The Anyway Clause

Fight or Flight

Scott

People think that when you're in a situation your instinct kicks in and you either stay and fight or you run. And your reaction is supposed to be a comment on who you are as a person. I think that assumption is crap, by the way. But there is the third reaction that catches you by surprise; freeze.

That is exactly what I did. I saw TJ looking far sexier than I remembered and I felt Jane and Hailey behind me but for the life of me I couldn't move. I was trapped under that blue gaze and it hit me so suddenly that I had missed him.

I hadn't seen him in a little over five years. I watched him squirm and I felt heat beside me which is how I knew Jane had seen him too. I felt my heart race in anticipation of her reaction. It had been three years since he'd turned his back on her for the second time; not including all those times in the two years after he moved out and was never there when she needed him.

Then Nan started talking and I tore my gaze away from TJ and I looked at Hailey who had come alive at the word "brother" and was looking back and forth between TJ and Jane. It was as if she was looking for some sort of blaring indication that she hadn't heard the wrong thing.

But when I looked down at Jane any sense of nostalgia and even amusement was gone from my being. The color had absolutely drained from her face and she was shaking. And I mean literally shaking like she was freezing or something.

The scene was all too real and brought back some pretty ugly memories. I tried to talk to her, to steady her and catch her if she collapsed in on herself in a full on panic attack but I could see her eyes glazing over with tears and so much pain it made my chest tighten and stomach knot.

Then she bolted and for a moment too long I froze. Hailey screamed her name when she stood in the doorway but Jane was too far gone in more ways than one.

I ran after Jane. I had gone for a jog earlier trying to shake off my fight with Cole and luckily I was still wearing shoes. But even in nothing more than socks I was no match for her.

She knew these grounds better than anyone and in her current state I couldn't fathom leaving her on her own. I ran all the time and by the time I reached the horse stalls Jane was long gone and I had no idea where to start looking.

I checked each stall but found nothing. I ran to the pond and then doubled back on a short cut path to her work shed but still nothing. I couldn't give up.

I paced every path I knew of and even nearly got lost a few times but she had practically vanished without a trace. I didn't realize I had been gone for four hours until I stumbled through the back door half expecting to find Jane pacing angrily in the kitchen.

Instead, TJ practically tore the wall down as he rushed around the corner all wide-eyed and nervous. I ran past him to Jane's room where I found Hailey pacing back and forth.

She looked at me with all this anger as if she expected me to be Jane coming through that door so she could rip into her. Her face fell and so did the last bit of hope I was clinging to.

When I ran back downstairs I found her keys still in the bowl by the door. She was still here somewhere. I just had to find her. Panic settled into my gut as the familiarity of the situation felt too real.

A month and a half had passed since Jane and Nan had moved into the estate but even in new surroundings she was still struggling in the aftermath of Momma E's death; there was no progress, no change.

I came to visit daily, practically moving in, to help care for her since she was limited with her arm still heavily bandaged from surgery. And there were the nightmares. She would barely talk to anyone other than Nan and myself.