By Your Side (Twenty One Pilots)

The Cave in My Chest

The sun rose above the horizon the next morning. The town the boys were in was sleepy, and hardly anyone was up before nine o'clock on the weekends, except if they went to church. The streets were empty. The restaurants were closed. The birds were singing peacefully. Josh Dun was packing his bags.

The plan for the day was that they two best friends were going to visit the caves just outside the city limits, and then take Tyler back to the hotel so he could go get ready for his date. Josh really didn't want Tyler to go, but Tyler seemed excited and Josh knew how long it had been since he had done anything of the sort. Tyler had been mumbling something about someone named Lily more and more. Josh never asked about her, but he always thought back to the conversation where Tyler had asked Josh how to forget about people. Josh didn't know who Lily was, but he hated her. She had broken something inside his best friend.

A little while after Josh, Tyler woke up and worked on packing his backpack as well. They had a few snacks and energy drinks, thrown in with extra shirts and socks and a map. The two felt pretty prepared.

However, right as they were headed out the door, Tyler's phone went off.

"It's Mindy, the girl I was going to go on a date with. She says she can't hang out tonight and wants to have lunch with me instead."

Josh looked over at his friend. Tyler had a sad look in his eyes.

"Go with her," Josh surprised himself with his own words.

"What?"

"Stay here and go to lunch with her," Josh said.

"But I was going to the caves with you," Tyler stated. Josh knew he hadn't really wanted to go to the caves. He wasn't a fan of tight spaces.

"It's okay. I'll go myself. Go get yourself a girl."

Tyler smiled over at Josh and gave him a hug.

"Thank you," Tyler whispered.

Josh only smiled and told Tyler he would see him later and then closed the hotel door behind him. His chest was in extreme pain. He was short of breath. Tears pricked his eyes. He could barely stand.

Josh had just set up the love of his life with another person, willingly, just to keep his love happy.

Josh couldn't believe it. His entire world was crumbling in front of his eyes.

After a few moments, josh swallowed the pain and continued on down the hall, all by himself. He made it to the car and turned out of the parking lot and onto the highway. He blasted music as loud as he could to drown out his thoughts. It should be him with Tyler. Tyler shouldn't be going on that date.

But Tyler's happy.

Josh made it to the caves eventually and sent a text to Tyler telling him he made it there safe. Tyler replied telling Josh that she was prettier than he remembered and they were going to some cool new restaurant. Josh told him to be safe. Tyler didn't reply again all afternoon.

The caves were beautiful. After a while Josh forgot that he was sad about being alone and became engrossed in the natural beauty of the earth. The stalactites and stalagmites jutted out at every turn and crystals poked through the walls at unexpected places. The footpaths were barely worn away, making the whole place feel secluded and secret. Josh's tour group was small, and the guide let them go one some of the more exclusive tunnels. Josh could barely believe his eyes. Throughout everything they had done on this trip, from getting kidnapped to going to jail, from camping in the woods and staying in a town and making friends, this, Josh felt, was the most breathtaking. It was gorgeous and huge and it made him feel comfortingly insignificant in such a large world. He never wanted to leave.

He only wished Tyler could have shared all of this with him.

Josh returned back into town with an empty stomach and an empty hotel room. Tyler was nowhere to be found, and he wasn't checking his phone. Josh figured that he was still out with that Mindy girl and was having fun so he thought nothing of it. Once he showered he ventured out to go get some pizza, and again, returned back to the hotel to find it empty. To pass the time he looked back through Tyler's journal, something he always did when it was Tyler's turn to drive the car. Tyler didn't mind josh looking through it. It was after all, just a book documenting their trip. Tyler was actually quite proud of it, and on occasion would shove it into Josh's face to show him something. Josh would always look at it, even if he had already seen the page.

This time however, Josh pulled out a pen as well.

I didn't realize how much I needed this trip. Routine had almost destroyed me and nothing felt right. When Tyler and i left, I was worried. I was worried that what we were doing was wrong. I was worried I was going to regret it. But I never did. The first few miles were rough, but after that, i was amazing. I loved it more than I had loved doing anything else. I was on the road with my best friend, and I still wouldn't want it any other way. We've gotten closer, we've learned together, we've lived together.... and loved. Or at least I have. This trip was the best thing to happen to me, and I wouldn't trade any moment of it for the world.

Josh finished up the page with writing in the date and taping his ticket to enter the caves next to what he had written, along with a polaroid he and Tyler had taken the day before.

Josh closed the book. He didn't even think about if Tyler would read it, he didn't think about what Tyler would think, the only thing he thought about was getting out his thoughts. He saw why Tyler did it so much now. He loved it.

Josh fell asleep soon after journaling to the sound of a show about aliens playing the background. Tyler snuck in a few minutes after midnight. He had had the date of his life and was feeling like he had just conquered the world. He had felt weird about it all at first, but then when he had started talking to Mindy, it all felt right. She was so friendly and so likeable. Tyler was glad that he had meet her.

Tyler took out his journal to add in his thoughts of the day and came across the page Josh had written a few hours earlier. Tyler read it once, then again, and again.

.... and loved. Or at least I have.

Who did Josh love? Why would he write this? And today of all days especially? He could have written this a month after they started their trip, but no. He chose now.

Tyler thought back to all the instances between the two over the past, almost three, months. Had Josh shown any kind of attachment to anything? The two had been together almost everyday, except for today. How could Josh...wait.

Josh loves me.