Short Stories

#4- The Audience

There is no picture for this part because I'm on a Chromebook. In fact, I'm on my school Chromebook. They can see everything I write. They can see every letter of every word of every sentence of every paragraph of every chapter of every book of every series of everything I type. Ever.

Okay so I'm about to tell you one hickery hoo hah of a tale. Heretofore consequent to a many a moon, there was a person. Whether this person was a chick or a dude bro, we will never know. It doesn't matter though, because either way this person loved corn. Like, a lot. They loved corn so so so much. But not can corn. That stuff has some nasty water parts in it sometimes. So it's like a only love corn on the cob relationship you feel? I feel. No I don't corn is mediocre at best. You know what else is mediocre? This god awful book. It's fine, it's fine, I'm fine whatever. Nevertheless, they liked corn a lot.

I will now be taking questions from the audience.

"Who wrote this fairytale and why?"

UH...that is a very good question. It's actually pretty funny because I actually wrote this. Next question please. Maybe from someone who just came to this book reading with no idea who wrote this because it's very obvious. Just look behind me. There's a giant sign with my name on it and the name of this book. How are you this stu-you know what hold on. What's you're name lady?

"...My name is Susan."

Okay well, Susan you are literally the most ignorant person I have ever met. You should be hanging your head in shame right now. Here, Mr. Light Guy? Shine the light on Susan here...thanks. For shame Susan. For shame. Next question please.

"I brought my children here. I thought this was a nice, kid friendly fairy tale. Not a circus for all of you adult folk with your raunchy gobs."

"Oh...I'm sorry. What did I say to upset you?"

"You said...you said 'hoo hah'."

"Hold on lemme look through my story script again. Love corn...dude bro...oh I see. Well I assure you, lady. I just put that in there because I say a lot of random things, and it rhymed kind of so..."

"Yes but that is highly inappropriate. I should sue you for not being clear on the subject of unclouded profanity."

"First of all, what's your name?"

"My name is Paula."

"Well, Paula, I think that you need to understand that this was just for comedic purposes only."

"Well there is no other way to think of it then."

Then think of it in a dirty way, Paula. Because it wasn't dirty before but it is now that you made it. So if anyone is inappropriate it's you. You dirty heathen. You need Jesus. Okay, next question.

So, I've just been told that we have no time left. Susan and Paula here have wasted all of mine and your time. If you pass them on the way out, just shake your head at them. Make them feel awful. Make them feel the shame. Thank you. Goodnight