The Broken Boy (AMANDA)

When There Were Small Kisses

We get in the car and drive about half a mile to a little dress shop. Oh God dresses. Dresses intimidate me. We walk in and I look around. So many sparkles!
     Growing up I always dreamed of a day like this, getting my hair done, makeup, a dress, being with my Prince Charming. It's real now. Not just my fantasies. I hobble to the desk and they shove a dress bag into my hands. "Me, Riley, and your friends picked this out." I go into a dressing room and open the bag. Do dresses like this even exist?! It was a black dress with lace detail with a poofy medium length skirt with rhinestones everywhere and a cherry red bow around the waist. I put it on and the best part was, IT FIT!!!!! All my dress memories have been quite depressing... Never looked good in them... Never been in shape... Nothing ever fit my personality without being over $300 or that's appropriate. I hop out. I look in the mirror. This is all happening. I'm a princess. Not the ones in the movies. I'm my own kind of princess. I felt beautiful in my gothic dress and crutches. "MOM!!!!!" "One more thing." She held out my black chuck Taylor's. "Now it's complete." This really tied everything together. Added that last touch.
   I spin in the mirror. When I come back around I see Riley. WHAT THE HECK?! HE'S IN TEARS!!! "Oh my God!" I wipe his face. "You're my girlfriend. This is real. I don't know what I could've done to deserve this." "Right back atcha Ry." "Wow just wow!" He sits and stares at me. "We have to go!" My mom disturbs the moment. Me and my Prince Charming walk to the magical carriage. Oops sorry I thought I was telling a fairy tail.
   I stare out the window, his hand once again interlocked with mine trying to imagine where we were going, the place we have been preparing for all day. It took me a while to simply process all that has happened in the past twenty four hours. Tears, fear, surgery, confidence, beauty, passion, it was all a bit much. I fiddle with my necklace. Anticipation is taking over.
   Fifteen minutes pass, we were on a dark highway. I can't really tell where we are. "Okay we're almost there. Riley can you put a blindfold on her." "Wait what?!" "You don't want to ruin the surprise, do you?" "Well..." He ties a red bandana on my eyes and puts my giant skull candy headphones on. I sit a second in silence and confusion. Until I hear music blast through my headphones. Fall Out Boy. I laugh. We're almost there! I drift off.
   I wake up to the feel of cold air and Riley's warm fingertips. He grabs my hands and pulls me up. "Can I take off the blindfold so I don't kill myself?" "Uh sure." My mom untied the bandana. We're in a parking lot. It was almost empty except like three or four other cars. "Riley you can go." Go where? What?! My mom laughs. "You can last a few minutes without him." "Now can you tell me where we are or going?!" "Nope!" She said with smart Alec voice. I growl. (I'm not normal okay)
   I follow my mom across the parking lot. It was like pitch black. Ohhhhhh! I know where we are? But why?! It's like almost 9 o'clock and we're at English Spring Park.
   I grew up here. Some of my best memories live here. Laughs, smiles, fresh air. My mom has been taking me here since I was born, my house used to be down the street. I remember in sixth grade my class walked here from our school. The day was warm,yet windy. I rolled down the hill with boys and did mission impossible capture the flag. It's hard to believe this was year ago. It felt like an eternity. Yet the memories are still vivid. They always will be.
   I hobble to the ramp taking in the fresh air near the pond. A lick of bliss. I follow my mom down the path towards the grass hills. I see the ducks together sleeping in a group snuggling for warmth and I think of Riley. Where is he? My mom just sent him off. Is that suppose to tell me something? My mom finally stops. "Why'd we stop?" "Close your eyes." Again with closing my eyes... I've seen enough darkness today. I'm ready.
   "One. Two. Three." I open my eyes. The gazebo where I have had sat for over 13 years was lit up with string lights, candles, and a few street lights. The cement tables seated my friends and Riley all dressed up like we were all going to prom. Among a table of my family also sat my Karate instructor. I look at my mom with wet eyes and I feel arms wrap around me. He kisses me on the cheek. "Surprise." I look up at his deep brown eyes. They dance like fire in the candle lit night. His smile shown through the dark skies. He whispers in my ear, "The night has just begun."
