Turmoils- A Muslim Love Story

Chapter 23

My insides jumbled in confusion, pain and sadness. The raving of blood inside my body, the sound of my heart being crushed was so loud to my ears that I couldn't even tell what Zara was saying.

The two of them were visible to me from the doorway because it was open wide. I watched as she stood inexplicably close to my husband, her hands on his arms.

I watched as she her mouth moved, her eyes looked desperate. I swallowed hard. They were both committing a great sin in there. But they had no idea about it.

I was the only one who knew.

It wasn't their fault.

It was mine.

By being clingy, I was not only being selfish but I was making them sinners. Bigger than they already were. They had planned on getting married. It wasn't like they were committing adultery either. They were just two people in love, wanting to be together and yet, I had, even for a minute, thought of standing in the way of that.

I looked at the wound on my palm that surprisingly felt less painful than before. A gash had formed over my palm and the skin had slightly slit open.

It was as if reality had slashed my hand.

I turned around and went back up the spiral staircase. All I could think of was how it was time to open my eyes. It was time to open my eyes and look at the cat that was advancing towards me. To watch it claw my face.

I was the pigeon indeed.

I went inside my own room, on my way to the bathroom when my eyes caught sight of my mother's picture on the nightstand.

I watched as the picture looked at me, a smile on her pretty face. I swallowed as I felt a fresh wave of tears brim inside my eyes.

"You just had to lie to me," I whispered, staring at her face. "I'm so beautiful? I'm so good? Everybody'll love me? Bullcrap."

I stormed inside the bathroom and my eyes caught my reflection in the mirror. The person who looked back at me looked like a zombie. Although the hair and dress was all in place, the eyes and face looked half dead already. I pushed the knob up and let the water fall.

And the water inside my eyes fell too.

Tons of it.

After I was done bawling my eyes out, I washed my face and dabbed my swollen eyes. As I did, I wondered if after her visit would he notice?

That my eyes were more swollen than before? That my cheeks and nose were redder than before? That my palm had split open?

Pushing it all aside, I walked out and went downstairs, this time wearing slippers and making noise so the two would know I was coming down. To avoid them, I went inside the kitchen and carefully set the table for dinner.

I'd rather just eat and go to sleep. I could feel the onset of a headache and I also knew nothing was going to cure it except oblivion and sleep.

I didn't bother to find out if she'd left nor did I call out for Farhan. I sat down and put some food in for myself. I didn't wait and just began to eat by myself.

I heard footsteps a bit later before Farhan walked in. I didn't bother to look up from my plate either.

"There you are! I went upstairs looking for you. Is your hand okay?" He asked, his voice dripping with concern.

I pushed the food down my throat with great difficulty before simply nodding.

He stood there, waiting for me to say something else or look at him but when I didn't, he just sat down at table.