4.4 | Magic in my Veins

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Trigger warning below, read with caution:)
Niall
The car ride home was wicked and I just wanted to slump down in my bed. I just wanted to cry, but I knew my dad would not let this go.
When I opened the front door I was almost up the stairs all the way until my dad called my name.
I turned around to face him as he has his arms crossed.
"Yes?" I asked uneasily.
"Do you have something to tell me?" He asks sternly.
"Uh," I stammer.
"Let's sit down," I follow him to the kitchen as he walks around the island with his hands running through his hair. I sat on the bar stool just waiting for him to speak. I didn't want to start this conversation off because I didn't want to have this conversation in the first place.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I didn't look up I just played with my hands, too scared to meet his eyes. "Niall look at me."
He was pretty calm about this whole conversation, but it could easily get flipped. When I looked up to meet his eyes, they were somewhat filled with concern and confusion.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" He repeats again.
"What would I need to tell you?" It was pretty obvious what he wanted to talk about.
"C'mon Niall, I know about the lifestyle you have chosen to live," he pauses as he looks away from me. It's like he's embarrassed to talk about this kind of stuff.
"What do you want me to tell you?" I ran my hands through my hair. This was eating me alive, I didn't want to talk about this.
"Niall just answer me," he pauses and continues to speak again. "Are you and Harry doing stuff?"
I look up to meet his eyes as they looked worried and sad all mixed emotions.
"Well dad.." I trailed. Was this my shot? To tell him in this way? How would he react? Would he kick me out onto the streets? I really didn't know and I didn't know if I wanted to know.
"Dad, Harry is my best friend." I laughed. He didn't look at me any different, his reaction was the same. Could he see right through my lie?
"Okay Niall," he comes around and pats my shoulder and goes upstairs. What the fuck was that?
I wanted to cry, I needed to talk to someone. Anyone.
Tears streamed down my face as I ran up the stairs to my bedroom. I shut the light off and got under the covers after stripping from my clothes completely.
What were these sudden feelings of loneliness coming over my body. I suddenly felt useless and empower-able. The sudden sadness coming over my body was almost unbearable to withstand.
This was worse feeling than that time I spent away from him.
I couldn't name those feeling because it was so cold and toxic that I didn't want to feel anything suddenly anymore.
I sat up in bed and gulped, why do I feel the sudden urge to hurt myself?
I felt totally incapable of my feelings. It had to be at least 10 o'clock as night and both my parents were locked up in there rooms.
I opened my door, and tip toes downstairs and down to the basement. My dad barely came down here, as with my mom but if there looking for me I knew this was the last place they would ever try to find me.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs the old basement that has barley been touched since Christmas. I walked to the bathroom and drew a bath. It didn't take long for it to get full.
As the water sat peacefully in the tub. I starred at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and I had bags under my eyes as well. My hair was ruffled and suddenly this day went from being amazing to suddenly dull and corrupting.
Why was I even here? If my family couldn't accept the fact that I am gay then why I am even here. I run my hands threw my hair as I exit the bathroom and look around for a paper and marker. When I found a piece of crumbled up paper I flatten it. Well I tried. I found a green vibrant marker. Funny because this thing that I have going through my head is nothing but vibrant, it's scary, vile, and painful.
I went back into the bathroom and starred at the piece of paper in my hand and began to write.
I'm sorry,
I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't good enough for you, for mum, for gramps.
All you ever wanted was for two straight boys, and look what you got a gay boy who can't tell you how he's deeply madly in love with his Bestfriend..
I'm sorry, tell Harry I love him
x N
I starred at the piece of paper in my hand, I laid it out on the counter. I stood up and stepped into the deep tub. I sat there, it was cold and I didn't mind one bit. I laid down until my head was just above the water.
I began to cry, I cried as hard as I ever imagine I could. Why was I doing this? I sat up and stuffed my head in my hands.
I sat there with my head in my hands for what seemed like hours and the water was now pure coldness when my phone wen off on the ledge.
I looked over and Harry's face popped up on the screen and I began to cry harder.
