12. Take My Whole Life, Too

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!!TRIGGER WARNING!! talks of suicide. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm right here; kik- mina_15_x

Niall just loves lying with Harry, he really loves it and he knows Harry enjoys holding him but they enjoy it in completely different ways.

"Nialler."

"Yes?" the blonde answers promptly.

"I have some serious questions about being... homosexual," Harry says cautiously.

"Haz, I am gay, you can say gay, I do not care!" Niall laughs his carefree laugh, easing Harry a little.

"Alright, when did you know you were gay?" Harry wonders and relaxes a bit more as Niall thinks, the blonde looks up at him from where he's laid out on his chest.

"Around the end of year nine, start or year ten," Harry suddenly looks saddened.

"Around that time," Niall nods knowing that the whole thing hurt Harry equally as much as it hurt Niall.

"Is that why you partially.. you know, tried to end everything? Did you think someone would hurt you?" Harry wonders and holds on to Niall a little bit tighter.

"Probably yes, I don't really remember the feelings I had when I tried, I just remember wanting to die, and I did think, hang on shit people are gonna think I'm so weird! I like boys!" Harry's grip doesn't loosen once as Niall speaks his thoughts. But Harry has more questions.

"Is it okay if I ask a question maybe some?" Niall looks at him confused and nods.

"You can ask as many as you wish. You didn't have to ask," Harry scowls.

"That would be impolite considering what we're talking about," Niall giggles at his friends caring ways, "But, what I wanted to ask was how?"

"How what?"

"How did you do it? I know your mum found you before you were gone, but I don't know how you did it," Niall remembers it as if it was yesterday.

"I tried to drown myself,"

"But it's impossible to drown yourself? No one can drown themself," Harry says confused and Niall rolls his eyes.

"I know that, I took a few sleeping pills, a little more than the bottle said to, ran myself a nice bath and got in it, our bathroom door didn't have a lock, if you remember back then, so my mum found me, she often came to check on me whenever I took a bath, as she didn't believe that a person couldn't drown themself," Niall finishes explaining and when he looks up at Harry, he sees his best friend with heavy tears in his eyes.

"It's hard to believe that I couldn't be sat here with you right now," a tear falls from his eye and Niall catches it gently, sitting up, almost straddling Harry, "I'm sorry," the brunette says and wipes at his eyes. The blonde had only seen Harry cry twice before.

"No, don't be, it's okay, and I know it was hard on you too, I mean, it was selfish of me to not even call you to say, I want to kill myself, because I know you would have come and saved me, and I wish that would have happened," Harry pulls the blonde down from his sitting position, and cuddles him tight.

He speaks into the blondes hair, "Please don't ever try to kill you self again, I know you're on the good medicine now and you're a lot happier but if you ever, and I mean ever, feel like that again, call me and I will come straight to you, and I'll save you," Niall loves hearing things like that from Harry, not because it makes him feel like Harry might love him, but because he knows Harry does love him. And it makes him feel wanted.

"I won't and if I ever do, I will call you," Harry lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't like to think about that time, and he doubts Niall does too.

"This is the way I held you for a good two hours after the hospital released you, I don't think I let you go until my mum made me," Harry chuckles lightly and Niall softly giggles.

"Yeah, you wouldn't let me go and even then when you went home, you face timed me and called me all night, made me take my phone to the toilet whilst I took a shit," Harry bursts out laughing because it's true.

"True, I just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound, as long as I could see you were okay, I was okay," they both laugh a little more at the thought of the phone call.

"Can't believe you made me take my phone with me though!" Niall giggles.

"I wanted you safe."

"I am."

"You know how much I care about you," Harry clutches the blonde the his chest tightly.

"I do," Niall hums and snuggles into Harry's chest.

After a few moments of cuddles, Niall speaks up, "Tell me about your date with Selena, how did that go?" he's too tired to feel jealously and he's cuddling Harry right now anyway, not her. So who's the real winner.

"It was fun, we walked together and talked about things, you know she has a brother? Cos I didn't, she also has a dog, we ate ice cream and just walked round for a bit," Harry says quietly as Niall happily falls asleep in his chest.

Harry can't help but smile down at the boy and gently thread his hands through his hair, and gently talk him to sleep.

---double update because I like you guys---

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