For As Long As I Exist

chapter 21

3 days have passed and all Katie did was lay in bed. she watched a lot of tv and read a lot of books. Carlisle came to visit her everyday and see how she was doing.

he told her she looked great everyday , but in his mind, he knew she was getting worse every day.
she never smiles like she used to , and the sparkle in her eyes are gone. she refuses to get up and try to walk every time Carlisle asks her to, and he's becoming worried that she's depressed.

Carlisle's previous patients who was diagnosed with depression, act the same as Katie is now.

it was a Saturday afternoon when Carlisle came for his daily visit.

"hello love, how are you feeling today?" he said as he walked into the room.

"fine." she replied, looking out the window.

Carlisle sighed as he sat some fresh flowers on her desk. he walked over towards Katie and took a seat next to her.

"wanna try to walk today? I can help?" he asked her, motioning for her to stand up.

Katie instantly shook her head no.

"come on Katie, you need to walk sometime or you'll never get better" he insisted on her at least trying.

again, Katie shook her head no quickly.
Carlisle sighed again. he stayed for a while longer , and then decided he should head home for awhile to give Katie space.

he gave her a kiss on the forehead and left without saying a word. Katie continued sitting there, staring off into space. she looked down at her leg as a tear fell from her face.

she slowly put her working leg on the ground and helped herself put the other one on the ground. all she needed to do was take one step and that'd be an achievement, but she doesn't even know if she'll be able to do just that.
she reached her hand up to grab onto her desk to help herself stand up. she slowly got up from the bed and stood there for a few minutes.

she lifted her working leg and took one step. then she attempted to move the other foot and began to slip. her hand released from the desk and she tried to grab onto something else but it was no use. she started to fall, and finally hit the ground.
she laid there on the ground and stared at the ceiling as tears rolled down her face.

Charlie ran into the room with the most worried expression on his face.

"Katie?! are you ok???" he ran over to her.

Katie didn't say a word. she just continued to lay on the ground, silently crying. Charlie sighed and grabbed his phone. he dialed a number and then placed the phone to his ear.

"yes, Carlisle ? you need to come over .. I have no idea what's wrong with Katie and I need your help." Charlie spoke.

he listened for another minute and then hung up.
••
Carlisle was over quicker than a bolt of lightening. he walked quickly into the room and took one look at Katie.
she continued to cry and didn't even take a glance at Carlisle.

"Katie? are you alright? do you need me to help you up?" Carlisle spoke softly as he walked over and touched katies arm.

the minute his hand came in contact with her arm, her face jerked towards Carlisle's.

"hey hey, it's okay, just relax" Carlisle said trying to calm her down.

"no no no, Carlisle, no stop. please leave me alone" Katie started to breathe heavily.

Carlisle pulled his hand away.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help" Carlisle stepped back a few steps.

"Carlisle you're ALWAYS trying to help!" Katie looked into Carlisle's eyes "you don't realize I can do things on my own! before I met you, I was stronger than I am now! I'm capable of doing things on my own without you."

"Katie I--" he started to say but Katie interrupted him.

"just stop! you couldn't have left me alone could you? I went to the hospital because I had a bump on my head and I thought you were a cute Doctor. and then you had to act like you hated me so I asked you why! then you had the nerve to ask me out on a date" she continued to yell

"you didn't have to say yes Katie. " he said under his breath but it was still understandable.

"what was I supposed to say? I can't just tell you no Carlisle. do you know how impolite that is? why couldn't you have just pushed me away and continued to hate me? at least I wouldn't be hurt. this is all your fault. I had dreams and you crushed them Carlisle." Katie was crying harder than she was before.

Carlisle just looked at her blankly.

"how am I supposed to be a veterinarian if I can't walk? how am I going to be a mother?" she looked back into his eyes.

"my love , walking or not.. you can still be a mother. and everyone knows you'll be a great one no matter what" he reached out his hand.

Katie slapped his hand away "I need to be able to walk to be a mom Carlisle. what would happen if you were gone and the kids were crying? I need to be able to walk to see them and care for them Carlisle. you just don't understand!" she yelled.

"Katie I can help you walk! if you would just let me" he exclaimed.

Katie didn't respond. she continued to cry and rubbed her face. she looked back at Carlisle finally.

"that's alright. I don't need your help because I'm going to make an appointment with Doctor Torres tomorrow." she said, a little calmed down.

"you mean like therapy sessions?" he questioned.

"no. I can't use my leg so what's the use of having one? I'm going to schedule an amputation on my leg." she looked down at her hurting leg.

Carlisle and Charlie gasped at the same time.

"I'm sorry what? no Katie, you are not going to do that" Carlisle rushed to say.

"I'm sorry but that's not for you to decide Carlisle" she snapped back at him.

"but it is for me to say. Kate I really don't think that is a good idea. you just need to keep trying" Charlie spoke up.

"no ! it's not for either of you to decide! I am twenty two years old and I can legally make my own decisions and in my opinion this is the best idea" Katie responded.

"Katie please don't" Carlisle whispered.

"Carlisle I think it's best if you leave." Katie looked over at him.

a silence grew in the room.

"very well then, I'll be back to check on you tomorrow" he slowly backed up.

"no" Katie said as Carlisle stopped "that's not what I meant. I think it's best if we stopped seeing each other. it's best for me , because I don't need myself getting hurt more and more each day, ruining my future.  ruining my life.        move on and go find another girl to love because I no longer love you Carlisle." a year streamed down her cheek.

"katie. I will never love another girl as much as I love you. Katie can we please talk about this. please.." Carlisle started to say as he placed his hand on his forehead, trying to calm down.

"please go. you're making this harder than it already is. Carlisle go. please! go!" she yelled as she cried harder and harder, repeating for him to go.

Carlisle sighed as he turned around once more and headed towards the door.

"I love you katelyn" he said once more. 

"I don't" she replied.