Why was he calling at 1 am? He should be sleeping, and suddenly someone bursted through the door and there he stood.
The most loving man I knew and loved. He held his phone in his hand and he was crying.
"Niall," he cried. Tears were streamed down his face and in seconds my dad and my mom ran in behind him. Why were they all down here?
"Mom? Dad?" I croaked.
"Niall why are you down here?" My mom asked trying to get by Harry and she finally did as she was bending down kissing my head and trying to pull me into a hug.
"My baby," she cried and she cradled me back and fourth. Tears began to fall freely down my face. I lightly wrapped my arms around her as she hugged me her hardest.
"Come on, let's get you out of here." She said as she stepped up and my dad passed her a towel. I stood up and she wrapped a towel around my body.
I don't think I've seen her this caring since I was 11 and I missed it dearly. I haven't seen this side of my mom in a while and it feels odd being in a position like this with her.
She walked me towards the couch and I could see Harry pacing back and fourth with tears streaming down in his eyes. Did they know what I was doing? How did they even know I was down here?
My mom held onto me tightly as I sat there wrapped in a towel.
"Niall what were you doing?" My mom whispered, and I looked towards her as she's not the happy person she seems out to be all the time. She looks disappointed and sad.
"What did it look like mom?" I starred at her and she began to cry again.
"Niall my baby, don't ever do that again. I don't know how I'd live with myself," she rocked us back and fourth.
Then my dad came trotting down the stairs and he to came to sat beside me as both my parents hugged me and rocked me back to fourth while Harry stood there watching the sight in front of him.
After what seemed to be like five minutes my mom got up leaving me alone with my dad. She turned towards Harry as he stood there waiting for her reaction.
It shocked us both when my mum pulled Harry into a hug. I don't think he saw it coming but after a few minutes passed by he wrapped his arms around her small body. I told see her mouth moving and I didn't know what she was saying but I was gonna find out.
I the turned towards my dad as he's watching the scene in front of us too.
"You know Niall," he says as he turns his eyes back on to me. "I know you love him, if it's not enough evidence when you look at each other then I don't know what is."
I gulped. I wasn't expecting him to say that, but he hugged me and I couldn't help but hug him back.
"I love you son," he says and I could only imagine he's crying now. "I'm so proud of you, and I know you've been waiting for me to tell you that for a long time now."
I was again crying because honestly I thought this day would never come, when he released me from my hug I feel the couch dip in and I turn to Harry as he's looking at me with a frown. I know there all disappointed in me and I let them down. I became weak.
"I'll let you two talk," my dad said and him and my mom both left up the stairs.
Harry didn't waste anytime as he engulfed me in a hug. This hug was so heart warming and I knew I regretted ever the thought of ending my life.
"Niall don't ever leave me on this planet without you," he cried. "Not until we're both 95 and lived a happy life together. I mean it Niall, don't scare me like that ever again."
I was sniffling into his shoulder and I knew Harry would never forgive himself.
"I'm so sorry Harry," I cried. I was broken.
"Don't be sorry babe," he was rubbing my back and it relaxes me a lot and I couldn't believe I had such an amazing boyfriends
"Will you please stay the night?" I came back from the hug to look into Harry's eyes and the tears were brimming.
"Of course baby, let's go upstairs." He grabbed my hand and helped me off the couch as he wrapped his arm around me and brought me close to his body as I leaned my head on his shoulder. What did I ever do to deserve a man like him?

It had to be at least 2:30 the latest and all I was focused on was Harry's breathing and tracing the butterfly tattoo on his middle abdomen. My head was lying in Harry's chest and in this moment I left infinite.
I loved this boy so much and I couldn't have thanked Mr.Lockwood enough for assigning him as my tutor.
Well I'm sure we'd find each other someway along the road even if we're a thousand miles apart, I would look for Harry in a crowd of thousands. It's what I do even when I'm in a crowded room of 10.
He'll always be the person I look for even when he's not there.
I'll look for bits and pieces and I'll find him in the best ways possible, because love is magic and he is the magic in my veins that make my heart pump and almost explode at the touch of his skin on mine.
And so I fell asleep that night with the thought of living my life with Harry and the finale words before I slipped of to sleep was "I love you."

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