   I take a seat with my friends. The girls ramble about how I look like a girl and how pretty I was. It was great to see all of my friends, but what is all this? The night has just begun? My instructor stands up. "Thank you all for coming. Amanda you are probably thinking why the heck we're all here!" You got that right. "You never received your black belt... And you're special one out. I remember when you first joined nine years ago. From day one YOU had the most potential out of all my students. You always came to class, did all the advanced stuff you had it all. When you quit I was crushed. I thought you of all people would get their black belt. When you came back it wasn't a great shock to me. When you fight I can see the passion in your eyes. An eternal flame burning in your soul. You learned everything over again in only a year and a half. I have never seen anything like that before! You are special. The board at Red Dragon Karate and I would like to recognize your achievement and give you the award for student of the year." Everyone claps and cheers. I blush. Nobody ever recognizes me like that! "Also let's not forget that you left something very important at the showcase." He reaches into his coat and pulls out a black belt. I get up and hobble to get my black belt. My dream. I bow and hold it in my hands. "Congratulations to the class of May, twenty fifteen!" This tops being on any stage. It doesn't matter that I'm on crutches, or I didn't get to preform on stage. None of that matters. I have my black belt, friends, and family. That's all I need.
    My instructor leaves and it's just me, my friends, and my mom. We chat the night away, catching up, sharing stories, and going on stupid topics like we always do until I hear music start to play. Since when does my mom actually suggest music?! We all look at each other for s second and get up and dance. We are all such terrible dancers and it also doesn't help that I'm on crutches. And that's what's so beautiful. Freaks dancing at the park in the middle of the nights like psychotic children. That's us. Just when I start to break a sweat, a slow song comes on. My mom flashes me a "do it" look. I turn around and already in his arms. Everyone sits down but the two of us. I put my arms around his neck and his go around my waist sending a chill down my spine. He brings me in closer. I put my head on his shoulder and we sway to the rhythm of love. This is happening. I say this a lot now don't I. It's just hard to accept reality when it's this amazing. "I love you." "I love you too." We stare into each other's eyes. I lean in half way and he goes the other half. Our lips meet. Sparks fly in every direction. Our first real kiss. We back away and laugh. Our little awkward laugh echoes through the night. "Oooooooo!!!" All my friends said at once. "Really guys!"
    I've made many memories at this park, but this is by far the best one. Nothing could come close to what I felt tonight. The love, satisfaction, and accomplishment.

"Real or not real?"

    It's now 12:34am and all my friends have left but Riley. I find myself sitting in grass, shoes in a tree, staring at the stars. Gemini was right ahead, my birthday is coming soon and so is Riley's. Mine is the June twentieth and Riley's is May twenty first. Two Gemini's. The stars tell a story. Stories of tragedy, change, and mystery. Stars go through the phases of life constantly changing. Some stars are irregular, deformed, and even dysfunctional. Sometimes these lone stars collide and make something new and special unlike anything anyone's ever seen. Aren't we all stars, Traveling  through the universe colliding with dysfunctional stars unaware of what's going to happen.
    He sits down next to me with a sigh. "There is no star in the sky that compares to your beauty." I look into his moonlit eyes. They sparkle with warmth. I scoot closer to him. He raps his coat around my shoulders. "Let's go for a walk." "You think my mom will let us?" "Just trust me." I take his hand and fetch my crutches.
     We walk for about fifteen minutes, around the pond, and to the grass steps. He stops. Riley's gaze was somewhere off in the distance. He turns toward me and motions me to sit down. "Ry what's going on?" "I was going to speak tonight... In front of your family...but I wanted to tell you personally." I can see tears fall down his smooth face in the shadows. "I was lost. Afraid. Insane to be honest. I went to school in fear, yet it was an escape compared to the horror story of my home. I still remember that cold day a few month ago." His hands shake the paper, his tears smeared his heartfelt words. "I sat in the middle of those boys, thinking to myself, if I left today, forfeit this meaningless life without a purpose, would anyone care? I mean, a gun to the head would be easier than enduring the pain of fear and anxiety. That's when you came in. Someone cared about me. I've never felt love. From then on out I couldn't let her out of my sight, she was the only thing I cared about, my only reason to live really. When I finally got the guts to talk to her I instantly fell in love. Her forgiving eyes, her bright smile, and her awkward, yet cute laugh. I knew she was the one for me. I may sound stupid saying I've found the love of my life at only age 13, but Amanda René is other half. It was a dream when we fell in love. Amanda made me the best I could be. We both concurred our fears and lots of obstacles. I had treatment, she had a screwed up foot, but we got through it, together. When I saw Amanda perform onstage last night I've never been prouder. Never in my life." We both were in tears. Not in sadness, but in happiness." He starts to stutter and choke on his beautiful words. "W-when I saw her fall, my world fell out of the sky. Her one chance to achieve her goal. Gone. I sat at her bedside that night just listening to her ramble on and on. Even when everything came crashing down she kept her head high with a smile on her face. She deserved so much more." Riley leans against the wall of a cave sobbing. I get up and rap my arms around his shoulders from behind. Hugs always feel better from behind. "Ry I have everything I'll ever want and need." His breath slows. "I just wish things went better for you." "Hey life is a roller coaster sometimes it needs to go down to go up." He looks up at me. I rap my arms around his neck. "To our dreams, nightmares and fantasies." I go straight in. Our lips touch and the pain vanishes. "When you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging Riley Gonzalez."
