cake | joshler

huit.

josh
while you walk away;
with the frosting of my heart

I know you blame me for everything.

You seem to forget that you kissed me first. I hadn't even expressed romantic interest in you before then.

You blame me for not wanting a proper relationship when you too also made it clear that you didn't want to be my boyfriend.

I just wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted. But you, you decided we couldn't date because you wanted to be more than my boyfriend. You didn't want to be my husband, though. You wanted to be someone who I came to rely on, someone who was above all other people in my life, someone who I became vulnerable around but only in the soft hours of the morning. You wanted to manipulate me.
You're weird, Tyler. You want to be more and more and more. You want to be at the top of my list. And you were at the top. You got what you wanted. You were someone I relied on, you were above others and I was vulnerable. I needed you.

I still need you.
But I don't want you anymore.

So, no. I won't come crawling back to you. I won't see you in a club and panic. I won't cry at night because you're not sleeping beside me.
I will move on because I know you don't want me to.

You want to be acknowledged and needed. I have done both of those things relentlessly for so long. And I am so tired. I'm going to stop acknowledging you. I'm going to stop needing you.

I hope you walk away. I hope you know that I miss you. But I hope you don't think I want you back.