The Broken Boy (AMANDA)

When I Loved Him

The bell rings. I take Riley's hand and drag him out of the classroom and engulf him in a hug. "I love you!" "I love you more." He kisses me on the cheek and runs in the other direction.
     I go into science class quite confused. Why did he run off? Was he nervous or something? Did I do something? I just paste on smile. Nothing can kill my day. I walk to my lab table. I spot a leather bracelet with a balloon attached. The bracelet was dark brown and had R+A engraved in it. Under the bracelet there was another note. "To add to your collection." I slide on the bracelet and tie the balloon to my backpack. Throughout the class period I stared off into space. What did I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything special. And the same question popped in my head. What does he see in me? I mean we're head over heals for each other. I know what I see in him but what does he see in me. I'm just a psycho emo musical nerd. How is that desirable?! The bell rings and I run for the door.
    I go straight to the lunch tables and he's already there. "Hey babe." "Hey." I say flatly back. "Are you okay?" "Yeah... It's just ." "It's just what?" "What do you see in me?" "What do you mean?" "Like why do you love me?" We sit in silence for a second then finally he pushes the bangs out of my face and says,"You really want to know? Well, when you punched that guy when we first met. I was blindsided by you. You are freaking gorgeous! You were willing to fight a person twice your size for a shy kid whom you've never talked to. You sang to me when I had a nightmare, and when you sing... The world grows quiet. They stop to listen to you. Amanda, when you walk by the world can't help but stop and stare at you." I tear up. He gets up and goes behind me,"Close your eyes." I did as I was told and feel something around my neck. Hands go over my mouth. "Happy Valentine's Day! To the the love of my life." I open my eyes and look down it was a necklace. It was an R. It was silver with a rhinestone on the end of the R. I rubbed the R with my fingers. I felt something on the back. I turn it over. I'm speechless. The lyrics of the hanging tree.
    These are life's moments that make life even worth living. The love. The warmth of his hands against mine. The tingle down my spine.   I grab his hand and put my head on his shoulder. I look up in to his deep brown eyes. This is my man... I spend the rest of the period in his arms. Refusing to let go. I'm never going to leave his side.
    I went home that night and gathered all the money I had. It added up to $304.56. My mom was skeptical about such a big purchase, but I got Riley a little something.
   About two weeks ago I was facetiming Riley and he showed me his dad's old guitar that he practiced on. He told me he wanted a new one but didn't have enough money.
  I stayed up all night on my phone looking for the perfect one. It was hard to find a nice guitar that didn't cost a fortune. I had to borrow some money from my mom (don't tell my dad) and I found the one.
  After school the next Wednesday I took Riley out to the parking lot. "Close your eyes." I direct him across the street. My hands can't even come close to wrapping around his arms anymore. I can tell Riley's been working out. "Where are we going?" "I can't tell you!" He holds out his hands in front of him. I can feel him tensing up. "Happy Valentine's Day Riley!" His eyes dart open and he's speechless. He eagerly opens the case and takes out the guitar. "I don't know what to say." He strums the guitar. "Sorry it's so late, but I thought you could use it in the talent show." He hugs me tight. Ugh he's getting too strong for this but I don't care. It's his turn to be happy.
  We practice hard for the talent show. Auditions are in two weeks. The stakes are high. This isn't about me anymore. It's about getting a message out there. I have gone through a lot in the past few months, I want to give some of these kids hope. Give them a little kick to follow their dreams. I have seen so many broken souls here and yet the most broken have the most talent. Its so sad that these talented kids can't show their full potential because of others or their own low self esteem. I truly want to change that.
  It's March 1st today is the auditions for the talent show. It's 3:40pm and Riley and I are waiting in line to perform. Riley and I have been practicing for months, but I've never seen Riley like this. He's pacing rubbing the face of his guitar. I walk over to him and rub his arm he's so tense. "It's okay we'll do great." He was wearing his glasses today for some reason. They were rectangle frames with brown and silver rims. I push up his glasses that were sliding off his face. He jerks upward. "Ry how much sleep did you get last night?" "Well... I slept fine until you know..." His nightmares have really been getting out of hand lately, but now it's really catching up to him. "Yeah I know, it's okay. Just wake up!" I grab his broad shoulders to go on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek. Riley is now about 5'8. Riley's eyes shoot open and  smiles. He wraps his arms around me. "I'm awake now!"
    "Number 24!" The head judge called out. "You ready?" "Only if you are." We walk aimlessly on stage. Riley gets his guitar ready and nods for me to start. I gathered every last nerve I have.           
     About 6 months ago I did a solo audition for Rolling in the Deep and I didn't memorize the lyrics to well and I started stopping throughout whole song... One of the most terrifying experiences ever. That was first impression to not only my choir but to my school and teacher. And I blew it. This is redemption. Now I have Riley. A clear mind. I'm ready. "

