The Broken Boy (AMANDA)

When I Wanted Freedom

During Ms Paul's lesson I wrote a different song, not hanging tree, but love is an open door.

||All my life has been a series of doors in my face
but suddenly I bumped into u,
I've been searching my whole life to find my own place
maybe it's the party talking or the chocolate fondue,
But with u,
I found my place, I see your face,
And it nothin like I've ever known before
Love is an open door. ||

    After class I walk up to Riley and he side hugs me and smiles. I'm kind of caught off guard. "Where's your next class?" "Science. Do you want to sit with me at lunch?" "Sure!" He leans down (I'm short) and gives me a kiss on my forehead and walks away. I stand there in shock... My first kiss.
    I run to science to tell Matt. " Matt guess what!" He looks creeped out, I was totally freaking out. "What!" "He kissed  me!..." I say softly after all I am in science. "Who?!" "Riley, that kid that defended me that one day!" He looks at the ground. I know what he's thinking. Dakota kissed him about a month and a half ago. It was Matt's best day ever. Dakota broke up with him two weeks ago. I feel bad. "Sorry I just wanted to tell u." " No it's okay don't be sorry." The bell rings. "I saw that" I look next to me and Brianna's smiling. I can't help but smile back.
     After a long class, the bell rang the second time and I rushed out the door. "I get see Riley I get to see Riley I get to Riley" I sing in my head. Remember play it cool; don't be someone else, because he must like something about me so I don't want to change that.
     I walk over to the quad and sit down. I think I walked a little too fast, I'm sitting by myself. I look like a loner. Albert sits down and starts complaining about how tired he is and how he was cold and then the rest of the "puppies" sit down. I sit on the end of the group. I'm saving a spot for Riley. He walks over he's smiling and he comes over and hugs me from behind, I can feel his heat and I can smell his fresh linen scent. I'm in heaven. I finally say,"Guys this is Riley."
     He sits next to me and I lean against him and he puts his arm around me. They stare at me. He motions for me to come with him. I get up and we walk about 10 feet away from the group. He takes my hands and knocks the wind out of me. "Amanda will you go out with me?" I stand there frozen. I'm still processing. "YES!" And I jump into his arms. "I love you." I whisper in his ear "I love you more." I take his hand and we walk back to the table and I say "I got a boyfriend!!!!" Albert says "How much did she pay you? Amanda I told you, no more threatening people!" He looks shy, awe. We laugh. We both had awkward laughs. This is beautiful.
Riley is so shy! He just sat there with me when I talked with my friends. I tried to include him in the conversation, but he can't keep it going. Some of my friends even walked away. I know he's my boyfriend and all , but my friends are everything to me... I have to get him to talk.
"I don't mean to kill the mood but what happened when...Riley hit him?" Riley looks at me. "You, Riley, me, and the boy that threatened you got suspended. The boy holding you back got a detention. Why did they attack you?" "It's a long story... I'm so sorry guys all of this was my fault..." Riley looks at me with sad eyes,"No it's mine, you never would of punched that guy if I stuck up for myself." "You know what, this morning when I saw all of you... I saw something different... I didn't see the black eyes or the bandages, you know what I saw... strength. It takes a lot of guts to stand up for others. I don't know what I would do without you guys. I think this experience has brought out some inner strength from all of you including myself and yeah it took some sacrifice, but you can't help but agree. Especially you Riley, when I met you you were scared to even speak to me and now... Look at you." He smiles and hugs me. Nothing on earth is more perfect than this. They gather around me and give me a big hug.

||We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be
I would wait forever, exalted in the scene
As long as I am with you, my heart continues to beat||

"I love you guys"
    I'm a hot mess when I get to choir. My eyes are red, I'm hyper, and my hair is super frizzy from the hug. I walk in, "Woah what happened to you?" Kayla was staring at me with disbelief. "I got a boyfriend..." I cracked a little smile. "WHAT?!?!?!" "And yes he is real this time." "What's his name? Does he go to this school? Ahhhh Amanda!!!!!" "His name is Riley and he's in Paul with me and guess what!" "What?" "He kissed me" She sits there with her mouth open and I can't help but laugh. We hug and scream. The bell rings and I can't wait for the end of the day... Oh wait... Oh my God... I'm gonna die... I have to tell my parents.
    I had a mini panic attack. I have something I call a "hyper active conscience". Where I will freak out if I don't confess or say something. It feels like I'm constantly breathing thin air and I will get random pains. I growl at myself and people start staring at me and I simply smile and wave. My heart wouldn't stop pounding. Just smile... After all you had a good day.
    The bell rings... Oh God. I'm breathing heavily and I get quiet like a little dog when it's raining outside. I put on a happy face cause I want to tell Serena and Dakota the news. "I got a boyfriend and this one is REAL!" They start freaking out and ask tons of questions "His name is Riley." "The guy who got suspended with you, awe!" My mom calls, she's here to pick me up.
    I get in the car and right off the bat, I tell her... I explode. Can you say mental breakdown. That night was among the worst of my whole 13 year life. The talks, the tears, the hugs all made me breakdown. I'm not going into detail about that night, but lets just say it was complete chaos.

||Are you, are you
Coming to the tree?
Wear a necklace of rope,
Side by side with me.
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight
In the hanging tree.||

    I went to bed at 7:38pm that night, the fighting took everything out of me. I didn't finish my homework, so I have to get up at 5 again. I go to bed with a broken heart. Why is love so hard! Can't love just live freely like the birds, if a problem comes their way they can just fly away.
    I woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. This happened 3 or 4 times. After a few times I lost the ability to distinguish the difference between dreams and reality. My alarm goes off I get out of bed. I put on all black. Shocker right. I do my homework and get in the car. I put on the radio to shut out conversation. My mom finally says," You can be in a relationship with him, but no kissing." She smiles and I smile back I whisper "Thank you. Daddy?" "I convinced him" Wow. Real or not real.

||We were making history
Breaking rules and breaking free
Questioning the writing on the wall
Coming from the underground
Laughing as we're falling down
Soaking in the glory of it all

But in dark times when we close our eyes
It's a nightmare, it's a nightmare
When the sun don't shine we lose our minds
But I swear, we can get there||