Short Stories

My Other Short Stories 2

Enrique The Orange's Snapchat Story

Hello, my name is Enrique and you're watching Disney channel.

Just kidding, we don't get cable here. But, sometimes I get just enough of a signal to watch an episode of Teen Wolf on my smartphone. As I said before, my name is Enrique. You may not know this about me, but I am in fact an orange. I am not girl or boy. I am orange. Do you have Snapchat? I have Snapchat. Check me out at 111Enrique_Is_Super_Smexy_7978152346910113. My Snapchat stories are epic. Once I found my brother, Guadalupe the Avocado, hiding in Nick Jonas's tour bus. He got in a lot of trouble but it was a great Snapchat. Let me tell you about my latest Snapchat. I was on Tinder, cause I'm single, keep that in mind. My Instagram is Oh_EnriqueYouSoFine_YouSoFine_YouBlowMyMind_ check it out I have cool pictures of Guadalupe getting stuck in Nick Jonas's tour bus tire on there. Anyways, I was on Tinder swiping left only because all the people on there are like 37 and I only date 38 year olds. So I come across this girl and she's 37 and a half. I was like okay, too young but not by much. So I swiped right and we matched immediately. I was like, okay weird but whatever. She then chatted me saying, "Do you have a Youtube channel?" To which I responded, "Yes I do." Because I do. "Really?! Are you EnriqueIsTheFlyestFishOnTheMarktet?" She asked. "I am." I said. Because I am. "It's so cool to meet you. I love your videos. I'm Carol by the way." She replied. "Yeah whatever cool. What's your favorite video of me." I said. "Oh, well I really like the one where you and Guadalupe try the Kylie Jenner lip challenge." Carol said. "No no no. What's your favorite video of me only." I said back. "Well, I do like the one where you break into Taylor Swift's house. That was cool." Carol said. I calmed down after that. Finally, a girl with good taste. Until, "Guadalupe was definitely the funniest part of that video." Carol said. That was it. The last straw. I can't take Guadalupe anymore. He's always stealing my spotlight. I just...UGH. Then I put on my coolest black robber mask and sneaked out, in daylight, to Guadalupe's house. He lives on his own because he is an adult and has fourteen children. When I got there I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. He opened the door, "Enrique, what an amazing surprise." Guadalupe said. Of course it's an amazing surprise it's me for god's sake. Then I stabbed him four times and burned down his house. And that's the end of my room tour! Thanks for watching! Make sure to like, subscribe, and follow my Snapchat. And Instagram. And Hot or Not. And Tinder. And Twitter. And Christian Mingle. And Google Plus. And Wattpad. 

Frank Who Works In Farming

There, on the other side of the city. A rich and bountiful farmland where a man named Frank and his family live. Now, Frank is very shy and has a tendency to get nervous by large groups of people. Because of this, Frank spends little to no time with his family and has no friends. Sometimes he goes outside to feed the chickens, (he likes the chickens the best of all the animals) but mostly sits alone in his basement. That's right, Frank just sits in his basement in a small corner of the room. Rocking back and forth. Trying not to notify the family of his presence. His family is normally outside but sometimes Frank's wife will yell at him for being a dumb man-baby who doesn't love her anymore. Or his children will go and ask him to come play, but he doesn't want to play. He wants to sit alone in his basement. You may think that Frank is a total weirdo, and he is, but you don't know why he acts like this. No one knows. Only Frank. Only Frank knows enough to want to hide away from the others in case they recognize him. If they find him they will take him away. Who will feed the chickens? The chickens are the only thing that keeps Frank going.

He wasn't always a shy man-baby who doesn't speak to his family. Frank used to be the dancing queen. Young, sweet, and only 199 lbs. But now, now Frank can only think about what he has done. That and feeding chickens. Not dancing though, there is no time for dancing. Frank has not seen his family in a while. Frank knows what has happened. Frank wonders when the po po will arrive. Wee woo, Frank. Wee. Woo.

Frank has murdered his family.

Pedro That Got Fired From The Bed And Breakfast

Hey, Pedro. How goes it? "It is bad." What do you mean? What's wrong? "I was fired." Silly, Pedro, you don't have a job. "Yes I do." No you don't. You sneak into people's houses and commit terrible crimes. Which you somehow make a living out of even though you don't steal anything. "I was fired from my bed and breakfast." Pedro, if it's your, quote-on-quote, bed and breakfast then you can't get fired. Why are you nodding?! "Ur mum lololololol." Pedro...what does that even mean. "LOLOLOLOLOL" WHY ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT INSTEAD OF LAUGHING? So anywho, tell me please how you were fired. "Well, at first it was all fine and dandelion. Then I got this weird phone call from a number called 911." That's the police, Pedro! Are you getting arrested or something for, oh I don't know, breaking and entering? "Not sure. All they said was, 'Pedro Valenzuela Toyota Macaroni. You are getting arrested for, oh I don't know, breaking and entering.'" I JUST SAID THAT. "Yeah, but then I said, 'I don't think so. Ur done capri sun. Get rekt m8 420 blaze it' and then I slammed the phone down 360 no scope lolololol." I think you're being too heavily influenced by this here Americans culture. "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret" PEDRO STOP. Anywho-ha-ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang, are you getting incarcerated or not? "Oui." YOU ARE NOT FRENCH. "I just got fired that is all. Go back to your America." Pedro...we are in the America. "INCARCERATE INCARCERATE INCARCERATE INCARCERATE INCARCERATE."