The Reality of Growing Up//Wattys 2k16

❃maeryn❃

published: 3.20.16

chapter 6: 

❃ maeryn❃

I was the world's best screw up.

Seriously. Where is my medal?

The first thing I did was get absolutely wasted at the bonfire. That should've been enough, right?

Nope. Stupid me had to keep going.

Almost had sex with Nico. By the way, I'm glad I didn't and that Luke and Parker stopped me. What was I thinking?

And then totally acted psycho with Parker, who despite all my weirdness, still seems to like me.

Alright then.

But this time, it's not me who messes up. It's Brandy.

Pushing past Parker, I rush up to Brandy who's shoving her tongue down some guy's throat. He looks a little familiar but I can't remember his name. I don't think he lives in Kendall. All I know is that he is older than me, and obviously older than Brandy.

"What do you think you're doing?" I demand, yanking her arm away from the guy.

Brandy looks at me in dismay and pulls her hand back. "This is none of your concern," she practically hisses in a steely voice. It's so icy, I feel chills running down my spine, despite the warm summer air.

The guy looks in between the two of us. Finally, he raises both his arms up and says, "hey, no one's getting hurt. It's the bonfire, okay? Have a little fun."

I stare at him with an incredulous expression on my face. Who does he think he is, taking advantage of a fifteen year old? "Screw off!" I shout at him, causing a few nearby people to look up at us in curiosity.

Lowering my voice, I continue to tell him off. "My sister is fifteen," I explain. "It is not fair of you to take advantage of her like this."

"Oh, my god!" Brandy screeches. Now, practically everyone is looking at us. "You're not Mom, Maeryn! Stop fucking acting like her, it's really getting on my nerves. Guess what? She's dead, okay? Mom is dead and no matter how hard you try, you're never going to be a replacement for her."

Her words hit me like a slap in the face. The guy is shaking his head and slowly backing away while Brandy is just staring at me with her chest rapidly rising and falling. I look right back at her, speechless. I was never trying to be mom and I wish I can tell Brandy that. I wish a lot of things in this moment. I wish that we could go back to our old ways when the worst thing she ever did was steal twenty dollars from my wallet. I wish that dad was here with us so he could be the adult. I wish that I wasn't growing up so fast without my mom. And most importantly, I wish my mom was here to tell me what to do. To tell Brandy what to do.

I feel a pair of hands on my shoulder and I know that it's just Parker. I see Luke, Cora, and Blake on the other side with Brandy, talking to her.

Eventually, she walks off with Cora and the rest of my friends stay here, just watching me. The rest of the teenagers of Kendall go back to the bonfire, thankfully, acting like nothing just happened.

This isn't the way summer is supposed to go. Brandy and I were supposed to be by ourselves in Kendall and somehow magically go back to our usual relationship, forgetting about everything that happened at home.

Luke and Blake come towards me.

"Do you want to talk?" Blake asks.

I shake my head no. I want to go and chase after Brandy, but I also know that Cora will take good care of her.

"C'mon, Maeryn. I think it's time we all talked about everything," Luke tells me. "Together."

I look between Luke and Blake and oh god, all I want to do it talk and scream and just hit something. Instead of being the mature eighteen year old I'm supposed to be, I give them one last look and start walking away from the bonfire and away from my problems.

Slowly, it gets darker and darker and I'm aware of how quiet it is, how alone I am. I'm walking on a road leading to nowhere but at the same time everywhere.

As I look at my surroundings, I can detect that I'm somewhere in town. The shops have been closed for hours now.

The whole thing looks kind of sad. Closed stores, no lights, the sound of waves in the far distance.

And now I'm crying.

I don't mean a couple of tears running down my face; big, ugly, gasps are escaping from my throat. I can't seem to get enough air into my lungs, even though I'm taking large gulps of oxygen. My vision is all blurred, but that's not too bad since everything around me is dark anyways.

All I can think about is how much of a failure I am. Why couldn't I talk to Brandy and give her advice like normal older sisters? Why can't I be responsible and more in touch with my feelings? Why can't I go back to being my usual self? What is holding me back?

Even as I ask myself these questions I do know what's holding me back. My mom is holding me back. I know I'm not over her death yet.

But why can't I be? Everything in my life reminds me of her. Brandy even has a flair of mom in here. The whole house was decorated by her. Kendall is where she grew up. Where I grew up. Where we grew up.

I'm still crying as I sink down to my knees and scrape them. It hurts but not as much as the ache in my chest does. I don't care anymore about anything as I hold myself in my own arms and just...cry.

Out of nowhere, though, someone is calling my name.

Glancing around like a deer in the headlights, I can't see anyone. Maybe it's because my vision isn't back to normal, yet.

"It's Parker," the voice explains, calmly.

I wipe the tears from my face and neck with my cardigan. "What are you doing here?" I ask, still sniffling.

He scoffs and pulls me close to his chest. It's all I can do to not completely crumble and start having another panic attack. "You didn't really think I would just let you leave like that alone, did you?"

"I hoped you would."

Parker holds me away from him and tilts my chin up so I'm forced to look into his eyes, which seem caring and almost too good to be true. "Let's go away for the weekend," he suddenly says.

Now, I willingly move away from him. "No," I flat out say, spreading my hands out, below both of us.

He shakes his head, obviously determined. "Hear me out," he insists, grabbing one of my hands and bringing it close to his chest. "There's an event my dad is invited to. It's a couple hours away but we'll get a hotel, go to the party, and then just relax. That's it for only two days."

I continue to decline his offer. "I can't. I need to take care of Brandy."

"I think everyone else has been taking phenomenal care of her, lately."

My eyes widen at what he's said, and I think he also realizes what he just said. He frantically shakes his head. "Oh, god, no that's not what I meant!"

"You're right, though!" I cry. Maybe that's why Brandy has been so distant. She feels as if everyone else has been taking care of her except for me.

Parker groans and gives me a funny look. "Trust me," he finally says in a calmer voice. "Just me and you for a few days. For, like, two days," he keeps pushing.

I realize he isn't going to take no for an answer so I just take a big gulp of the fresh ocean air and nod. The idea of a trip with Parker sounds like a beacon of hope and I start to get a little more excited about it.

I get to live a new life for two days, which should be a good amount of time to get myself together for Brandy and for my friends. After that, the summer will really start.

Our little getaway will be my second chance to do things right.