||Know it sounds funny
But I just can't stand the pain
Girl I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl
You know I've done all I can
You see I begged, stole
And I borrowed"
But the turning point was when we sang the chorus. Riley began to sing along with me. The whole room grew quiet. "h, that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy||
I'm easy like Sunday morning||
     Nobody even dared to utter a word. I didn't even know how to react. I grew nervous. Riley saw it in my face. He smiles. This makes me laugh a little in my singing but I felt a sudden rush of comfort. It's kind of funny for just a smile from my love can transform me into a different person. We finish the last of the final chorus. The last note was sung. There was silence. Only to be followed by a standing ovation. Something I have never gotten in my life. We hurry off stage and Riley picks me up and spins me around. "We did it!" His crooked smile stretched from ear to ear. "No, we did it." 

     Riley and I practiced everyday, day and night for our little peak at fame. We've got two days to practice. "I'm so scared!!" "Your gonna be fine! You can do this I believe in you!" We were Facetiming in the afternoon after school. It was about 5 o'clock and the sun was going down. I decide to sit outside, enjoy the view, while talking to the love of my life. True serenity. "What would we do if one of us was to mess up?" "Don't even say that Amanda! We're going to be perfect! I hear you all day humming and tap your fingers to the beat in class you couldn't be more ready." "Thanks Ry. I just don't want to blow this for you. I mean this is the first time you're going to be performing in front of an audience like this. I was hoping this would give you the confidence you need. This this this is a chance for you and I to make our mark! You know make a statement." "Don't do it for me babe, do it for you. I just want to see you happy." I smile. "Love you." "I love you, too." His eyes sparkle like the ocean at dusk reflecting the Suns inner beauty. But something was missing. His eyes seemed dark. Like the light and life was just sucked out of them. It all makes sense now. The phone drops. Then I hear it. The gasping for air. The screams. The coughing. It was all too much. I burst into tears. "RY ARE YOU OKAY! RILEY! SAY SOMETHING TO ME!!!!" The call ends.
     "MOM!!!" I scream. She runs to me,"WHAT!" I explain everything. The call. The eyes. The phone. She hugs me tight but nothing can fill the gap in my heart. "WHY DO THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE! I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!! WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS!" I scream at the walls. I cradle my pillow. My fingers rapidly rubbing the R on my necklace. I call him over and over again. Nothing. I throw the phone at the wall. My world started spinning. Then darkness rolled over.
     I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I have a terrible head ache and I try to focus on my phone. My head was spinning. It was Kayla. I answer it, "Where were you today?!" "What do you mean I haven't missed school!" "Uh yeah you did." I look at the time it's 3 o'clock!!! I missed school! "Kayla I'm gonna have to call you back." I end it and run to my moms room.
"Mom why didn't you wake me up!" "You had a hard night." Now that I think about it I don't remember much about last night. The memories came in flashes. I sit on the couch and just stare at the TV, what now. I unlock my phone to billions of texts and missed called. My screen completely shattered. None from Riley.
    It's the day of the talent show. I have my black dress on with dead straight hair. Me and Riley were going to match. He was going to wear a flannel and I was going to wear a black dress. It was going to be perfect. I take a selfie and send it to him. I hold back tears as I send it. I miss him so much. I haven't heard from him since the call. Then I see he's replying! The bubble with the dots appears and lasts for at least 5min. I wait. The text comes. I'm speechless. "Wow... Your stunning babe! How did I end up with a girl like you. I'm so sorry for what happened. It turns out I have a rare condition in my lungs. They said that sometimes my lungs don't keep a steady rhythm when I breathe and it makes it difficult to breathe. They had to do immediate treatment and it's hard to keep myself upright so I have crutches and some nausea but they said I'm okay. I feel so bad that this happened right before the show. I hope I can make it up to you." I tear up. "Oh babe don't be sorry it's not your fault. Just get some rest okay. I love you!😘" "I love you too." I get in the car and I stare out the window. Another hurdle. That's all it is. We can make it.     

