The Broken Boy (AMANDA)

I Am Damaged

Today was a big milestone in my book. First I conquer my fears, then I see my man getting along with my parents. Nothing could be better.
    I help Riley through therapy and prepare for my black belt test coming in a few weeks. I practice hours upon  hours! You have to be in the top 5 to go on to the showcase and last time I ranked sixth. Riley always makes fun of me because he thinks I'm too cute to be scary, but you just wait Riley. You just wait.
   Riley is now on special meds and still is on crutches but the nausea is gone now. His strength is coming back, but he hasn't been to the gym yet. I usually help in therapy to get his strength back while he watches me preform my weapons and forms. Riley is the most patient person I know. I'm not very strong so when I have to help him do exercises sometimes I loose balance... a lot... and he just gets back up and kisses me on the fore head. He then helps me get my special moves which I had high difficulty with because of my klutziness. "Ugh God!!!!" "It's okay you'll get it. You need more torque, more power." He pulls me up and rubs the wrist I fell on (which I previously hurt a few months ago). "You okay?" "Yeah." my back and wrist really hurts. I ice my wrist and get back to practicing.
   I'm practicing more, and more, and more. I could do everything forward backwards and blindfolded. "Yes! You did it!" Riley hugs me. He doesn't use his crutches anymore and he's gone back to the gym. He's my strong man again. Now it's my turn. "I'm going to run it one more time." "Amanda take a break! You've been practicing for three hours. You need to rest! Don't over do it." He's right I have been falling asleep in class and have been a tad hyperactive. I was in complete SDDS. "Okay I guess your right." I decided to take a break for the next week until the test to let everything sink in. Then I tested. And I aced it. Not in 6th place but in 1st."Ry I did it! I got 1st!!!" "See I told you you could do it!" I can see his excitement through the phone.        Look at us now! Riley's healthy I'm going to be a black belt, and most importantly were both happy. Just to think about a few months ago, not knowing where we were going. Never in a million years would I have thought that I, a misunderstood nerd, would have a handsome and sweet boyfriend. I think I have grown more in this past few months than I ever have in my whole life. Now I'm accomplishing one of my life's goal since my early childhood. I can't wait for May. But then it happened. Jump. Kick. Ankle. Twist. Emergency room night. Calls from Riley. Tears in my eyes. Crutches and braces galore I have never felt this before. I have to wear the brace for only 3 weeks. I can get it off two weeks before the show. They said I can go just to be careful. That night I was practicing without Riley since he had therapy and I did a jump kick and twisted my ankle on the landing. "Hey! How you feeling?" It was a Tuesday at like 3pm, my mom let me skip school today because we got home at like 4am. Riley texted me throughout the day, sending me selfies and pictures of my friends. But all I could think about was practicing. The desire stung like 1000 bees. Ugh!
    The weeks passed very slow. Although my grades thrived I put on a lot of weight and became very depressed. Working out and practicing calmed me. Riley was the only thing in life that brought me happiness. He even spray painted my crutches black for me. That's what I love about Riley. He always puts you before himself. Such a gentleman. He's the reason I got through the three long weeks. This is how this all works. When tragedy strikes you need to be there to catch them so they don't fall into darkness. One day Riley surprises me with something that changed everything. He found a way for me to work out without my foot. He googled that  no feet push ups can tone the whole body without the use of both your feet. You put your hands far apart and had a person lightly hold your legs so u don't smash your feet and do a push up. At first I couldn't do it but after a few days Riley help me do up to 20. I began to loose weight, increase flexibility, and tone for looks. By the time I got my brace off I almost lost 10lbs and was able to get my split. I'm ready for testing.
     The next two weeks was non stop practice. The only thing I didn't practice was the special jump kick. Didn't want to blow it before the big day. Also my ankle wasn't strong enough yet. I still wore the brace when I lounged around the house. Riley practices with me again except he was really cautious like I was when he was sick. "Babe, babe be careful! Don't land too hard! Your going too fast!" "I'm fine Ry, I'm fine" "Hey I don't want to see you get hurt again okay!" He raised his voice. He was serious. "K." He's  never yelled at me before. Tears sprung in my eyes. That just happened.
