Hamilton One Shots

These Feelings

Requested by: SaccharineCyanide143

Downing what seemed to be his fourth beer, a young man surveyed the wedding happening around him. There was cheer everywhere he looked and it wasn't anything like he had seen before. However, despite the good feeling that vibrated among the people, he wasn't having a great time.

He knew deep down he should feel pleased for his friend to be getting married. In the way he had talked about her, it was a clear sign that he was truly in love.

But the more the young man thought about it, the more he remembered the letters he received almost weekly. The letters that hinted and teased at something. There was no denying what had been written in ink.

The man watched his friend dance around the room, barely making eye contact. Everytime he looked at him now, it just all was a lie.

As he went to exit the room, he heard someone beside him, not too far away sigh. The sigh was dramatic, very familiar. He turned his head, hoping he wouldn't be caught sneaking a glance.

A few feet to the left stood a woman he had seen before. Of the times he had been introduced, she had been generous to him. His brain wasn't ringing a bell of her name, but he took his daring chance to say hello.

"Are you alright?"

Startled by his interaction, the woman blushed and exclaimed, "Yes, I am." She paused, looking him up and down. "Have we met?" He seemed familiar to her.

Holding out his hand without any hesitation, the man replied, "John Laurens. I believe we were introduced once." They linked hands and shook, in a sort of final way.

"Angelica Schuyler. Sister to the bride." She went to say something else but didn't. John raised an eyebrow at this. It wasn't often he saw someone do that.

Just as one of them tried to strike up a conversation, the couple waltzed by them. Each of them got distracted, looking straight at the groom. Their eyes clouded over with lust and hope all at once. Instantly remembering where they were, the two adults turned back to one another.

John almost immediately noticed the look of pain on Angelica's face. She noticed that same look on his face as well.

Clearing her throat, she placed her hand on top of his. "I hope this doesn't sound improper of me, but I feel like you will understand." She barely knew him, as she told herself several times.

However, he was the only one who looked at Alexander with the same feelings she did. And she needed to talk to someone.

"Before my sister fell in love with Alexander, I did." Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and John went to wipe them away for her, but she pulled back. "We talked and it all seemed to connect. When Eliza told me how she felt, I just gave in and let them be."

The oldest sister suddenly covered her face, fearing that one of her relatives might see the oncoming tears. John pulled her a little closer, in a comforting way. "I-I had no idea. Why are you telling me all this?"

Angelica pressed her lips together. "You seemed to look at Alexander the way I do."

Feeling dizzy all at once, John grabbed the edge of the table. He had been waiting to talk to someone about his feelings for Alexander, and now seemed to be the right time. She seemed so much like him, they had the same relation of feelings.

"Well, I have known Alexander for quite a while. We fought many battles together, and plan on fighting more. But-" His eyes somehow happened to fall upon the couple, standing in a single spotlight. Their lips attached, making John's heart tear apart.

"He sent me letters. All these letters that had so many remarks. And I thought he loved me, as foolish as that sounds. When he told me that he was going to be married to Eliza, I didn't know how to react."

Angelica felt her mouth open. He was certainly in the familiar heartbroken position she was. It was difficult the feelings both of them felt for Alexander, but they soon found themselves embracing one another.

That wasn't the last time they saw each other or talked for that matter. They constantly began sending letters, writing of their feelings or their plain lives. With every step in their lives, the other was there. Supporting one another through everything, the two never lost touch.

Until the day that one of them lost the battle of life. Angelica could remember it clearly, hearing someone suddenly wail from the other room. She had known that Alexander and Eliza stopped by briefly during the day. All seemed to be going perfectly, until this cry.

Getting up from her chair, Angelica had rushed into the room. She found herself facing Eliza rubbing Alexander's back, both of them sitting on the sofa. Timid to enter, Angelica kept her distance.

That's when she heard Alexander whisper it almost too softly, "He's gone. Eliza, he's gone. I wish that he could just be alive and here." He continued to weep into his wife's shoulder.

Eliza tilted her head up and saw her sister watching. Raising her eyebrows, she mouthed, John Laurens is dead.

However, Eliza didn't expect to see her sister react as she did. At first, Angelica felt dizzy and weak. She grabbed the doorframe and felt herself slowly slipping away. No, her mind persisted.

But it was as true as day. John Laurens, the man she had friended over their love issues, was gone. She had no idea what to do.

Alexander looked up, shocked, seeing his sister-in-law becoming so distressed at the news. Looking at his wife for permission, he rose from his spot, wiping his eyes. "Angelica," he weakly called.

When she didn't respond, he took another step forward. He would have never imagined her to react to the news of his death so highly. For what he knew, they barely knew one another.

As he went to touch her arm, she snapped away, a look of fear in her eyes. Eliza quickly stood up, rushing to her husband's side.

Angelica managed to look at both of them before breaking down and crying, "I'm sorry, I need to-" But she couldn't form any words, the loud wailing sound started emerge from her mouth.

Wiping her eyes as furiously as she could, she didn't say anything more to her sister and her husband. Instead, she ran to her room and locked the door. It was the only place she could feel safe, even as a grown woman.

Weeping louder than she ever had, Angelica collapsed on her bed, clutching tiredly to the sheets. Tears immediately stained them. No matter how many times she tried to take a deep breath, it came out shaky and weak.

Angelica looked up at her ceiling, begging for some sort of answer. He was in heaven now, safe as he could be. It broke her in every way at the thought.

"J-John!" She wailed his name loudly, not caring if anyone got worried by her sounds of distress. Shivering, she curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth, trying her best to take normal breaths.

After taking a few shaky breaths, she choked out, "I'm sorry you didn't get the love you wanted." And that was all she could say before her choked cries began again.

. . . . . . . . . .
A/N: Thank you SaccharineCyanide143! This was a really great idea and I loved writing it, as I do believe Angelica and John would have been able to relate to each other on their feelings.