    I get to school and a wave of depression hits me. I'm going to go onstage on my own. I stared at the clock all day. Three hours. Two hours. One hour til the talent show.
    I walk to math. It's time. I walk in and I hug Celine. "I'm so nervous. Especially cause I don't have Riley. Celine!!!" "HEY! Your going to be fine! You're a fighter! Remember your favorite things. It's what keeps you going." "Thanks."
    I sit and pick at my fingers which are filled with Hanging Tree lyrics. I'm a nervous wreck! Then he walks in the door. I stop and stare. He looked so skinny and hurt just like the day I defended him. He's wearing his flannel and had the front of his hair gelled back. He walks clumsily with his crutches to me. I hug him lightly afraid I would hurt him.  "Y-y-y your here." "You really think I would miss today!" "B-b-b-b but can you sing and play? I don't think it's such a good idea. Is it?" He strokes my hair. "I'm not broken am I?" "Yeah,but... Never mind. I'm just glad your here. Do you have your guitar." "Yeah it's in the office." The Stars have finally aligned. We walk to the media center hand in hand waiting for our turn to make our mark. This is our time. This is our time to shine.
   Riley and I wait backstage. I watch the other acts before us. A dancer, a singing trio, and a magician. We'll be fine. They announce our names. "You ready?" "I'm always ready with you." I kiss his cheek and we walk on stage. Riley gets his guitar and sits on a stool. I stand there looking at the ground. The crowd made me nauseous. I look back at Riley. He nods. He strums his guitar.
  This is the start of something new. Today marks the beginning of a new me. I'm not just that quiet psychotic nerdy girl with the rock shirts. I'm Amanda. The girl who showed that it doesn't matter what your history is all that matters is that your history made you what you are today. Why did I do the talent show? Talent? Popularity? Yeah I did the talent show to show off but the real reason I tried was to give the broken and forgotten hope. Hope that there is second chances. Hope that maybe someday people will agree with their differences. I dedicate this performance to them.
I take a breath.

||Know it sounds funny
But I just can't stand the pain
Girl I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl
You know I've done all I can
You see I begged, stole
And I borrowed"

||| I grow anxious. Now came riley and i's part.|||

"Ooh, that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning|||
||| I was dazed. The passion. The love. The attention. The rest of the performance flew, but yet when I heard Riley sang it felt timeless. The last lyric was sung. The last note strummed. The audience stands on the feet. Applauding our amazing feat.
    Riley and I smile at the audience. Our friends are screaming. This is all like a page in a fairy tail. Almost too good to be true. And to share this moment with the love of my life makes it just that much better. I help Riley offstage and I wrap my arms around him. "You did it!" "No, we did it." That night Riley and I went out to dinner with my mom . This is the first time my mom has ever met Riley. They got along like old friends! I've never seen Riley so outgoing! After we took him home. My mom told me "He's a good boy." "Yeah I know."