The Broken Boy (AMANDA)

When It Was Clear

I walk into class and I give Celine the biggest hug I have ever given. She grunted and said, "Woah! Okay... What's up with you?" "Love!" "Oooo is it Riley?..." "Yes! He's gonna come back today I just know it!" She frowns; obviously she doesn't agree. The bell rings. He's still not here... My heart drops. I have tears in my eyes. I wipe my eyes. I'm so stupid. Why would I think he would be here. How could I be such an idiot! About 20 minutes into class, and I was dying. I was so tense. I started doing that weird think with my fingers and Brianna looks at me like I'm a lunatic. Which I am... "Are you okay..." "Yeah..." I'm interrupted to the sound of the squeaky door opening. 
    He walked in and I melted. He was really skinny and pale. He looked so weak... Riley took his seat and put his head on the desk. His eyes screamed pain. My heart died. During math he just sat there with his head on the desk sleeping. He is beautiful. I hate to see him like this. I stare at him for what seems like forever. The bell rings and walk out the door.
    I want to say something to him... But what... I got out the door and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around and its him. I hug him softly, I feel like if I hug him too tight he'll break in half. He feels cold.. "I love you." He hugs me tighter I whisper in his ear,"Never let me ago." I look up and he's smiling at me. That crooked smile warmed my frozen heart. It killed me when I had to go to science. I didn't bother to listen during science. Instead I wrote all over my small hands. They were covered with flowers and song lyrics. It's going to be okay.


||I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, "I'll never let you go"
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound.||


The next few weeks were pure happiness! Me and Riley prepared for the talent show. When we sing together it's as if nothing else in the world existed. Just me and him floating on a magic carpet in our own world. Where there was no pain, no sadness, and no tragedy. True serenity. We're singing "Easy" by Lionel Ritchie. His voice couldn't be any more beautiful in the song. And when he sings his face looks like a little child on Christmas morning running downstairs to open presents. His face glows as bright as the sun and as happy as a sunflower on a Sunday.
     I walk into school on a cloudy day in February. It's about a week from Valentine's Day (can't wait) and I walk into my first period and see a red rose on my desk. I died. Roses are my favorite. I picked up the rose. The petals were as soft as silk. I brought it up to my nose and I felt a sudden gust of bliss. There's a note attached to the rose. "I remembered." I smile. I flip the card over,"Meet me where sparks fly and where our love never dies." Never in my 13 year old life have I ever been this excited to go to math class. 
    I stared at the clock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like endless infinities. The bell rings. I got through the first hour of school.
   English is so BORING!!!! I sit there and think,"I'M NEVER GOING TO USE THIS IN LIFE!!!!" God. We learned about counter arguments and rebuttal... Give me a break. The next hour gave me the biggest head ache I have ever experienced. When I went outside for PE my head had its own heartbeat... Nice... Of course Mr Martin gave us THE HARDEST WORKOUT. By the time I got to math I was nauseous.
   Since it's Ms Paul's class I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of Brianna's voice. "Amanda...Amanda. The bell rang!" I missed Riley!!! I rush out the door forgetting my binder and supplies. I didn't see him anywhere. Ugh! At least my headache went away. But I felt like was hungover after a night in Vegas.
   Science thank God was actually fun. We did an experiment with chocolate. See the experiment its self wasn't fun, it's what happened is what was interesting. You see Matt, Austin, Layla, and I were at a lab table. The assignment was to time how long each kind of chocolate takes to melt under a small flame. Matt was holding the chocolate on a platter over the burner and he was going to turn it on and the handle was stuck. So Austin pushes it so hard that the fire shoots out. The chocolate melts instantly and Matt lets go of it because it's hot and the chocolate slams on the table covering us all in Hershey chocolate. We clean up the table and the bell rings. I run out the door with chocolate all over my face and white Beach Boys shirt.
     I run to the field. And there he is. Holding a bouquet of red roses. I run up to him and jump into his arms. Roses... For me! Things like this don't happen to people like me. Flowers, hugs, kisses, comfort... It's just not relevant. His face was as bright as the sun, and his eyes showed passion, not pain, not fear, passion. He looks so nice today like if he was going to dinner or something. He was wearing a button up red plaid shirt that brought out his beautiful eyes, a grey beanie, skinny jeans, and some black vans. Now that's my kind of man!!! He wraps his arms around me and all of the bad things that happened to me today disappear. He faces me, takes my hands, and looks me straight into the eyes (I can't typically look people in the eyes but his were out of this world.) Riley strokes my hair and says,"Will you be my valentine?" And smiles making his cheeks a bright pink. Awwwwwwwe. "Of course!" I snatch the flowers from him. "How did you know!" I never told him. "Your friends helped me out a lil bit." God I love them. I can't help but giggle a little bit, I mean I'm still a girl right. I was in shock. I had a sudden moment of clarity. This is my life. This is really happening. I held him in close and took a second to soak in the love. Then I hear cheering. I look around. Oh my God.... It was my friends. I laugh and look at Riley. He was laughing too. "Thanks guys!" I begin to cry. This is all too much. Riley looks at me with concern. "What's wrong?!" "I'm confused" "About what?" "I never knew..." "Knew what" "I never knew that fairy tales were real." "Why is it a fairy tale?" "Because it's too good to be true" "Nothing is too good for you." I take his hand and we walk to my friends. They surround us and put their arms around us to make the biggest hug I have ever gotten. It's not the biggest because of the quantity of people, but rather the quantity of love. I look around at these people and think,"Wow... Just wow... All these people come from different backgrounds, different thresholds, but mostly different stories. I see change. Everyone of us had gone through so much... Me and Matt had divorce and originality, Albert had a bad past, Layla left everything, Zoe was abandoned and saw her brother nearly die, and Riley... Oh Riley he is like a whole new person. His eyes didn't cast shadows of fear but rather like rays of sunshine from the genuine happiness shining from his wounded heart. We were like newborn puppies lost in the rain. We saved each other and cared for one another. I mean without them I would be out in the rain waiting for lightning to just strike me down to put me out of my misery. Only God would now what would've happened to them. But now look at us! Albert and I are dating amazing people. Zoe and Matt can be themselves. Layla finally filled the shelves of her empty heart with pictures of memories that would last her forever. Riley can walk the streets not worrying that someone was going to mug him and strip him of his light and personality. I always think of us as the breakfast club, coming from different places in society, coming together. I will never understand how this happened, but it really doesn't matter. We have all found a place in this world. Things are going to change. They will try to hurt us. They will try to change us. They will try to take everything we have. But that's not going to happen. Because as long I have them I don't need anything else.

||I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, "I'll never let you go"
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound
Don't you dare look out your window, darling,
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when music's gone
Gone||

    Today felt like victory. I didn't win a trophy or money, I won something much more than that. I won clarity. Something I don't get much anymore. I've been getting weird spikes of clarity which is kind of creepy but this little window of clarity opened my eyes and mind to really have a true outlook on my life.