Dear Diary {Andley}

Chapter 7

*If you are easily triggered please do not read this chapter. *

Dear diary,

Ashley and I have been getting closer over this past month. I can tell that he has been acting different around me. Every time he looks at me he has this sparkle in his eye. After he saw me get punched, that is when things started to change.

The most amazing thing had happened during study hall though. I never saw I coming and I had to repeat what he asked a few times. He asked me out and not like friends. I'm taking about a full on date. I was in shock I had no idea what to say... SAY SOMETHING ANDY!! He is going to think you don't like him like that. He will never talk to you again if you don't answer. Just say yes!

"Yes, that sounds great." I finally got out, breathing out a sigh of relief. 

"Awesome I will pick you up around 7 tonight." With that he packed up his bags and headed to his next class leaving me still sitting in the same seat speechless.

All day I had Ashley on my mind and I still could not believe that he had asked me out on a date. I wonder where he was taking me? Maybe a movie? Dinner? Dinner and a movie? There were so many options and I could not quiet my brain. There was just something about him that made me smile every time he smiled. Laughed every time he laughed. I was in to deep with this friendship. 

"Hey fagot I missed you the other day." Troy smirked pushing me up against the lockers. 

The bullying had gotten even worse since Ashley yelled at Troy when he punched me. Troy had made it his mission to make me the most miserable teenager on this planet. Everyday he would torture me, torment me, cause me pain, send me death threats, and have his idiot cone head followers beat me up. Sometimes I wondered if I could every be happy for just one day, is it even possible for me to be happy. 

"So I heard from a little someone that you have a date tonight...with a man." He shook his head in disgust digging his dirty fingernails into my shoulder. 

"Has your mother ever told you that dating another man is gross and wrong? Clearly she didn't raise you right. I know how I'm going to fix it." Troy snickered.

"H-How." I whispered scared for my life. 

"I'm just going to beat the gay out of you!" He laughed and started to drag me down the hall. 

It felt like hours, maybe even days that I laid on the wet grass letting Troy beat the shit out of me. I was scared to fight back knowing that I was to weak to even throw a good punch. I silently cried the whole time as he kicked me, punched me, and called me names. I was in so much pain that I felt numb. He kicked me and I felt absolutely nothing, not a single thing. The ringing in my ears dulled out the silence, I couldn't even hear Troy's heavy breathing. Maybe I did deserve this, I made myself an easy target. 

With one last kick Troy smiled a devilish smile before turning on his heal and walking out of the woods. I just laid there counting in my head waiting for a good number to stop and get up. I did not want to catch up with Troy or be anywhere around him. I stopped at 100, wiped the tears off my face, and slowly stood up. How was I going to be able to go out with Ashley tonight? I was to beaten and broken to even walk home. I definitely have a broken rib. I did the last thing that I would have thought I would ever do. 

"Can you pick me up...dad." I spoke through the phone. I had not talked to him in over 3 years. 

I sat on the side of the curb for about 15 minutes waiting for my dead beat father to pick me up. He had walked out on our family four years ago saying that he had enough of our family drama. I had no idea what he was talking about then but after a while I slowly put the pieces together. He was over with all my doctors appointments, my nightmares, my self harm, depression, everything. I was the one who drove him out. I scared him away. He left because of me. The only reason why I called him was because I did not want mom knowing. 

"Get in the car." My father said out the window watching me slowly and painfully get up. 

"Thanks for picking me up." I said quietly. "Please don't tell mom."

Dad nodded his head ending the conversation. He didn't ask me what happened, if I was okay, or who did it. We just sat in silence the whole drive home and I was happy about that. This was probably the last time I would talk to him. I knew he did not want me in his life, and I sure as hell did not want him in mine. He owed me this. 

Mom wasn't home when dad dropped me off, thank God. She was probably working a late shift at the office and forgot to text me. I trudged up the stairs to my room where I dropped everything and just laid on my bed. I was done for today, I had not energy left in me. I just wanted to cry but I had no tears to shed. My mind was just a deep dark whole of depression that I wanted to end. Maybe I could end it all? It was possible I just needed the right time to do. A time where I could be alone without mom or Ashley to find me. I wanted it to be peaceful and quiet. It had to be a perfect day where mom was at work and Ashley was at school. I would have to do it on a week day or sometime around there. There was just so much planning I had to do to make this right. 

I didn't go on that date with Ashley at 7. 

Sincerely,

Andy 12/17/2015