he said slowly.

"Five years." I took a step for every word. "Five years we've been together. Five years I sacrificed my life so we could have a steady relationship. Five FUCKING YEARS THOMAS!" He flinched, but nothing could calm me or pull pity from me now. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR GETTING MY DREAM JOB AND DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!" My voice was rising again but he had been knocked down a peg and he was suddenly dead quiet. "I don't ask you to give up acting to be with me more." My voice cracked at the last word and Thomas looked so broken, seeing me cry, and knowing he had caused it, that I couldn't look at him anymore. Something in me snapped and I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it. I sunk to the floor and sobbed.

I heard muffling on the other side and realized Thomas was on his knees, leaning his forehead on the door. The anger was gone. The arguing and the pushing at each other- all that meaningless anger that wasn't really anger as much as it was longing. Whistfulness. Us lashing out because we missed each other but everything seemed to be against us being together like we used to be. When we both finally recognized what was really wrong... in the cracks of my voice, the words he used to describe his dislike of my new job.

In all our arguing only now were we actually hearing what the other was saying: Come back to me.

But that meant that we had to realize we weren't in the same place anymore. We weren't as strong, as solidified, as constant. We were broken, separated- scattered. I looked in his eyes and I saw fear and pain. We had lost time together. Conversation. Inside jokes. Meals. Cuddles. Kisses. What if we had lost the love altogether? The thought was too unbearable.