Dear Diary {Andley}

Chapter 2

Dear Diary,
  A week into school and I was ready to shoot myself in the head. I was swamped with assignments that didn't make sense and I had over 100 pages of reading ahead of me. The teachers must think I'm some bionic machine! I mean come on, I have to sleep some time right? I'm in high school not college. I understand that they are trying to prepare me, but I don't see myself working a 9-5 desk job. I'm just not cut out for that. 

With the little sleep I had last night, I was up and out door in under 10 minutes. A recorded breaking time I must say so myself. I had a little pep in my step, ready for the upcoming weekend. Finally a break from all this stress. By the end of the year I'm sure that I'll have grey hair.

I sat in the bus seat alone again watching the trees pass by. Music filled my ears making my foot tap with the rhythm. I couldn't wait for the day I'd become a musician, or something that involved music. I was ready to start now, but I had to finish my education first. Plus I don't even have a band set up. What was I supposed to do with no band or experience. Nothing that's right. 

I spun the dial on my locker as quickly as possible. I didn't want to be late for first period. When I opened my locker a piece of while lined paper fell from the top ledge. It fell to the ground, silently staring up at me.

Welcome to hell fagot

I sighed softly ripping up the paper into tiny pieces. Like they said in grade school "sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me. The only thing was, words did hurt...they stung like a bitch. I grabbed my books rushing down the hallway trying to keep myself calm. I knew that I was going to have problems here, I just knew it. I wasn't safe at all. I was never safe where I went. 

All first period I was lost in my thoughts. I couldn't focus on anything that was going on around me. When the teachers asked me questions I stayed quiet the whole time. There was no need to drawl even more attention towards me. I just wanted to blend in with the crowd, float down the halls with no problems at all. It wasn't asking a lot when I wished I could go one school year without a problem. I wanted to be left alone, I was perfectly okay with that.

I felt a tap on my shoulder pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned my body around to face a guy about my age with long brown hair, chocolate eyes, and tan skin. He gave me a small friendly smile.

"Hey can I borrow a pencil, I sort of left mine in my locker." He whispered trying not to catch the attention of the teacher.

I nodded my head rummaging in my bag producing a pencil a minute later. I handed it over to him, our fingers brushing against each other. I felt my cheeks heat up while he thanked me. I quickly turned back around keeping my head down. He just talked to me. The first person to actually talk to me in this school. I was nervous as hell now. 

I packed up my bag quickly while the bell rang. I wanted to get out of the class as soon as possible. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the teenager. Before I could even rush out of the room he appeared in front of me.

"Here's your pencil back. Thanks for letting me borrow it." He smiled big handing it over to me. I took it back shoving it into my back. "By the way my names Ashley."

I nodded my head quickly jogging out of the room. My heart raced a mile a minute while I hid out in the bathroom. The guy know as Ashley was in my next class and I didn't want to be face to face him again. He made me nervous, I'm not sure why though. I wanted to say my name but every time I tried to tell him my name it felt like the words got caught in the back of my throat.

After skipping the class I had with Ashley and heading to my other classes, it was now time for lunch. With my brown paper bag in hand, I headed to my usual corner where I ate lunch. I stared out the window taking small bite of my sandwich. The bird pecked away at the ground for the most part. It wasn't raining today which was a good sign. The sun peaked through the white cloud shinning down on the semi green grass.

"Hi again." A familiar voice said. I looked up watching Ashley take a seat across from me with three other people. I stayed quiet as usual.

"I hope you don't mind us sitting with you?" He smiled digging into his cafeteria food which consisted of watered down pasta and a stale role sitting in one of the cups of the tray. 

I shook my head no picking at my fingers under the table. A nervous habit I acquired when I first transferred schools. The four men sat there eating there lunch talking among themselves. I felt awkward, out of place, I was ready to just pack my stuff up and leave until Ashley spoke up.

"Guys introduce yourself." Ashley whispered to them before looking back at me with a smile. His perfect white teeth showing through. The three men stayed silent while the chewed their discussing cafeteria  food.

"This is Jinxx,  CC and Jake." Ashley pointed them out to me as they waved. "What's your name?"

They all leaned in a little bit closer waiting for my answer. I didn't speak though, it felt like the words were caught in my throat again. I felt beads of sweat rolling down mt back as they stared me down. I shifted back and forth in my seat trying to get something out, anything out. Ashley frowned softly sharing a glance with the rest of his friends. It was like some secret language I didn't understand. 

"Well um we should probably get going now. It was very nice to meet you." They all stood up taking there belonging with them. 

"Andy." I spoke softly running my fingers through my knotted hair. I felt like I could finally take a breath of fresh air after saying my name. Ashley beamed before throwing is beaten up backpack over his should.  

"It was very nice to meet you Andy. We should defiantly sit together again." Ashley said again before walking off with his group just as the bell rang. 

——
My weekend was very uneventful to say the least. It mostly consisted of me roaming around the house trying to find something to do. Once or twice I found myself outside sitting on the porch. I watched the neighbors talk to each other while their kids ran around. I read a book to pass the time and wrote a few songs. After a while mom walked out on the porch. She sat next to me on the chair watching the kids play. 

"How's school treating you?" She asked.

"It's been well. I've been keeping to myself though." I closed my book rocking back in forth in the swinging chair.

"Andy you have to be social. You haven't made one friend yet?" She criticized.

"I gave a guy my pencil and he sat with me during lunch." I reassured her, twiddling my thumbs.

"Well that's a start. You should invite him over to the house. If love to meet this guy." She smiled at me standing up.

"I'll think about it mom. I don't want to scare him off." I stood up with her and headed back inside the house. How could I invite Ashley over here when he made me nervous. I've only spoken one word to him! I needed to figure this all out.

Sincerely,

Andy 9/7/15