Just Gerita Stuff

Dear Diary (angst)

WARNING: BOYXBOY MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH TRIGGER WARNING DON'T LIKE DON'T READ THANK YOU

Many times Ludwig sits awake at night, too afraid to fall asleep. Afraid he will dream of the war, all the people he lost, whether it be his soldiers or his people killed in the camps, it doesn't matter, they all hurt Ludwig the same. He gets flashbacks of war whenever he closes his eyes. He hears the bombs, the screams. He can smell the gas, the burning. He can see the blood, and the piled up bodies. It drives him insane to the point he's crying and screaming, contemplating whether he should live or not. But there's always a small light at the end of the tunnel. The smiling face and glowing eyes of that optimistic italian. Although he refuses to admit it, ludwig loves it when feliciano slips into his bed at night. Feliciano's warmth is the only thing that can help him sleep at night, or even ever. That was until Feliciano wasn't there to save him.

Dear Diary,

It's the 10th anniversary of Feliciano's death. I went to his grave today. I sat there and talked to him as always. I talked about life, how everyone is, how much i miss him. Romano is now fully taken over the country, this is what Feliciano would have wanted; a united italy. I dream about him a lot, the normal; what it was like to hold him, what it was like to kiss him, what it was like to make love to him. I'd be lying if I said I was fine. I still remember every moment of the day he died; the bombs, the screaming. I remember holding him in my arms and me telling him it was going to be alright. I promised him no harm would come his way. It's my fault. Everyone tells me not to blame myself, but who else is there to blame? England? I know he was the one who shot him, but I wasn't there to save him, despite my promises, I wasn't there. France? I know he was the mastermind behind the plan, but what was I supposed to do? Kill France? I should've, it just felt so wrong at the time. World War Three is now over. Russia is gone, the Baltics are gone, China is gone, America is gone, Most of Europe is gone. But, I wouldn't change anything. Except take back my Italy. Spain and Romano are happily married, I can't help but be envius. He gets his Italy, but i don't get mine. Why couldn't I have mine. I haven't slept in two weeks. Feliciano's clothes have all lost their smell. I have no other choice except stay awake. I have started seeing things... Sometimes I see him. Lying next to me in bed. Sometimes I hear his voice, singing me to sleep, or at least trying to. Sometimes he tries to touch me, but his hands are cold, there's no more warmth. All I crave is his warmth, to feel warmth of his hands one more time. Not even a kiss. I know it's so selfish of me, and I know it's horrible for my people. But, if I had one wish, I would not wish for the safety of my people, for world peace, for even my health. I would wish for him and I to be together, for just one more day. So, maybe I could say goodbye. But, I guess this is goodbye. I don't think I can live with myself anymore. I loved Feliciano way too much for him to leave me like this. I think it's my time to join him up wherever he is. I made my wish, and I guess I should make it come true. I know how selfish suicide is. I remember when Prussia did, I was so angry, what about what he stood for? The memories of so many people lived in him. He was selfish to me at the time, but now I'm in his shoes. When Canada died, he was so devastated, he couldn't handle it, so he shot himself in the head. Now that's all I want to do. Shoot myself. But, what always stops me is, What would Feliciano want? He would want me to live, be happy. But, I'm not happy. Everyday is a reminder of his death. Everyday I struggle to go outside. Sometimes Japan comes over, tries to get me to leave, and it just ends up with me crying again, for the millionth time that day. Japan told me he was sorry, that he wish he could help, but he can't. No one can help me. Everything I ever loved is... Gone. all of it. Gone. Now I can't help but wonder, is it really my time? Everyone has given up on me. No one comes to my house to check on me. England and spain are at war. Romano wrote a letter to me, saying he wishes he was nicer to me, for Feliciano's sake. I'd agree, but if Lovino was kind to me, he would have died in the war as well. I'm sorry, but this is goodbye. I'm going to the my last world meeting, and I'm doing it. I'm shooting myself. I love you, Feliciano. I'll see you soon

~Ludwig Beilschmidt

Later, at the world meeting, everyone was stunned to see Him again. That's what they all whispered. "It's him". Ludwig announced his death to what was left of the world, and left the meeting. He went to Feliciano's grave, and did exactly what he said. He shot himself, while lying on Feliciano's grave. No one was surprised of Ludwig's death. Finally, Ludwig was happy, in Feliciano's arms. Finally... Happy.