    The night before the show I ran the jump kick just to get a feel for it and I landed it, perfectly. Bring it! This is the day I have been waiting for for 8yrs. The reason I've always write May on my wrist. I wake up at 7:30am so I don't get the hangover feel throughout the day and go out for breakfast. I wear my brace today with my shoes just because tonight I have to be on my feet all night. When we get back I do my hair and get on my uniform. I start feeling the tingling sensation of adrenaline. I was ready! Yet at the same time I was nervous I would mess up because of my absence of three weeks. I put my hair into a Dutch braid down the back of my head curling the stray hairs that frame my face. I wear a smudge of mascara (waterproof just in case of tears, learned that the hard way) and some sparkly lipgloss. I'm one girly martial artist aren't I. Riley Facetimes me. "Hey there black belt!" "Hey whatcha up to?" "I'm waiting for you to get on stage." "Haha whatever floats your boat Ry." "Are you ready for tonight?" " Um yeah..." Now that I think about it. "How's your ankle?" "Good, good I have it in the brace right now." "Good... Good... I'm sorry about how I talked to you the other day. I-I-I just don't want you to get hurt again. I want you to do this." "Thanks." "Hey it's the least I can do! I'll see you in a few hours." "K love you." "Love you too!" It feels good to have someone who cares and watches over you like that. Glad we got everything settled.
   It's now 3pm and we go to pick up Jackie, Noah, Erica, and Riley. We all shove in the back with Riley in the front. Erica texts me, "That's ur boyfriend?! 🙀" "Yeah u jealous?" She flashes me a look. I laugh. My friends talk to Riley. He was shy at first but after a while you would've thought they were old friends! Riley even cracked a few jokes! I'm impressed. Riley's becoming quite the social butterfly.
  We get there and I take the brace off. I start to walk to the theater. My ankle starts to pop. Hm. I walk a little slow. I go backstage and go through my forms in my head. My friends are in a group text texting me. I'm ready to go on, I walk out and there's over a thousand people. Oh God. I find my group in the crowd and smile. They cheer obnoxiously. We start off with sword. I nail every cut and strike with precision and grace. After we do self defense with real life throws and submissions. Eh I took a few hits but it went better than expected. We exit off stage. I stand on the sidelines watching other people go. Wow. Just wow. Sheer talent. I get a text "You're so much better than them 😂👍" from the group. I look out to see them. Next they handed out awards since this was the May ceremony. I'm kinda tuned out since it got a little long with all the talking and what not. Then I hear my name. No that can't be me. Then everyone nudges me to the stage I walk to the middle of the stage obviously confused. The founder of the company asks me "Do you know why you're here?" "No..." "Honey your Red Dragon Student of the Year." My jaw drops and the audience laughs. I grab the award and my instructed informs me two minutes before I go onstage that I'm going to do the hardest form I know. The one I twisted my ankle and fell countless times, in front of thousands of people... I know that he said that in performing it, but not by myself. Now I'm student of the year!
    I originally got my second brown belt back when I was seven, I was a year away from black belt. When I was with Noah in karate, I was exceptional. I could do every form forwards and backwards. I could do spits and won many titles. I even took a teaching class and a black belt training class. You see, the pressure and practice really started to catch up with me. I was seven after all. It was all too much and Noah and I quit. Over the years I started gaining weight and had no athletic ability what so ever in any other sport. One day I just decided that I need to reach my life accomplishment and get my life back. So rejoined at the level I was at in January of 2014. I relearned everything and more. I only competed a few times because I'm not very good anymore. Then Riley came along and gave me the motivation so I now I'm the only one ever to come back after a long period of time and get their black belt. So I'm getting an award for realizing my stupidity. Okay. So I get ready to get on. I'm nervous beyond compare. Everyone is watching. I'm representing the company. I'm student of the year. I can do this.


