In Our Hearts

fifteen > this is it

I was laying on my bed. It was night and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't help but look up at the cieling, wondering. What is Maya doing?

It had been two months and Maya still hadn't waken up from her coma. My room was a mess and so was my mind. I spent my time mostly in my room, just staring into space. The dark shadows in the room blinded my sight from everything - the future, my problems, me and Maya. Us. Us. Us. I couldn't stop thinking about us. When will this stop? When is she going to wake up amd tell me that she's here with me? When will the both of us make memories again?

Throughout the months, people visited Maya. Uncle Josh, Grandma Amy, Grandpa Alan, Maya's grandma, the kids from school and other relatives. All but Maya's father. At least that's what I thought.

School had started since last month and my grades are falling. As the number of quizes I took increases, my results became worse. But not just me. So were Farkle and Lucas. Even Zay. The three of them were failing too. Farkle who used to be the school's best science student, got downgraded and was replaced by some other kid who was less great than Farkle. And Lucas who was known as the nice kid, got into many fights. Zay who used to be the class clown, talkative and making people's day, was now the opposite. And as for me, I stayed quiet and kept my distance from everyone including Farkle, Lucas and Zay. We haven't spent some quality times together since we were informed that Maya was in a coma.

"Riley, we know how you feel lately. If you could just open up to-"

"I said I'm fine," I snapped coldly. I knew the counsellor could sense me lying since it was obvious but I didn't have problems. Just a little sad, that was it.

I left the counselling room and headed home with my dad by car. I took the seat beside the driver's and stared outside the window. I didn't realise until a little later, that it was raining.

Raindrops were rolling down the windows like they were having a racing competition. As I breathed, cold clouds of breath escaped from my mouth and stained the glass window. The sky looked dark like it was crying and thunders grumbled here and there, giving me shivers.

"Riley, when we reach home, I want you to go get ready before we leave to the hospital," my dad sounded. It felt like it was the first time he ever said something to me since a while.
I could sense a solicitude feeling in his words and voice so I turned to him and by then, I knew something was wrong by looking at his red, teary eyes.

"Dad?" He shivered when I said it. "What's going on?" I leaned closer and slowly.

"I don't know but the doctor called. He won't tell until everyone is there." He wiped away tears from his eyes and whimpered a little.

I wanted to ask for the reason he was crying but I didn't want his privacy to be interrupted. And I was thinking about what the doctor might say. We wouldn't be sure that Maya was....gone. It might be something else. Maya might be awake. Or she might've been talking in her sleep. Or she might've been ... She might've been. Even if my suggestions were all unlogical, I still wanted to believe that way. I got to have hope.

I felt my cheeks became cooler. It was tears plus the air conditioner plus the cold outside. If I was going home with Maya, we might've been playing in the rain. But she wasn't here so I couldn't play. I didn't want to.

We reached home and I got ready. It was a cold evening so I put on something warm. A big brown sweater with fur underneath, gloves and yellow boots just for when it's raining. It felt like snow day all over again. But this one was different. This was a sad snow day.

"Where's mom and Auggie?" I asked when I realised they weren't home. No wonder it was quiet.

"They're already at the hospital when we were in school. The message got to them first." Dad said as he reversed his car from the parking spot and head off to the doctor's lair.