In Our Hearts

ten > not home

A quick note: Wattpad's having some technical difficulties around here and maybe Chapter 10 came out first before Chapter 9. I already tried rearranging them but it still stayed the same so in any case, just read Chapter 9 first. Ok bye.

With yummy cookies,
Terra Bayna
****

It was January third - the same day I got out of bed to see Maya, when the doctor told me I was fine and I could go home. Home. It felt strange since it has been empty at most times for the last two days. The nice carpet smell affected the whole apartment with its own. Even if I was in my house, I didn't feel like it was home.

"Honey, maybe you should stay in bed, make yourself comfortable again." My dad read my thoughts. It was just the both of us. My mom said that she wanted to say at the hospital with Auggie to be there for Aunt Katy. So dad let her.

Climbing three stairs was already tiring for me. I felt so sleepy from all that sleep. I felt really tired from laying down for too long. And I absoloutely felt tired from thinking. But I couldn't stop. Everywhere I go, whatever I do, my thoughts about Maya kept following me.

I layed down on my bed and closed my eyes, arms spread wide open. Although my body couldn't take the pressure, somehow my mind could. Even if I didn't want to think about Maya, my head was still replaying memories of me and Maya.

Then there was a knock at the window. For one moment, for one crazy moment, I thought that it was Maya.

"Lucas." I smiled wearily and changed into a sitting position as he climbed into my room and sat by my side. His weight made my bed bounce a little.

"I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to check on you at the hospital," he said after a long pause. I figured that he didn't get to talk to me at the hospital when we were both in Maya's room. "No, don't worry about it." I held his shoulder. "Maya needs you. I'm glad you came to see her," I said truthfully. Though I didn't know why I only mentioned her. "She doesn't deserve this." His voice croaked. Then I saw a tear flowed down his cheek. I wasn't going to cry with him, that would only make him cry even more.

"She's going to be fine." I hoped so. I could feel my chest tightened. My eyes were misty and talking made it worse.

But Lucas didn't need to see me sad to cry. Maya's accident had made it all clear to me that Lucas really liked her. Not like as a friend but as more than that.

"Lucas." I made him stop shaking. I hugged him sideways and placed my head onto his average bulky shoulder. "Do you like Maya?" I asked out of nowhere. But I wanted to fix this before Maya woke up so that she could live 2016 with a fresh smile, knowing that last years' problem was last years'.

At first, I thought that he was about to question my irrelevant, all of a sudden inquiry, but he didn't. "Yeah. She's our friend right? Why would you ask that?" He looked down to his black shiny cowboy boots, back to crying.

"You know what I mean." I sat back to my original position and looked at Lucas with guilt. I felt guilty for asking him this question that requires a long time to think. I felt guilty to break him even more. I felt guilty for letting this come between me and Maya.

"Riley, why are you asking me this right now?" He finally looked at me. His eyes were red and the dark shadows under them shows that he had been crying for a long time.

"Just answer the question." I was too afraid to tell him the reason. It was stupid. "But why? Shouldn't we worry about her and not question my feelings?" He insisted

"Because." I let it out. "This is what got us into this mess." I looked away from his gaze and looked at the bay window. "Because of us having feelings for you."

"Riley. I like both of you but.." he trailed off. "I like you even more." For the first time ever, I didn't feel surprised or amazed or flattered. I felt nothing. And he was wrong about liking me more. I knew it. Because Maya is wrong and I was going to prove that.

"No Lucas. You don't like me like that." I smiled at him. It didn't hurt at all. "You like Maya more than me."

Lucas didn't say anything. It was just like he was figuring his affections towards Maya. So I helped him. "You guys tease each other all the time. Ranger Rick, Huckleberry, short stack of pancakes." For some reason, I remember those nicknames. "You always defend her like her passion towards art." I looked to the cieling.

"But I defended you too." Somehow I knew he was going to say that. "Not like how you defended her." I looked at him. He wasn't crying sadly anymore. He looked more strucked to realisation.

"And between me and Maya, you always remember her first." I sounded offended but I wasn't. I was okay with it. I didn't feel jealous anymore. Maybe it was because I thought about Maya too much that I forgot about my love life. "On the night.." I took a deep breath. "On the night it happened, you checked on Maya first. And at the hospital, you went to see her first too."

"You guys had more moments than you had with me just like I had more moments with-" I stopped. No, it can't be it.

"With?" Lucas wanted to know but I didn't want him to. I didn't want anyone to know. "Uh.. nothing." I raised my shoulders, covering my neck as though I was a turtle. He gave me this look which he always had on his face when he is confused.

My dad walked in right then with a tray of food and drinks like I had at the hospital every morning. Usually he would freak out to see Lucas in my room especially when we're alone but I guessed he was just as tired as me to think about all these things.

"Hey Lucas." He smiled sadly, placing the tray onto my bed.

"Hey Mr Mathews. I guess you want me out now." Lucas stood up. Before he could walk to the window, my dad held his hand and said, "stay."

And he did. The three of us sat at the bay window like how me and Maya always do and stared into space, thinking is it over yet?