*Riley's prospective*


    I hope she's okay back there. Should I text her? What if she hurts herself on stage? Amanda walks onstage and she looks as calm as ever. Music starts and she starts off. I practically knew this routine by heart, I've seen her do this a thousand times. Then I realize what form it is. No no no no! As she goes along she looks shaky. Something's wrong. She's nailing every move. There's a look in her face. I know my girl. Something's wrong. Then I see it. Her foot is wobbling as she does tricks. "Not now not today! Rhonda her ankle is shaking." "She's fine she's probably nervous." I know she's not okay.  She gets in the point in the routine where she does the jump kick. I'm sweating. There is no way she can land it. She goes for it. And... she lands!!! I cheer loud. She walks off and trips. Oh no. Someone walks over to our section of the crowd and escorts us backstage. Amanda was sitting in a chair with her ankle all purple being checked out by an instructor. Her face was red and covered in tears. I run over to her and wrap her in my arms. "Shhhh it's okay" "I should've listened to you! I should've took it easy! I-I-I-I" "It's okay it's not your fault. You did your best."

*amanda's perspective*

   His warmth soothed me. I just still can't believe I did that! I had it! Now I blew it. I'm not going to get my black belt. I did this all for nothing. Riley carries me to the car and they drive over an hour to the hospital. I probably lost at least 5lbs after all the tears I cried. I sit in the backseat with my foot on the console my head on Riley. He strokes me hair.
      I was suppose to live out my dreams tonight. That dream slipped right out of my hands. To be crushed and stepped on by my own ignorance. They take me to emergency in Orange and I had dislocated my foot so far that it put too much pressure on one of the big bones in my foot that it eventually snapped. They said I had to have surgery in the morning, and I would be off my foot for at least 2 months. Depression here we come. First I can't exercise and then I can't achieve my life goal. Just when life made sense.
    The doctors leave and I burst into tears. It was only me and Riley. The rest went home and my parents were talking on the phone. "I'm so sorry this had to happen babe..." I see Riley tense up. He smacks the wall. "Woah Ry it's okay!" "It's not okay! Things always get in your way! It's not fair! You deserve so much better!! There's always something! First yourself then me, then now this." "Hey! You did not hold me back!" "The talent show. My therapy. You could've done more practicing. Oh my God  this is my fault!" "RILEY THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! If anything you helped me. You got me back in shape, you helped my practice, and you warned me. I should've listened." He looks like me now. Smacking the wall screaming at the wind, at life, at himself. I don't know whose more in destress me or him. "Hey Ry life is unfair. Look at me and you. Nothing ever goes our way. I don't need a black belt or fame to make me happy. I have you and that's all I need."
    I wake up in a jolt. I look around unsure if last night was real. Sadly, it was. I look to my right to see Riley's face in his arms leaning against the bed. He was sitting in one of the doctor's chairs asleep. My mom was sitting another chair with her mouth hanging open fast asleep. I look at my phone. It's 6am and the sun is rising. Riley slowly wakes up. And looks at me with a smile. "Good morning." I comb the hair out of his face. "Why are you still here?" "Um well my parents fell asleep and were too tired to pick me up. I fell asleep talking to you last night. You kept rambling on and on about your old childhood memories." "Haha like what?" "Like that time when your dad shoved a lime in your mouth at a Mexican restaurant." "Oh my God I said that?!" We laugh. "Yeah you were kinda loopy last night from the meds. Haha, you fell asleep arguing which is better, peanut butter or butter!" "Which one won?" "Butter you said popcorn would be naked without it." I don't remember a thing. I look down at my foot. It's in a black brace and is purple all around. "They said you would go in around 10." "I'm scared." "Don't be scared it doesn't hurt one bit, I promise." He puts his arm around me and hugs me tight. I'm a surviver. Come at me.

*Riley's prospective*

    The doctors came in and rolled her away. My heart sunk. That's my baby. I just sit in that chair for 3hrs texting Austin and Jesus on her phone (no worry she let me). It's been 5hrs and I've heard nothing. I begin to worry. Is everything okay? Did something happen? I look at her pictures. I see thousands of selfies, pics of her dog, pics of the group and tons of me. I see one pic we took at dinner after the talent show a few months ago. I feel a tear run down my face. I wish I could go back. I was happy. She was happy. We were happy. I go on her Instagram. (I'm such a stalker) I look on her account. She had only about 30 pics, and they mostly were of sunsets, friends, and selfies. But she didn't post anything last night at the showcase. I only got one pic of her and it was a pic of her doing that jump kick. I post the pic with a little message to both her followers and her when she gets out. The doctor comes in and says she's out. The weight is lifted off my shoulders.