"Amanda René can you promise me something?" "Yes." "Promise me you will never change no matter what happens between us or anything in this demented life." "Of course. And for you, promise me that you will always reach for the stars and follow your dreams, never holding back at anything." He grabs my hands and looks me straight in the eyes. "I promise."
    We just sit and stare into each other's eyes conjuring up memories and fantasizing new ones, with a glimmer of hope that they would come true. I hear a call in the distance. It's my mom. We break the trance to find my mom staring at us. Laughter fills the air. Awkward laughter. Our kind of happiness.
      Twirling. Laughing. The warmth of your arms around me. The stirrings from within. Dancing. Kissing in the moonlight. I wake up with a jolt. Was it all a dream? I look in the mirror in my room. I still had my black dress on with the roses and everything. That night was real.
       I check my phone, 4:12am. I got to get ready! I take a shower and put on a lace top with tie die jeans. I throw my hair in a pony tail and a bow just because I'm in a good mood. My phone rings.
       It's Riley. He's always been an early riser. He loved watching the sunrise drinking coffee listening to Frank Senatra's greatest hits album in his sweats. I too love the early hours. Maybe it's the silence, or the songs of birds. We both have terrible insomnia, together usually we make average sleep quantity. I stay up listening to MCR or Paramore, often loosing myself to music and reading quotes on Instagram. Riley... His nightmares haunt him even if he is awake. His ghosts lerk in depths of his mind. This usually results in mental breakdowns to be only followed by his mother throwing a beer bottle at his head to be followed by yet again more tears. I sometimes fear his phone calls. I never know what to expect. I mean he's one of the only people I can honestly say I love besides my friends.
      "Amanda Rene can you open the window?" "Excuse me?" He calls me by my middle name. I do as asked. I open the window. I don't see anything but the early morning fog and hummingbird by the streetlight. "Am I suppose to see something?" "Lift your beautiful your tiara is falling." Huh? I search frantically around the yard. There's not much to see. The view from my window is the building next to us, the sidewalk and three trees, not much to search through. It hit me. I cover my face with my hand. "Riley what the heck are you doing!" He was sitting on a thick branch of a tree only about twenty feet away. "Some healthy adventure can never hurt." I get my crutches and go outside.
       "Ry what is this about?" He had his glasses on with a black and red flannel with his phone still on his ear. "Needed some fresh air." "At 5am? Riley you live seven miles from here." His breath smelt of caramel coffee. His favorite. "Why not? It's the middle of May, the sunrise is breathtaking Amanda Rene, I just thought it would be more beautiful from your point of view." "Don't call me that! I hate my first name as it is." "It catches the essence of your beauty. It means "beloved reborn". It's not so bad is it." "Oh is it, "valiant resolute warrior"" "You win, I live as a warrior to protect the Princess Beloved." "You need a ride to school Ry?" "Please." "Can you pretend I offered to take you so this doesn't seem strange?" "Oh course." " 'Kay stay here."
   "Mom!" I have to scream over my blaring music. "Yes!" "We're taking Riley  to school, his mom is going to drop him off in two minutes she has to go to work early." "Okay!" Well that was easy. I fetch Riley and sit on the couch. "Why are you really here?" "My parents were fighting last night... It started getting a little much." I sit closer and grab his hand, I felt scrapes and splinters. My heart aches. I'm worried. This is really getting out of hand. I'm still unsure of what is really happening. "I'll leave my window open if you need anything, just no climbing trees! Only one of us needs crutches." He kisses my head and wraps his arm around me.