6 Minutes Wrestling with Life

Hallway or Private Room?

A heart breaking
Isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding...
Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.
And the most painful thing is
No one really hears it,
Except you.

Unknown

August 26th, 2009

I am sitting in the waiting room of the major surgery section of the hospital.

One scene plays out over and over again.

Loved ones would frantically wait for a doctor to peak their head into the waiting room, call them over where they would find out the fate of the rest of their lives.

I am very good in math, and I happen to pick up on patterns very quickly.

I figured out the pattern.

After being in the waiting room for more than four hours I have noticed when the doctor summons the loved ones to come outside in the hallway to talk, those loved ones come back with joyful tears.

And when the doctor summons the loved ones to come into another room to talk, those loved ones come back with sad tears.

In those cases, the tears are flowing down the loved ones faces and there is usually someone at their side attempting to keep them upright while their knees are bending and buckling as they try to walk out of the room with their shattered lives.

I wonder which one I will be.

Finally, Dr. Leon peaks into the room and summons BettyJane and I outside into the hallway. He doesn't need to say a word.

Dr. Leon starts to talk doctor-ease to us, "Things went well. We did the best that we could. Only time will tell."

I convert him back into a human by asking him, "Dr. did you fight for Jess?"

"Mr. Passaro, I didn't need to – everything went as best that it could."

"Thank you," I say, as I look him in the eye.

He is telling the truth. I can see it in his eyes.

"Jess will be in the post op for a few hours, and then you can see her back in the ICU," Dr. Leon says as he sets off for his second brain surgery of the morning.

I am one of the people with joyful tears.